today is the day the tree goes away (1237 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.49 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by loki (View user info) at 2008-01-01 14:03:01 EST
My mom is one of those people who get a bit manic around Christmas. Growing up it was like living in Christmasville. There was not a single room in the house that escaped the yule time transformation including the bathrooms. We even had trees in our bedrooms and keep in mind that I was a kid in the 70's so it was all really tacky in a huge multi-colored flashing bulb sort of way. The scariest thing was the huge silver metallic tree that she insisted on putting in the den. I think that thing somehow got lost when we moved once because my dad always hated it.
I don't know how the house didn't burn down because not only would all of this stuff go up the weekend of Thanksgiving but she resisted taking it down as long as possible. First we would have to leave it up until something called "Twelfth Night". I have no idea what Twelfth Night is, no one does. I looked it up once and it said, "Twelfth Night, like Kwanzaa is a completely made up holiday that is primarily used as an excuse for crazy people to leave Christmas decorations up long past what is considered reasonable."
Eventually my dad would snap and enlist our help in taking everything down while my mom moped around and acted like we were betraying her in some way.
good times
Even now I specifically go see my parents around the first of January to help my dad take down all the Christmas decorations. I pretend that it is because my dad shouldn't be climbing into the attic anymore but its really to help keep the poor man sane. Last year as an experiment I left up a small tree she had on a table in the corner of her study just to see how long she would leave it up. Believe it or not that tree is still there.
By contrast, Sam and I may or may not do any decorating depending on what we have going on. This year we had a party on Christmas Eve so I force marched Sam out into my dad's land to haul back a tree. That isn't as odd as it sounds. A few years ago my dad planted a small tree lot. He later decided that it was more trouble than it was worth so we use it as our personal tree lot.
The point is, we decorated for Christmas. We went all out too. Not only is there a fully decorated tree with brand new LED lights on it, but a wreath on the door, Spode crap on the table, stockings over the fireplace, and some little old world Santa figures on the entertainment center. I even have up the nativity set that I brought back from Mexico a few years ago. I never have been able to figure out for sure which one of the little figures is supposed to be Joseph versus one of the three wise men, but then again the whole Mary baby-daddy thing is a bit open to interpretation. I didn't figure it made much difference so I picked the one that looks the most Jewish and ran with it.
Then we had the party. It was a real Gonzo affair too. People drinking wine, talking, nibbling finger foods, there was some music playing until the menfolk discovered that there was a football game on. I'm shocked that the police didn't come bust the place up.
Then the next morning was Christmas rah who roray rah who roray welcome christmas christmas day...
and it was all I could do to keep Sam from pitching the tree out that day. Not that I'm shooting for this Twelfth Night thing but dear GOD Christmas DAY?!?
We made a deal that he would wait until there were at least two other trees out on the neighbor's lawns before we took it all down. The second tree showed up today so the only thing saving Christmas is that someone has a slight New Years hangover and is having a football nap. I'mre-potting the Norfolk Island Pine in something that doesn't look Christmasy so it doesn't end up tossed on the lawn.
I think kitty is going to miss the tree.
User Reviews
Submitted by Tony_the_Tiger_is_a_Pedophile (user info) at 2008-01-05 19:10:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
is it just me or does it seem like every cat looks like its about to shoot lasers out of its eyes that melt your skin off raiders of the lost ark style?
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2008-01-05 18:36:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I got an e-mail from my mom, she actually mentioned 12th night. Some things never change I suppose.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-04 15:46:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-01-03 17:47:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is a guilty +2 as my lights are still up. I suppose I should take them down this weekend.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-01-03 16:52:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-01-01 16:21:14 CST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-01 22:17:25 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-01-01 22:16:26 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-01 22:13:37 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
I de-trimmed the day after Boxing day.
-------------------
I now have a glorious vision in my head :)
------------------
Pervert :)
-------------
Yes, I think you're right. :(
But still, it's a nice thought :)
====================
Ummm....Joey? You DO realise that "de-trimming" would mean that she put hair back ON, correct?
Call me new-fashioned, but I prefer trimming over de-trimming.
As for my house, I was damn lucky to get Mrs. Thorns to take down 90% of it on New Year's Day. At least the tree's sitting out front for the mulching truck now. :)
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-03 08:39:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2008-01-02 14:21:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-01-02 11:07:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your mother sounds a lot like my ex mother-in-law. That woman would put tacky shit in every available square inch of space she had.
It looked like Christmas took a huge dump in her house.
Anyway, she too decorated her bathrooms. I found I simply couldn't pee with a Santa watching me.
Her lights always made me laugh. I believe they were the tackiest, most gaudy ones she could find.
Some of the bulbs were burned out (or didn't work), the blinks were totally out of sync, and inexplicably they would stop working for hours at a time, then come back on.
Why she didn't get some new ones, I dunno. She did say once that they had "sentimental value."
How the hell can a string of lights have sentimental value?!?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-01-02 10:06:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-02 08:41:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't like when a woman says, "Make love to me." It's intimidating. The last time a woman said that to me, I wound up apologizing to her.
***
lol
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-02 08:41:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't like when a woman says, "Make love to me." It's intimidating. The last time a woman said that to me, I wound up apologizing to her.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-02 08:37:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I feel like that about the mirror in River Island.
I lose at least 10 pounds, gain several inches in height and look 5 years younger.
So I buy the clothes, take them home and look in my own mirror and hey! I am mutton dressed as lamb.
Fat, short and wrinkley mutton.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-02 08:33:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
in a week apparently.
I love the mirror in the bathroom. I don't know what in the hell it is, I look terrific in that mirror. I don't know if its the tile or the lighting... I feel like Robert Wagner in there
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-02 08:27:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It is your Uberversary first, El.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-02 07:18:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i will be 31!!
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-02 07:17:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
so what'll you be...in dog years?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-02 07:14:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
its ok muddy you can celebrate my birthday on the 18th
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-01-02 07:13:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
mine was gone the 28th.
no one sent me chocolate covered pretzels with red and green sprinkles this year
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2008-01-02 07:01:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
loki=auto+2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-01-02 07:00:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I got a lot of socks, which was good, but then some people tried to get me imaginative gifts which just ruined the whole thing.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-02 06:49:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Did someone get HAIR STRAIGHTENERS again?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-01-02 06:47:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The only thing I hate more than Christmas decorations are Christmas presents. I might seriously convert to Islam just to get out of the whole fucking business once and for all.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-01-02 05:20:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I punched Mickey Mantle in the mouth
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2008-01-01 19:31:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You should actually try interpreting and understanding content when you read it.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-01-01 17:21:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-01 22:17:25 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-01-01 22:16:26 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-01 22:13:37 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
I de-trimmed the day after Boxing day.
-------------------
I now have a glorious vision in my head :)
------------------
Pervert :)
-------------
Yes, I think you're right. :(
But still, it's a nice thought :)
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-01 17:17:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-01-01 22:16:26 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-01 22:13:37 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
I de-trimmed the day after Boxing day.
-------------------
I now have a glorious vision in my head :)
------------------
Pervert :)
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-01-01 17:16:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-01 22:13:37 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
I de-trimmed the day after Boxing day.
-------------------
I now have a glorious vision in my head :)
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-01-01 17:13:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Between them, my toddler and kitten pulled our tree down a million times. I de-trimmed the day after Boxing day.
Hoovering up pine needles makes a very satisfying sound.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2008-01-01 16:58:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
They did a thing here in the paper asking people to send in odd tree toppers. This is my favorite: http://www.charlotte.com/mobile/story/411683.html
If the link doesn't work, it's an iguana that likes to climb the tree and hang out at the top.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-01-01 16:36:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i discovered this year that christmas trees make very good indoor clothes drying racks
the plastic trees that is. i'm not sure how a real tree would go.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-01-01 15:11:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My cat goes to sleep in the branches of my Christmas tree. It looks really uncomfortable, but she seems happy.
Submitted by brokenlizard534 (user info) at 2008-01-01 15:08:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-01 14:31:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My moms loves Christmas too... She has three gigantic boxes filled with stuff - and now only rotates one box at at a time.
Oh and each year is a theme. Last year was snowmen.
We didn't actually have Christmas this year... choosing instead to be on a Cruise in mexico away from the emptiness and sadness that empty stocking would inspire - but I am hopeful next year it will make its triumphant return.
Or maybe we'll go to Maui.
Happy New Year dahling.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-01 14:23:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
70,000 hits for this!!!
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-01-01 14:13:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You didn't look very far. . .
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twelve_Days_of_Christmas