40 to 45. Let's keep it going, shall we? (1671 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.75 on 59 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bigmike (View user info) at 2007-06-13 11:57:50 EDT
All this hubub about 23 to 30 or 23-40. Christ almighty, lets get down to when the shit really hits the fan.
40 to 45.
Here's what you all have to look forward to.
The face in the mirror:
It will always look the same to you, but sometimes when you look it seems that the mirror is cracked into a hundred tiny little pieces. You will notice the littlest of things. Wrinkles that appeared out of nowhere. Lumps that look like blemishes only are not, they are just new additions to the already familiar contour of your skin. Others will notice these things also, but out of generosity they will never mention them.
The body in the mirror:
No matter how good of a shape you are in, the body will eventually rebel against you. You will have to work roughly five times harder to keep any semblance of your previous shape. This will seem like a monumental task, especially if you have young kids.
The kids:
.....are getting older. You will forget how old you are and then be reminded every day by looking at your kids. They will take on a new appearance to you. You will find yourself wondering when all these adults moved into your house. If you have a younger kid still living with you, you will long for him/her to stay that age forever. You will lament the days that all the kids were young and life was less expensive. On the flip side of all this are the activities. You will absolutely love watching your kids play sports or perform in school activities like music, plays, etc. it will be a driving force in your life and you will relish every minute, every inning, every moment.
Your asshole:
Will bleed occasionally. Get over it. Shit happens.
Your job:
Will seem meaningless no matter what it is that you do. Once you can almost see the finish line of life, your job becomes less important and your life seems infinitely more important. You must continue to grind it out though because those kids and their well being loom over you.
Your dreams:
Don't retire. Everybody has a dream. They seem so very far away when you are twenty. They seem even further away when you are in your forties. It may be time to let a few of those dreams die. Be careful which ones you hold onto, because your sanity could be at stake here. That dream you had of backpacking across Europe? Let it go. That dream you had of making sure that your kids were raised to be nice people? Keep that one. It's never too late for that. That whole menage e' tois thing? If you're a guy, it's going to cost you. If you're a woman, you probably have a shot at this until you're almost dead. You could make a little money with this as well ladies.
Your retirement:
You can see it coming. It's right there around the corner. What are you going to do? How will you handle it? If you didn't plan for this when you were in your twenties and thirties, then you better start doing some planning right now.
Your relationship:
You will enter a whole new realm here. In some cases, your relationship will be your second job. Always maintaining or compromising. Alway making sacrifices. It never seems to turn out quite like what you had in mind. It's a hard job, harder than any job you ever had before. Work at it though and maybe, just maybe it will turn out ok. You will have your doubts though. Those doubts sit on your shoulder in the form of a little devil always telling you to do things. Bad things. Things you would never consider doing ten years ago. Oh how nice it would be to listen to that little devil. Don't do it. Seriously. You will end up dead, or at the very least in prison. Let's see how you handle the rest of the above while you are bent over in a shower stall in severe pain because you dropped the soap.
Responsibility:
You can't shirk it, you can't hide from it. It's time to "Man up" and take on your responsibilities full force. You will be accountable for all of your actions because nobody likes a man that is always making excuses or placing the blame. There comes a point in your life when saying, "I'm sorry, I screwed up," doesn't seem like such a bad thing. Let's face it, you screw up every day if you are human. A simple apology works most of the time except for if your actions lead to someone else's death or, heaven forbid, the death of one of your children. By the way, if something you did ends up in the death of one of your children, your life is over. this didn't happen to me, but I know some people it has happened to. Take your responsibilities seriously.
Your penis:
Won't work like you want it to sometimes. You may argue with me here, but take a closer look. The sex thing isn't the only thing affected by age. Enough said here.
All in all, the getting old thing isn't so bad. there are lots of rewards compared to all the3 bad things that might happen. If you can sit there right now at 45 years of age and look back saying,"I think it's been pretty good so far," then you are doing ok. However, if the list of things you have/want to do is getting increasingly longer, it's time to prioritize and pare the list down.
Just a few thoughts from an old guy.
BM
46 years old
On the brink of death.
User Reviews
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-10-06 21:02:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-10-06 21:02:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an off hand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way
Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun
And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but its sinking
And racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in the relative way, but youre older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death
Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the english way
The time is gone, the song is over, thought Id something more to say
Home, home again
I like to be here when I can
And when I come home cold and tired
Its good to warm my bones beside the fire
Far away across the field
The tolling of the iron bell
Calls the faithful to their knees
To hear the softly spoken magic spells.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-10-06 20:36:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kind words from a youngster, one at least ten years younger than I. . .
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-15 12:40:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would like to meet Mrs Shlongy.........lets have bbq with some ribs and peppered steak.
PEPPERED STEAK RULES.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-14 19:19:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-14 15:02:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah...sure. Like those words would ever be uttered ny Shlongy to anyone, much less Mrs. Shlongy.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-14 14:31:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I was kidding, OathMeal. Please don't tell my wife I said I'd fight you." -Shlongy
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-14 14:19:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-14 12:13:05 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Trust me, it probably hurts the people WATCHING you try and play even more.
who asked you big nose?
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-06-14 13:31:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-06-14 03:21:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-06-14 03:06:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So I assume that you would come down from upstate NY and beat my ass if I started the whole, "Woe is me at 19, or *emo tears*" post.
Maybe. However I would probably just forgive you for writing it because, well because you're nineteen.
_______________
So its a win/win for me then?
Booya.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-14 13:13:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Trust me, it probably hurts the people WATCHING you try and play even more.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-14 12:57:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good work porky.
300 to go.
just messing.
i'm on a diet too.
i've been fattied by Houston.
Played football last night and was horrified at how much it hurt.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-06-14 09:58:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-14 09:14:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
maybe if you didn't have 5 Arbie's sammiches at lunch you wouldn't be on the brink of death.
Funny you should mention this big head.
I have dropped thirty five pounds since March.
And I didn't have to cut off any body parts to do it.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-06-14 09:55:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-06-14 03:21:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-06-14 03:06:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So I assume that you would come down from upstate NY and beat my ass if I started the whole, "Woe is me at 19, or *emo tears*" post.
Maybe. However I would probably just forgive you for writing it because, well because you're nineteen.
________________
Does that mean you'll forgive me for stupid things cause I'm 19?
...
I wish everyone I ever worked for felt that way.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-14 09:14:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
maybe if you didn't have 5 Arbie's sammiches at lunch you wouldn't be on the brink of death.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-06-14 08:39:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-06-14 05:24:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very insightful.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-06-14 04:38:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-06-14 02:35:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-06-13 19:50:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
46 years old
On the brink of death.
---------
Oh fuck off
Haha. Actually this was a description of me in relation to the average age of a uberite. You guys are so young that it makes me feel like I am at the brink of death.
Of course, if my family heritage holds true I have about 26 years left.
What would you do with your last 26 years?
--
Christ what a question; most people here havent even figured out what to do with the first 26.
I have been out of the first 26 for nearly 4 years; and I'm taking some 'Time Out' to think. Either that or I have just slipped into a drunken and lazy way of life.
Actually that's it. This is my life now, oh fuck me!
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-06-14 04:03:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You forgot about the most important item; Time, and how it geometrically speeds up as one gets older
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-06-14 03:34:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-06-14 03:21:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-06-14 03:06:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So I assume that you would come down from upstate NY and beat my ass if I started the whole, "Woe is me at 19, or *emo tears*" post.
Maybe. However I would probably just forgive you for writing it because, well because you're nineteen.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-06-14 03:15:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
good to see good old big mike in action again
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-06-14 03:15:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ok...whose going to have the balls to do the additional decade that follows this one?
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-06-14 03:06:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So I assume that you would come down from upstate NY and beat my ass if I started the whole, "Woe is me at 19, or *emo tears*" post.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-06-14 02:35:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-06-13 19:50:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
46 years old
On the brink of death.
---------
Oh fuck off
Haha. Actually this was a description of me in relation to the average age of a uberite. You guys are so young that it makes me feel like I am at the brink of death.
Of course, if my family heritage holds true I have about 26 years left.
What would you do with your last 26 years?
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-06-14 01:18:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-06-13 14:05:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-06-13 13:04:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-06-13 12:30:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah the 40s. The age when Cougars start pushing their hemorrhoids into their assholes to keep them out of sight during sex, completely forgetting that the young guys they lust after love it dog style and OOPS IT POPPED OUT BLEAARAGHG!
________________
I hate you.
---
Completely untrue.
________________
Yeah, I guess you're right. I don't appreciate that you made me throw up though.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-06-14 00:06:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I should make my dad write me up one for turning 60...
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-06-13 22:20:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For once someone on Uber makes me feel YOUNG.
Thanks, Mike.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-06-13 21:05:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-06-14 09:50:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
46 years old
On the brink of death.
---------
Oh fuck off
--------
? I thought he was being ironic or whatever you wanna call it, myself.
Depressing, Mikey, depressing.
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2007-06-13 19:51:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A lot of truth here
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-06-13 19:50:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
46 years old
On the brink of death.
---------
Oh fuck off
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2007-06-13 18:25:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dexter-Brown (user info) at 2007-06-13 17:06:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-06-13 16:54:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-13 14:45:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My "dreams" are to not work, play cards, drink every day, squeeze some golf in there somewhere, and hopefully get fucked (or blown) a lot.
I think I have a damn good chance of pulling this off.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-06-13 14:32:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-06-13 14:02:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The body in the mirror:
No matter how good of a shape you are in, the body will eventually rebel against you. You will have to work roughly five times harder to keep any semblance of your previous shape. This will seem like a monumental task, especially if you have young kids.
======
Truth.
The first inkling of this occurs in my group, 30-39. Even though I'm still in as good of shape and can do everything I could do in my 20's, I have to work a little harder to maintain it.
I think my ass would dearly love to widen and expand thus giving me the appearance of a pear.
Yes forensic, it would. Fortunately for you, there are many of us out here that would gladly grab it anyway. :)
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-06-13 14:29:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Flapjacksupreme (user info) at 2007-06-13 12:09:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What if you put a popsicle stick splint on your cock, does that make it any better during sex?
Never tried this, but the word "splinters" comes to mind pretty quickly.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-06-13 14:28:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-13 12:57:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The only thing I'll disagree with is the "Don't Retire" typo.
Not really a typo.
It reads Your dreams......don't retire.
Not that you shouldn't retire. I probably should have written that a little better.
Nobody's dreams retire. They just keep on seeming a little further away.
Hilarity, kudos to you for taking Dad fishing. My guess is, it's more of a joy for him to be fishing with you, than to be just fishing.
There's more to this btw, much more. I just thought you should have it in bits and pieces. :)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-06-13 14:05:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-06-13 13:04:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-06-13 12:30:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah the 40s. The age when Cougars start pushing their hemorrhoids into their assholes to keep them out of sight during sex, completely forgetting that the young guys they lust after love it dog style and OOPS IT POPPED OUT BLEAARAGHG!
________________
I hate you.
---
Completely untrue.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-06-13 14:05:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
life is depressing.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-06-13 14:02:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The body in the mirror:
No matter how good of a shape you are in, the body will eventually rebel against you. You will have to work roughly five times harder to keep any semblance of your previous shape. This will seem like a monumental task, especially if you have young kids.
======
Truth.
The first inkling of this occurs in my group, 30-39. Even though I'm still in as good of shape and can do everything I could do in my 20's, I have to work a little harder to maintain it.
I think my ass would dearly love to widen and expand thus giving me the appearance of a pear.
I've got news for my ass though, there will be NO widening and expanding if I have anything to say about it.
It'll win eventually. Hopefully by then I won't give a damn.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-06-13 13:53:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We're DINKs too so some of this post doesn't apply but in general you're right BM.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-06-13 13:43:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this...
Make me terrified of hitting 40, but I liked this, nonetheless.
Good thing I've got some time, though.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-06-13 13:15:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The best gift I ever received in prison was soap on a rope.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2007-06-13 13:12:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So it goes.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-06-13 13:04:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-06-13 12:30:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah the 40s. The age when Cougars start pushing their hemorrhoids into their assholes to keep them out of sight during sex, completely forgetting that the young guys they lust after love it dog style and OOPS IT POPPED OUT BLEAARAGHG!
________________
I hate you.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-06-13 12:58:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i've always got a +2 handy for BigMike
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-13 12:57:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The only thing I'll disagree with is the "Don't Retire" typo.
I'm all done in 3 and a half years...50 is where I draw the line.
Now I'm not saying I won't be earning money - far from it, as I will be dominating poker games 5 times a week.
I just won't be earing money at a fucking job.
Other than that...right on.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2007-06-13 12:42:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
reality check.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-06-13 12:30:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah the 40s. The age when Cougars start pushing their hemorrhoids into their assholes to keep them out of sight during sex, completely forgetting that the young guys they lust after love it dog style and OOPS IT POPPED OUT BLEAARAGHG!
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-06-13 12:28:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
p.s. Mike, I'm taking my pops fishing for Daddy's Day :)
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-13 12:25:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like Mike.
Submitted by raebuf (user info) at 2007-06-13 12:25:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck, man.
I'm ALWAYS going to be buff. I don't give a shit. I'll spend 3 hours a day lifting crates of potatoes if I have to but I swear to god I'm not giving up my strength.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-06-13 12:19:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-06-13 11:59:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sad, but true.
------------
Agree for the most part, in that it's mostly true but it's not really all that sad. It's just the way things go.
From my perspective, I'll tell you that the relationship part is a lot easier on us DINKs because you don't suddenly wake up one day and realize that your kids need a (mom/dad) too and that's the only reason the person sleeping next to you isn't mysteriously dead. And you don't have the worry of how/what/who your kids are doing. And the retirement's taken care of, since you can invest all the kid-raising money.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-06-13 12:19:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for giving me some incite into my father's world, Mike.
Submitted by EmoJean (user info) at 2007-06-13 12:13:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The other day my wife says to me 'the days are just plain harder now'...and she's right, we've got 2 kids, a mortgage, I've changed jobs and I'm thinking about doing it again, I got diagnosed with diabetes (at fucking 31) and so on and so forth.
I thought about it for a few minutes and I replied ' yes they are harder but the rewards are much greater'. Seems simple enough in its logic right, but its the absolute truth.
I looked at my oldest the other day and it hit me like a sledgehammer that holy shit this is a little person now, she has thoughts in her head that I can't even begin to imagine and that simple revelation fucking blew me away and all I could think is...you better keep your shit together maguire.
Submitted by raebuf (user info) at 2007-06-13 12:11:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*clap clap clap*
Submitted by Flapjacksupreme (user info) at 2007-06-13 12:09:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What if you put a popsicle stick splint on your cock, does that make it any better during sex?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-06-13 12:09:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-06-13 11:59:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sad, but true.