If You Want To Get Your Freak On With Me, That’s Fine, But You Just Better Not Be Wearing Sandals (1619 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.82 on 52 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JoeyG (View user info) at 2007-04-10 11:50:18 EDT
I consider myself to be a tolerant person when it comes to the weird and wonderful world of sexual fetishes.
If people want to get their kicks by suffocating themselves, or dressing up in rubber suits, then I've got no problem with that.
You wanna dress in women's clothes?
Fair enough.
You wanna wear a nappy and sit in your own crap?
Fine by me.
You want me to shit in your mouth?
Well, ok, but I had a curry last night, so brace yourself, baby.
Whatever people want to get up to behind closed doors, then that's up to them. Whilst I might not enjoy having sex in a pool of chicken blood, it doesn't mean that other people won't.
But there is a line somewhere, a line that even my sick, depraved mind would never contemplate of crossing. As fucked up as I may be, there is a point I would reach when I would have to say 'no, uh-uh, get fucked, you freakish piece of shit.'
Sandra was the first girl in my life to cross that line.
By day, she was a nice girl, cute as can be, as innocent as a new born lamb in a fresh green meadow.
By night, she was a ravenous slut-beast from the planet Fucktron.
She had an array of dildos that she would line up beside the bed, like a surgeon carefully preparing his scalpels. She would ride like the wind, squeal like a pig, and demand it up the ass like there was no tomorrow.
I'll never forget the first time she went down on me. Or at least, the first time I THOUGHT she was going down on me.
We had barely got through her bedroom door, and she was on me, ripping my clothes off like a kid tearing the wrapping from a Christmas present.
She shoved my naked body onto the bed, and started kissing my neck. Her toned body slid downwards, as her lips made their way down my chest. I knew what was coming.
He scores! He's gonna get blown!
She went down further, licking my stomach as she went.
Here it comes, get ready!
Down a little further, her neck was now brushing against the tip of my waiting cock.
Almost there, keep going......
Her mouth was now in perfect position. Open wide, and.....
Hey! Where the fuck are you going?
Past my aching loins, she carried on going. Down the inside of one leg, down the other. Still going south.
Is she kissing my knees? Yes, she's kissing my knees. What the fuck is going on here?
Down, down, and before long she was licking my shins.
Well, this is new, I guess. Different, but definitely a first for me.
With one final flick of her head, she grabbed three of my toes, and clamped her mouth around them.
"JESUS CHRIST, ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?!?"
"Mmmm?" She looked up at me, still sucking on my foot.
"What the fuck are you doing down there?"
She spat my toes out and gave me a cold stare.
"I'm sucking your feet.... do you have a problem with that?"
"Damn right! It's a foot, for fuck's sake. A FOOT!"
"And your point is what, exactly?"
"Feet are fucking horrible. Look at them. All down there on their own. They're disgusting. Why the hell would anyone want a foot in their mouth?"
"I like my feet being licked. In fact, I could go for a little toe suck right now. C'mon, what do you say?" She wiggled her toes in my direction, and it reminded me of maggots crawling around in a tub.
"I say you're fucked up."
"Last night you had your tongue so far up my ass you could have tasted my lunch. But now, you have a problem licking my feet? Well, I'll tell you what. You won't suck my toes, then I won't suck your dick. Sound fair to you?"
The bitch had backed me in a corner with that one. There's not a lot that a guy wouldn't do for head, and she knew it.
I can understand a lot of weird stuff. But as for foot fetishes? No chance. I just can't see how anyone would hit it off with a mighty fine bout of toe-loving. It doesn't make sense.
The human form is a beautiful thing. Beautiful that is, until you reach the feet. There's a reason we invented footwear, and that reason is because those things at the end of our legs are our least attractive features.
I can't stand my feet being touched. The thought of having a mere foot rub makes me queasy. As for having a warm, wet tongue running up my instep, I'd rather have an enema with bleach and boiling candle wax.
We spend a large portion of our lives standing and walking, and these hideous lumps of flesh and bone have to take the strain. Hence, they wind up covered in hard skin, corns, blisters, verrucas and all other kinds of shit.
Why would anyone want to be in close proximity with stuff like that?
Why would anyone want a chubby, hairy toe stuck in their mouth?
What sort of freak would lick the sweat from the sole of a big fat foot at the end of a hard day's work?
Freaks like Sandra, that's who. Freaks who won't give you head until you get down and start lapping those tootsies.
I tried a diplomatic approach.
"Can't I just tickle them a bit instead?"
"No, that wouldn't be any fun at all!"
"Spit on your toes and give you a foot massage?"
"No way. I want some full on sucking action. I want you to lick me in all the gaps between the toes, too."
I looked down at her feet and pondered my predicament. Ten little toes looked back at me, and mocked me with their feety essence. I reached out, and poked one foot with my finger, like a child would poke a dead rat with a stick.
As she leant back, I gingerly picked up her right foot, and held it a few inches from my face.
"Go on...... suck 'em, honey!" Once again, she wiggled her toes, and it looked like five worms wriggling on a fishing hook. I opened my mouth, and slowly began to move it towards the offending appendage.
The toes became larger in my field of vision, like the giant lumps of disgusting flesh they were.
She better give some damn fine head for this.......... Come on, just get it over and done with.
I shut my eyes, and wrapped my mouth around her big toe.
"Oh yeah, that's what I'm talking about, YES!" She let this last word out as if she was having the biggest orgasm of her life.
I'm not sure if what happened next was because of the bizarre nature of her overreaction, or whether it was because the salty taste of sweat on her foot.
But with a combination of the two, I gagged. I well and truly heaved. The bottle of red wine I had drunk prior to engaging in this bout of foot-related frivolity erupted up from the depths, showering her foot with stomach warmed alcohol and cheese and onion Pringles.
"Shit, I'm sorry, I just gagged and - why are you looking at me like that?" She was smiling at me, with the look of the devil in her eyes.
"Wow.... You really know how to get a girl going! Quick, rub it in, before it dries!"
"What?"
"It's kinda kinky, don't you think?"
"WHAT?!"
"What's the matter?"
"You! You're one fucked up bitch, you know that?"
I gathered my clothes and high-tailed it out of Freaksville like a Cheetah that had just been kicked in the nuts.
It's a strange world we live in, and I know it takes all sorts to make the world go round. But if you wanna get freaky with me, then you better keep those little piggies where they belong.
And if I throw up on you at all, that's my bad. Just try not to enjoy it too much, ok?
User Reviews
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2007-04-18 18:30:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet title.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-04-17 04:31:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-04-17 03:56:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-04-17 08:51:22 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
But JoeyG if a lady asked you to pee on her, would you? Just curious as I was asked too a while ago.
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Been there, done that.
Although she didn't 'ask', exactly..... it just sorta happened.
Incontinence is a motherfucker.
_________________
Get a younger model next time Joey.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-04-17 03:56:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-04-17 08:51:22 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
But JoeyG if a lady asked you to pee on her, would you? Just curious as I was asked too a while ago.
-------------
Been there, done that.
Although she didn't 'ask', exactly..... it just sorta happened.
Incontinence is a motherfucker.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-04-17 03:51:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But JoeyG if a lady asked you to pee on her, would you? Just curious as I was asked too a while ago.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2007-04-17 02:49:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jojo747 (user info) at 2007-04-15 12:01:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
feels familiar
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-04-11 20:10:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You lead a strange life, and have a tremendously fucked up imagination.
God bless you.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-04-11 15:16:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-04-11 08:42:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i like feet
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-04-11 08:27:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Feet aren't all bad. Depends on the feet of course but mine aren't rank.
Submitted by odin (user info) at 2007-04-11 07:05:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-04-11 04:15:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Last night you had your tongue so far up my ass you could have tasted my lunch"
Wow...
There's not a whole lot I fiind repulsive, but I'd have to be really drunk to get around puke/feces/urine.
As far as skin goes, well, if the hygiene is good...what's the big freakin' deal?
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-04-11 03:55:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Really it's no more arbitrary than any of the other things people are attracted to.
But why the fuck would she do that to you in the middle of sex without any sort of warning? That is messed. Uncommon fetishes should at least be discussed before hand.
Next time you need to like get out the leather whip and the bunny costume right in the middle of it and see how she likes it.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-04-10 23:48:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-04-10 15:32:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-04-10 10:34:20 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and by bodily fluids, that is not all-inclusive...
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FOR THOSE OF YOU TO STUPID TO GET IT, IT MEANS SHE SWALLOWS A LOT OF JIZZ and nothing else...
(just trying to help sweetie, I wouldn't want you to be mis-understood)
========
Keep wooing me like that, JonnyX, and I'll be LIVING in the back of that TransAm...
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-04-10 21:41:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My feet are dead sexy...except for the hairy knuckles.
Submitted by Fatterrific (user info) at 2007-04-10 20:15:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, you're tripping. If a girl had nice feet, I would totally suck those sumbitches. Funny post though. And yeah, the puke thing would be a bit much.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-04-10 17:36:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-04-10 17:06:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2007-04-10 21:42:00 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'd rather suck on a used para-toss block
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para-toss block?
please explain..........
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-04-10 17:04:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dig you.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-04-10 16:42:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
massage the feet? Yeah.
Suck/lick the feet? no.
goes both ways, too.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2007-04-10 16:42:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'd rather suck on a used para-toss block
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-04-10 15:32:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-04-10 10:34:20 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and by bodily fluids, that is not all-inclusive...
--------------
FOR THOSE OF YOU TO STUPID TO GET IT, IT MEANS SHE SWALLOWS A LOT OF JIZZ and nothing else...
(just trying to help sweetie, I wouldn't want you to be mis-understood)
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-04-10 15:16:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-04-10 12:10:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-04-10 17:01:38 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Joey I want your babies!
I hate feet and toes are just frayed ends.
When you coming to Devon?
--------
I'm sure we can come to some arrangement!
I'm coming down towards the end of May. I'm selling my car to someone down there, but not until I can afford my new one, which wont be til I get my bonus next month - WAHOOOO!
_______
Cool beans! drop me an email sometime kazzyroo2.at.hotmail.co.uk
Submitted by Alcoholocaust (user info) at 2007-04-10 15:15:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-04-10 15:11:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, I have kicked the shit outta people for even trying to touch my feet. My Dad tried to wake me up for school once by grabbing one of my feet. My reaction was to kick him square in the chest while 1/2 asleep. My best friend has gone to the extent of introducing me by saying, 'This is Angel. Don't ever touch her feet.'
Hi, my name is Angel and I have a foot phobia.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-04-10 14:56:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Ten little toes looked back at me, and mocked me with their feety essence."
This line had me dying...
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-04-10 14:44:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
eew.
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2007-04-10 13:51:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i hate feet
Submitted by Yougotthatright (user info) at 2007-04-10 13:50:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If you don't understand the delicate art of the foot massage on a woman...You're missing out on a HUGE opportunity to make her feel almost as good as straight out sex...which is nothing more than your bad.
Where do you think all those "feel good" nerves end in the human body?
amateurs!
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-10 13:50:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I could do blood, so long as I know it's clean....ya know...AIDS free and all.
no shit, or piss on me though. That's wrong.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-04-10 13:47:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Piss, shit, puke and blood.
I suppose blood is negotiable.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-10 13:41:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-04-10 13:34:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and by bodily fluids, that is not all-inclusive...I mean the big four nasties.
=======
what are the big 4 nasties? to you anyway.
Submitted by prettyvacant (user info) at 2007-04-10 13:40:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Agreed
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-04-10 13:34:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and by bodily fluids, that is not all-inclusive...I mean the big four nasties.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-04-10 13:33:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No feet and no bodily fluids.
Oh yeah, and no animals.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-04-10 13:32:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ew seconded.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-04-10 13:03:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ew.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-04-10 12:55:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
gal feet are better than guy feet. no one needs to see a guy's hairy toe knuckles.
Submitted by bigdicrick (user info) at 2007-04-10 12:46:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate feet too. I would have slapped that bitch with some puddin.
Submitted by Zampano (user info) at 2007-04-10 12:43:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Feet are disgusting. Thanks for reminding me.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-04-10 12:13:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't think anything was crossing the line until the puke and her response of 'quick! Rub it in before it dries!'
I don't think feet are that special, and sure there are 100 places I'd rather lick/kiss/suck on, but that doesn't change too much. I mean, if the girl pulls her smeely 'athletes foot' infected feet out of some army boot that she'd been wearing for 3 days while walking in the dessert, then I might have some objections. But she her hygene is good, feet are not at all bad.
I'm sure that my balls smell of something fierce sometimes (hot summer days) and she'll still go down on me, so if she wants her toes sucked on, who am I am object?
As for the tongue in the pooper, if her hygene is good there is nothing wrong with this one either....
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-10 12:12:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Quick, rub it in, before it dries!"
I lost it at that line.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-04-10 12:10:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-04-10 17:01:38 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Joey I want your babies!
I hate feet and toes are just frayed ends.
When you coming to Devon?
--------
I'm sure we can come to some arrangement!
I'm coming down towards the end of May. I'm selling my car to someone down there, but not until I can afford my new one, which wont be til I get my bonus next month - WAHOOOO!
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-04-10 12:08:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-04-10 16:58:44 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can appreciate feet. Just not stinking ugly ones.
-----
All feet feet are stinking and ugly by default.
Oh, and I'll drop you an email later today, as long as my home pc doesn't crash on me again.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-10 12:05:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Toes don't bother me so much, though.
The only thing I really can't get into is nipple biting....mine anyway.
Some say it's kinky...I say it fucking hurts.
And I absolutely REFUSE to get involved with anything related to feces when it comes to sex. NO SIR!
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-04-10 12:02:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is mild in comparison to some of the antics I pull.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-04-10 12:01:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Joey I want your babies!
I hate feet and toes are just frayed ends.
When you coming to Devon?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-04-10 12:01:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cheers for that mental image
Submitted by Life101 (user info) at 2007-04-10 12:01:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Am i really the first to rate this?
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2007-04-10 12:01:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well written. I've never liked men licking my feet. It's just feet. There's nothing good there.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-04-10 11:59:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Whilst I might not enjoy having sex in a pool of chicken blood, it doesn't mean that other people won't"
Hey, don't knock it till you try it!
By the way, I'm with you on this. Feet are fuckin' disgusting!
Two parts of a woman I won't lick: feet and armpits. Armpits taste like cheese.
Anything else is fair game.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-04-10 11:58:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
See I would lick her toes; but there is no way my tongue is going in her ass, other parts yes but not my tongue.
Double standard I guess. I can appreciate feet. Just not stinking ugly ones.