Hoi Polloi (437 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.9 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Not Voltron (View user info) at 2007-05-27 04:51:43 EDT
To my so called "friends":
I'm sure you're all very glad to be reading this. It is the first attempt at communication with you ALL, in a single message, in quite some time. However, there are a few things we must clear up.
1. Myspace "friends"
Reposting some banal "true friends" or "fake friends" bulletin: it was overdone the first time I saw it. Perhaps you TRUE FRIENDS out there attach more importance to actual interpersonal interactions than to Shift+Ctrl+C Ctrl+V text that was written by an 8th grader. I challenge all of you who delete or keep myspace "friends" based on their brainless reposting of said bulletin to remember: when was the last time you actually interacted with this person, face to face? When was the last time we spoke on the phone? It's not like I haven't called you a time or two to exchange useful information. my number's in your cell phone for some reason. USE IT.
2. User "friends"
Sure, I understand that you've had a cough for x amount of days, and your secretions are various colors, and you're SO HIGHLY susceptible to various ailments I don't care about, but since when did I become your primary care provider? If you're so concerned about this oh so pressing health issue, make a fucking appointment. I don't know this much about health care because I was born this way- oh no- I did this thing called READING and RESEARCHING and GRADUATING and TAKING EXAMS. It may seem hard for you to understand when you're convinced you have communicable tuberculosis because I of ALL PEOPLE (with a background of treating MANY MANY SICK PEOPLE) had a positive PPD test, but active TB and LTBi are DIFFERENT. Hell, YOU may be the one with active Tb that made me react to the Mantoux test. THERE'S NO WAY TO TELL UNLESS YOU GO SEE YOUR LICENSED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER. I may know more about anatomy, pathology, psychology or any -ology than you and your clique combined, BUT I AM NOT YOUR DAMN DOCTOR. You want free medical advice, go to the free clinic. That's what it's there for, and guaranteed the overworked underpaid staff will not be HALF AS ACCOMMODATING TO YOUR NEED TO CALL WHEN BUSY as I am, when you catch me on my ONE EVENING OFF PER WEEK (i'm busy masturbating and clearing my head of idiot voices..such as yours). You really want to know something? Read a DSM. Hell, hit the internet up for information. They don't call it the World Wide Web for nothing.
3. "Friends" who just need a "little help"
Sure, I'll lend you five bucks to grab some lunch. Then I stop by your 2200$ a month apartment with nice waterfront view, hot tub, FULLY STOCKED fridge and wonder why the fuck didn't you just go home for lunch? Oh, wait, right, your fucking Expedition shits more than 5 dollars worth of gas when you start it. Sell the piece of shit dinosaur-devourer; commute 40+ miles each way with a Prius; even a Civic might help. I'm no hippie we-should-all-walk-to-work pothead, but use your damn brain and perhaps an accountant to balance that little discrepancy.
4. "Friend BASHERS"
Yes, I am aware that I have over 300 'people' on my so-called 'friends list'. Yes, most of them are people I have NOT MET in REAL LIFE, but are bands(shudder) or CAUSES (GASP) THAT I SUPPORT! Get this: A numerical value does not determine your position in the endless line of mortality.
Pause a moment. Let that sink in.
THE NUMBER IS NOT YOUR LIFE.
So maybe I can't respond to every mindless "CELL PHONE SURVEY" or "20 FIRSTS" survey in your otherwise unremarkable existence. Maybe I don't care. Maybe I'm paying more attention to, oh say, the Surfrider cause. Stop throwing shit on the beach, asshole. THINGS LIVE THERE AND THEY MAKE MORE OF A MARK IN THE EVOLUTION OF EARTH THAN YOU DO. Or perhaps I'm against pets for kicks/backyard breeders: Stop getting pets you can't keep because you just HAVE NO ROOM or are moving(knew about it when you bought the dog) or you suddenly realize your kid has progeria and you just love the damn dog to death but it's going to live longer than your genetically cursed offspring and you can't be faced with this omg terribel nightmaer get it away from me. Stop thinking that just because your pets LOOK full breed then they MUST BE worthy of breeding with another LOOKS LIKE FULL BREED, paperwork schmaperwork, they're SO CUTE OH THOSE DAMN PUPPIES.
5. People you talk to more on Yahoo! than face to face, Home Address Digit Difference > 2 "people"
Stop insinuating that everything that has ever and will ever happen in your social life is borne from the Internet womb; go outside, talk WITH people and not about them, return the phone calls of EVERYONE who calls you. You don't know when a life altering moment will take place. Maybe it's realizing that all these "friends" you've made are just shades of every personality you've grown accustomed to, and you've since learned to shut yourself away from such persons, and you are glad. Maybe it's realizing that when someone you love has a cancer that can't be cured, you throw yourself into your medical career to TRY, to make steps, to research, so no one else has to step into that hospital and watch the shake-head every health care professional exhibits when there is bad news, because of that cancer; your sleepless nights make a difference: No one else has to watch their loved one die from that. Maybe you have +300 "friends" to help you feel less isolated; to stay updated with the latest concerts and benefits and charity events. You get on the computer and imagine a utopia: nearly all the knowledge human minds have discovered; facts, experiments, case studies, urban legends, comedy, tragedy; all is in one screen. You imagine a world in which people enormously different than you seek knowledge, therefore becoming more like you.
Instead you are greeted with ignored stabs at communication, 'deletion' from the Great Myspace List Of Self-Worth and silence. Instead of a utopia, you discover that five out of five on this list have never heard of Wikipedia. Hell, they only use the internet to write IMs of literary genius, such as "R U? IDK, mayB l8r". They use real life to discuss outfits and various word choices in their shallow interactions with other human beings. "OMG, can you beLIEVE it??? I was like, seriously, what the hell?"
I dream at night of Newspeak.
We are at war with Eurasia.
We have never been at war with Eurasia.
User Reviews
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-05-29 23:17:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
so gay
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-05-27 14:25:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's just an all day suckfest with you, isn't it?
Submitted by LongestPants (user info) at 2007-05-27 13:27:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
8==D
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-05-27 12:27:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Believable up until the point you said you had friends.
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2007-05-27 12:10:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2007-05-27 11:33:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2007-05-27 10:27:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Eurasia is a wholly owned subsidiary of Halliburton (a division of SuperHappyFraterMax Shanghai).
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2007-05-27 10:18:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
k k kill yourself
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-05-27 08:04:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's right there in the drawer. Use it.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-05-27 05:56:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
*shakes head*
Submitted by NotVoltron (user info) at 2007-05-27 05:02:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i was DWB (drunk while blogging)
decided for some reason that my ass hasn't been reamed enough lately,
thus posted above treachery
dear god, my butt hurts
:( anal rape is forever -2
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-05-27 04:54:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
So you rewrote the article?