The Battle-- Old People vs. Young People (2444 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.66 on 85 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sideburns (View user info) at 2007-12-19 14:53:59 EST
Wow, it's definitely been a long time since I've graced the presence of Uber. From what I've read, you can apparently post crap nowadays and have it widely accepted by the Uber community. That being said, I think I'll contribute to the huge pile and then disappear for a few more years.
When I first heard this story, as told by my friend, the first thing that popped into my mind was that this would make a good post for Uber. Then I realized how times have changed in the Uber community, but fuck it. You assholes need a short, funny story to grace the presence of the quantity driven, quality lacking front page.
Once again, this was recollected to me by a friend:
"I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes. We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.
When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one. And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.
'Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son'."
-Sideburns
User Reviews
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2008-10-19 00:37:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i see that everyone still loves a good Burnsie post..
well, you know.
me anyway.
but was there ever a time when i didnt metaphorically suck your dick? =)
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2007-12-20 22:38:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oldie but a goodie. good to hear from you there cuntface
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-12-20 19:53:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-19 22:39:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i just fucking groan after i read each and every one of your reviews Bubba.**
i'm not sure what i ever did to get on your bad side, but i'm sure it involved something like not fellating Ginger McCallum or that 15 year old boy d-prime you tried to entrap in some kind of choir boy-esque relationship. whatever it was, it was worth it as being appreciated by you in any way always leads to creepy homosexual advances (see examples provided above)and i'd rather suffer through those reviews than have to fend you off, you sick fucker.
you make my skin crawl like few others ever have around here.
*********
damn, that's dead-nuts on the mark
**i cringe, honest to God
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2007-12-20 17:57:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Short and sweet.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2007-12-20 15:30:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HUZZAH
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2007-12-20 15:11:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
a sideburns post, and now hes gone for another few years. i missed him again.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-12-20 11:13:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-12-20 09:32:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You've already gotten enough crap for posting an old joke, so I won't add to that whinefest...still larfed, though.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-12-20 08:18:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:11:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:09:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I hope you guys don't represent the new generation. You take a small "jab" from one paragraph and try to make something huge out of it. Change your tampon and lighten up, guys.
***
lol like it's changed... it's always been like this, you just don't know these people. I remember Loren and Nicole and whoever ganging up on users, before, over stupid crap. It's the same game, different players.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Troof.
Glad to hear the marriage is going well and all, though. Stay frosty. Oh, hey...did I ever tell you I had a dream that you and I Eiffel Towered Pheonix? That shit was crazy.
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-12-20 06:01:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this is such a ridiculously ancient joke. i hope you don't come back.
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-12-20 05:12:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
win
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2007-12-20 04:07:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-12-20 02:34:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
:D
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-12-20 01:12:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for ghey helicopter pilots
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-12-19 23:38:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can tell you put a lot of effort into this.
Submitted by vexx (user info) at 2007-12-19 23:27:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck the haters.
We've missed you, Burns.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2007-12-19 23:27:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for gracing us with your presence, dickhead.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-12-19 23:01:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i loled.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-12-19 22:44:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
That should be "graced Uber with your presence." Not to be a total cunt about it but whatever. Also, this post blew. Seriously I want my 20 seconds back.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-19 22:39:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i just fucking groan after i read each and every one of your reviews Bubba.
i'm not sure what i ever did to get on your bad side, but i'm sure it involved something like not fellating Ginger McCallum or that 15 year old boy d-prime you tried to entrap in some kind of choir boy-esque relationship. whatever it was, it was worth it as being appreciated by you in any way always leads to creepy homosexual advances (see examples provided above)and i'd rather suffer through those reviews than have to fend you off, you sick fucker.
you make my skin crawl like few others ever have around here.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-12-19 22:01:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Post more.
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2007-12-19 21:17:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2007-12-19 21:08:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-19 20:57:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahahahahaha
why don't YOU take me out and whip my ass, bubba?
or better yet take your dentures out and give me a gummer, you decrepit, humourless, old fuck.
**************
Scrounge, you're just as STUPID as the other assholes on here. You call me Bubba, and I AM NOT HIM!!!
I can't whip your ass , chump, because I am 5' 2" and about 110 lbs.
Although, I have MANY friends who could kick your buut. But I consider you a piece of shit not worthy of my rancid farts. So fuck off.
*****
I seriously hope you have a "buut," because I type worse than you do. :)
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2007-12-19 21:08:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-19 20:57:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahahahahaha
why don't YOU take me out and whip my ass, bubba?
or better yet take your dentures out and give me a gummer, you decrepit, humourless, old fuck.
**************
Scrounge, you're just as STUPID as the other assholes on here. You call me Bubba, and I AM NOT HIM!!!
I can't whip your ass , chump, because I am 5' 2" and about 110 lbs.
Although, I have MANY friends who could kick your buut. But I consider you a piece of shit not worthy of my rancid farts. So fuck off.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-19 20:57:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahahahahaha
why don't YOU take me out and whip my ass, bubba?
or better yet take your dentures out and give me a gummer, you decrepit, humourless, old fuck.
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2007-12-19 20:50:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-12-19 20:44:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
y helo thar bubba
****
Wildfag, you're just as stupid as the rest of the yokels 'round here. Simply 'cause my "stile" is similar to Bubba, you think I is him. Well, I know whom Bubba is, and I believe he's from Colorado. I am from Michigan. Detroit, to be exact. The Motor City.
Like you have never affected a "style" to hide your presence?
Get a clue. . . .
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-12-19 20:44:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
y helo thar bubba
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2007-12-19 20:40:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:58:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
changed my mind about the rating upon finishing this.
you continue to berate the site for how bad it is, then you post a fucking ancient (and bad) joke? if you want to vocalize about the problem, don't immediately contribute to it.
==========
Someone needs to take the FAGGOT Scourge out and whup his homosexual ASS!!!
SEEMYPOINT,ASSHOLE?
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-12-19 16:56:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Total bs but I chuckled.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-19 16:12:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hahaha below.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-12-19 16:03:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:46:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
where are we going?
also, cock measuring?
who's doing any of that?
did someone tell sico he already lost?
i have a lot of unanswered questions about this cock measuring.
===
Oh pay no attention to me. I'm menstrual. I've been on your side since you took me to your trailer.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-12-19 16:02:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you were posting crap four years ago
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:59:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://loituma.pwnz.nl/
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:58:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:46:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
where are we going?
also, cock measuring?
who's doing any of that?
did someone tell sico he already lost?
i have a lot of unanswered questions about this cock measuring.
------
How you gonna measure an "innie"?
(ducks)
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:52:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:39:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:37:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
pissing contest below.
i win par défaut.
stfu pls
------
The gay guy ALWAYS wins because his piss sprays in 15 different directions. Cheater.
===
why do gays piss every direction, care to explain that?
unless... http://www2.ubersite.com/m/100456
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:52:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
old people will never win. no matter what they say - they're still old. And yes, the age bracket for old is 25 and over.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:46:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well I don't know how to interpret those caps, but I do know that when I saw a Sideburns post on the front page I was uberexcited to read it.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:46:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Nope. We're not going anywhere. I'm out this bitch.
Keep in touch, meth.
AIM= SIDEBURNSIAM
Holla! See you guys in a few more years!
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:46:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
where are we going?
also, cock measuring?
who's doing any of that?
did someone tell sico he already lost?
i have a lot of unanswered questions about this cock measuring.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:44:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
here we go
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:39:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:37:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
pissing contest below.
i win par défaut.
stfu pls
------
The gay guy ALWAYS wins because his piss sprays in 15 different directions. Cheater.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:39:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:33:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:28:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Nope. Bought our first house this year. Became a certified personal trainer, opened my own personal training studio and am currently trying to make it profitable.
You?
---------------
Nice. I am guessing this is after spending the last year making extensive uses of steroids and constant exercise?
Hitched and just moved into the second house.
--------------
You're old now.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:37:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
pissing contest below.
i win par défaut.
stfu pls
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:36:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:32:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:11:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:09:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I hope you guys don't represent the new generation. You take a small "jab" from one paragraph and try to make something huge out of it. Change your tampon and lighten up, guys.
***
lol like it's changed... it's always been like this, you just don't know these people. I remember Loren and Nicole and whoever ganging up on users, before, over stupid crap. It's the same game, different players.
===
Not to meddle in the cockmeasuring below, but it's good to hear a 'veteran' user say as much.
I love that we've been here over two years and we're still the 'new generation' in Sideburns's eyes- when just a few months ago the new generation was nothing but alters created by the same 2 users. At least we sort of cared at SOME point, you know?
--------
I'm not trying to offend anybody. If I've never heard of most of you (Although I know who YOU are). I haven't posted regularly in 3 years. Technically, I'm the new guy.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:33:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:28:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Nope. Bought our first house this year. Became a certified personal trainer, opened my own personal training studio and am currently trying to make it profitable.
You?
---------------
Nice. I am guessing this is after spending the last year making extensive uses of steroids and constant exercise?
Hitched and just moved into the second house.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:32:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:11:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:09:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I hope you guys don't represent the new generation. You take a small "jab" from one paragraph and try to make something huge out of it. Change your tampon and lighten up, guys.
***
lol like it's changed... it's always been like this, you just don't know these people. I remember Loren and Nicole and whoever ganging up on users, before, over stupid crap. It's the same game, different players.
===
Not to meddle in the cockmeasuring below, but it's good to hear a 'veteran' user say as much.
I love that we've been here over two years and we're still the 'new generation' in Sideburns's eyes- when just a few months ago the new generation was nothing but alters created by the same 2 users. At least we sort of cared at SOME point, you know?
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:28:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:25:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Welcome back, you divorced yet?
------
Nope. Bought our first house this year. Became a certified personal trainer, opened my own personal training studio and am currently trying to make it profitable.
You?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:27:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I did out loud...seriously, I laughed.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:25:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Welcome back, you divorced yet?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:24:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
shit, I think one of my fillings fell out of my teeth!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:22:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i can be easily amused by the way and am usually more generous with my ratings than I really should be.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:21:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well, i chuckled hence the beautiful, (i am fucking bored right now) and yes I do think you should post more. I remember reading your stuff when I joined, been here a while.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:20:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:18:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
(I'm always right)
--------
duh.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:18:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No, this post sucks.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:18:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
(I'm always right)
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:17:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
obligatory Uber-elder positive rating
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:16:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
corn_nugget is right.
i haven't attacked you or made any characterizations about you. i gave your post a rating and then, when you got defensive, explained why just to further try and keep myself from looking like some kind of arrogant douchebag or troll.
you responded with some 'noob inferiority' comment then a tampon reference.
do you really think this was really such a great post that you feel the need to defend it like this?
grow a thicker skin fella.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:16:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:15:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
manwhore
---------
...and still whorin' it up.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:15:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Huh. You sure, barenaked?
I thought that the old guy coming back into town and trash it would be more widely accepted by the new occupiers. Go figure!
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:15:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
manwhore
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:14:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
God damn, Meth. Did you forget to change the Uber filter?
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:13:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
beautiful and excellent to see you post again. do it more often please. PLEASE
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:13:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hey lover, when can I pick up my Liza Minelli CDs from your apartment?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:11:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:09:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I hope you guys don't represent the new generation. You take a small "jab" from one paragraph and try to make something huge out of it. Change your tampon and lighten up, guys.
***
lol like it's changed... it's always been like this, you just don't know these people. I remember Loren and Nicole and whoever ganging up on users, before, over stupid crap. It's the same game, different players.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:10:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You stand up for your new crop. I like you.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:09:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I hope you guys don't represent the new generation. You take a small "jab" from one paragraph and try to make something huge out of it. Change your tampon and lighten up, guys.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:08:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:02:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
who are you...that's a good one
why not say 'don't you know who I am' and we'll all just bow down and lick your toes
=================
But the thing is... you do know who he is.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:07:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
if you'd follow my reviews you'll see that i commented when i got a sentence into this post of yours.
i revised my rating when i had finished and saw that you CONTINUED in the same vein within the body of your post.
does this clarification help you?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:07:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Oh, well jolly good. I will just crawl back under my rock of inferiority complex.
Good day.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:06:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That wasn't targeted toward you.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:05:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You say "continue" as if I'm here everyday complaining about Uber.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:05:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2007-12-19 20:01:38 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
Please forgive me, but who are you?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shit, I forgot, nOObs are not supposed to comment on old users posts. SO sorry.
My opinion is highly invalid. I didn't realise this was a 'come suck my dick old users' post.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:05:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm an uberuser.
see here: http://www.ubersite.com/u/scourge
for future reference, the whole, 'and you are again?' thing is really very unbecoming, and quite frankly a defense one would only use when they have no other. and it's not quite as scathing as you seem to believe. try again...and with some gusto this time, please
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:04:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh sideburns... this is a sad sad day.
Submitted by Flak (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:03:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-19 13:58:39 CST (#)
Ranking: -2
changed my mind about the rating upon finishing this.
you continue to berate the site for how bad it is, then you post a fucking ancient (and bad) joke? if you want to vocalize about the problem, don't immediately contribute to it.
----------
yep
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:02:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
who are you...that's a good one
why not say 'don't you know who I am' and we'll all just bow down and lick your toes
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:02:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe saying 'widely accepted' was a bit of a stretch.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:01:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Please forgive me, but who are you?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:01:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
A bit Reader's Digest.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:58:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
changed my mind about the rating upon finishing this.
you continue to berate the site for how bad it is, then you post a fucking ancient (and bad) joke? if you want to vocalize about the problem, don't immediately contribute to it.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:58:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
crap is widely accepted? have you seen the ratings on the front page?
please try to pay attention.
funny story.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:57:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:57:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now that was funny.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:56:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
'From what I've read, you can apparently post crap nowadays and have it widely accepted by the Uber community.'
Meaning it hasn't changed a bit since you were last here...or since the day you appeared for that matter?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:55:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lol nice
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:54:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
God damn you for posting right after I did.
Okay, I'll go read this now.