SUPA: The Ballad of Gentleman Jim (675 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.91 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tom Wingfield (View user info) at 2007-04-09 22:38:38 EDT
"All of these people! all of them living...
And all of them; someday; will die.
It's a world, (he told me) of regular people;
Who'll never find meaning in life."
"But you and I friend, aren't the same as all them"
Said he with an affable smile...
"You see we have something... something that's different...
For that, take comfort..." I did for awhile.
I laughed at young Jim with his wide goofy grin
'Lit a smoke and walked to the landing...
Jim followed me out; much more serious now,
And r'ideas we started to bandy...
"I know I seem dreamy, but inside I'm boiling!
Here's my card from the Merchant Marines...
The warehouse you see, it just isn't for me
I abhor the long days and routine...
I crave adventure! I want to explore!
And a life that is lived day to day...
I won't spend my youth at toil in a warehouse!
for a measly modicum of pay."
My mother was calling so I stamped out my smoke
And led Jim to the table inside;
"No word" I told Jim, "My intentions to them".
And then with my family we dined.
That night is long over; and I sometimes wonder
As I turn to the vast, empty sea...
What became of O'Conner; his ambition, his honor;
And if he e're 'scaped St. Louie...
You see,
All of these people, All of them living,
And all of them shortly to die.
But I am the bastard son of a bastard,
And I left sans a tear in my eye.
I left sans a tear in my eye.
User Reviews
Submitted by storm (user info) at 2007-07-28 08:16:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/u/sicosemen
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-04-14 14:13:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-10 06:34:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty sure that does it.
Like I was never even here.
Cheers.
************
Zebe started rating this a 0 or thereabouts, but changed his tune when he saw who wrote it.
Rate the post, asshole.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-04-14 13:44:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
right on, BLT!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-04-11 23:49:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-04-10 13:05:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One of the better entries thus far, in spite of its simplistic approach. Good show.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-04-11 20:08:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That is certainly the right way to write a ballad, without making it sound cheesy (at all).
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-04-11 14:08:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hmmm...
I don't think I 'get it' - but I know that I enjoyed it.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-04-11 13:38:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-04-11 03:02:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice...
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-04-10 23:26:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*shrug* I like it.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-04-10 21:49:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is charming.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-10 18:28:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck to all contestants.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-04-10 13:05:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One of the better entries thus far, in spite of its simplistic approach. Good show.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-04-10 10:56:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Agent_FUBAR (user info) at 2007-04-10 10:17:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was kinda cool
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-04-10 08:51:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-10 08:39:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-04-09 23:30:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-09 22:52:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Started out great but fell apart in the fifth stanza and then turned into a big nothing of a story.
I really thought Gentleman Jim was gonna be a scoundrel or a bad ass or anything more interesting than just a dinner guest.
----
you realize zebra, that gentleman Jim was "the gentleman caller", and never had intentions of being anything more? I start to doubt your ability as a reviewer. I think you need to read a bit more.
--------------------
Ahahahahaha. Good call on that, beeltea.
This was a nice surprise to awake to upon my arrival to work this morning.
Now on to the review: there were several lines where the syllable count didn't quite match/flow with the rest of the piece. In particular: second stanza, last line; third stanza, second line; fifth stanza, last two lines; sixth stanza, first line; and seventh stanza, last line. That very last one I would have fixed by adding "ol'" before "St. Louie."
Fifth stanza...the phrase "measly modicum"...the two words are synonyms of one another, so perhaps another substitution would improve. Perhaps something like "for insulting modicum of pay."
"Bastard son of a bastard"...took a few reads for me to fully comprehend that phrase...but maybe that's just me.
All nitpicking aside, this was overall a well written piece. Normally I wouldn't rate my competition's work, but since you were kind enough to leave a nice rank on mine, here's following suit. Excellent job.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-10 06:34:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty sure that does it.
Like I was never even here.
Cheers.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-10 06:33:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just figured if I rate this +2 twice more, you're a 1.5, which is what I think I gave your competition.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-10 06:28:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, forget about the fifth stanza.
The more I think about the entire thing, the more I like it, actually.
Elegantly constructed.
That is interesting how it put me right into that point of view without realizing.
I'm sorry now I didn't pay attention to the user name.
I was just looking for SUPAs to rate because since apparently I am a harsh rater, or some such nonsense, I thought I should be fair and rate all the entries so as not to give anyone an advantage by skipping them.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-04-10 04:37:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
interesting you keep pointing out the fifth stanza; as that is the climax of the piece...
Well it could be better written i guess.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-10 04:16:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahahahahahaha
I didn't even look at your user name. Good one.
That does make it much more interesting, though it still fell apart for me in that fifth stanza.
I think this will make the rating a solid 1.
But you're right, I should read that again.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-04-10 04:09:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This town was built on muddy stilts
By the lunatic parade
It rains like Revelations
Gonna wash these freaks away
Some girls wanna hold your hand
And some girls like to pray
Well my girl takes her drinks
With dust and rusty razor blades
As I lie between these covers
I wanna tell her that I love it
When she chokes me in the
Backseat of her riverboat 'cause
She's my man
And we got all the balls we need
When you taste that pavement
You're amazed
She smells your sympathy
So bye bye ladies
May the best queen hold the crown
For the most bush sold on the levee
My my, how word gets around
She strangles for a good time
And she kills my self-control
She's my man, don't be too sad sonny
'Cause she'll never be your woman no more
Someday soon, this dank lagoon's
Gonna sink right into hell
They'll hide you from Big Ida
At the Sho' Enough Hotel
The Ladies of the evening's just
A tombstone in your bed
Well my girl eats a wounded preacher
'tween two loaves of bread
I know she's up to something
But how can I run when she's just
Keel-hauled twenty-on to nothing
I'll stay next to the steel coal oven 'cause
She's my man
And we got all the balls we need
When you taste that pavement
You're amazed
She smells your sympathy
So bye bye ladies
May the best queen hold the crown
For the most bush sold on the levee
My my, how word gets around
She strangles for a good time
And she kills my self-control
She's my man, don't be too sad sonny
'Cause she'll never be your woman no more
All you need's just a fist of a tear-stained bunny
When the good ship comes to town
Who said loves a bitch'll sit next to me honey
Because this old boat's gonna run aground
I don't want to be the burden
Or your jealous bastard
I don't wanna be the Tarzan of your next epic disaster
She's my man
And we got all the balls we need
When you taste that pavement
You're amazed
She smells your sympathy
So bye bye ladies
May the best queen hold the crown
For the most bush sold on the levee
My my, how word gets around
She strangles for a good time
And she kills my self-control
She's my man, don't be too sad sonny
'Cause she'll never be your woman no more
She's my man, can't you feel her comin'
She's my man, she's gonna keep you runnin'
She's my man, she's gonna teach you something
She's me, she's my man
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-04-10 03:16:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Love me some Willie Nelson. 'night all.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-04-09 23:40:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-09 22:52:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Started out great but fell apart in the fifth stanza and then turned into a big nothing of a story.
I really thought Gentleman Jim was gonna be a scoundrel or a bad ass or anything more interesting than just a dinner guest.
---
amazing. unwittingly, Zebra just highlighted what I was going for.
Rock on Stripes.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-04-09 23:30:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-09 22:52:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Started out great but fell apart in the fifth stanza and then turned into a big nothing of a story.
I really thought Gentleman Jim was gonna be a scoundrel or a bad ass or anything more interesting than just a dinner guest.
----
you realize zebra, that gentleman Jim was "the gentleman caller", and never had intentions of being anything more? I start to doubt your ability as a reviewer. I think you need to read a bit more.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-04-09 23:06:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 it's the fifth inning and we just got our first hit.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-04-09 22:58:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe you fuckers sucked me in to rating poetry.
+2 readable poetry. I "liked" it.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-04-09 22:55:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
nice idea
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2007-04-09 22:54:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-09 22:52:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
.5
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-09 22:52:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Started out great but fell apart in the fifth stanza and then turned into a big nothing of a story.
I really thought Gentleman Jim was gonna be a scoundrel or a bad ass or anything more interesting than just a dinner guest.
You had such interesting bookends, too.
Style points bump you above a 0.