*Click* (1417 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.94 on 69 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (View user info) at 2008-03-26 03:27:23 EDT
The ice over the lake was no thicker than a toenail, but when the black slippers skimmed across it the surface remained intact, the only evidence of Asaga's passing being spidery cracks that clicked out from his otherwise silent body.
The moon glowed lint grey off the snow in the trees. In the distance, Asaga heard a dog bark.
He flew along the ground on the other side of the lake, indistinguishable from his own shadow. The snow below his feet puffing out in muffled thumps. Asaga's weighted cape dragged over his footprints, concealing their direction and depth and muffling his scent with the strong smell of lavender.
Asaga crouched down below a high outer wall as a strong light swept out across the lake to the hunched treeline, 300 yards away.
His black-clad hands felt along the wall. To anyone else, the rough sandstone afforded little grip. To Asaga, however, every poorly formed brick, each tiny irregularity slid under his fingers like rungs on a ladder.
The light swept across the lake again then in one fluid movement Asaga scaled the wall. He stopped on top of the wall as the dog barked again and then dropped silently into one of the outer gardens.
A two storey brick guesthouse rose up in front of him. The Target, he knew, was inside.
Asaga crept across the lawn, dappled shadows from a stand of pine trees, evergreen even in the bitter cold, concealed his movements. e hardly slowed as he reached the largest of the pines and began to scale it.
The pine needles were thick and fragrant, and climbing the tree was difficult while trying to minimise noise at the same time.
Within seconds he was in position, about twenty feet off the ground. The information he had gleaned from his informant was accurate, and Asaga could see a thick wedge of light pouring out a second storey window.
Adjusting himself so that he could see inside, he realised how acute the angle he would be shooting from was. It was difficult, but by no means beyond his skills.
Within ten minutes, just as the outside cold began to creep into Asaga's gloves, the door clicked open and the Target entered what Asaga knew to be the bathroom.
Asaga pulled a long black device from behind his back. Normally shiny, Asaga had had the prescience to paint it matt black so it would not reflect the moon.
The target settled herself on the toilet and Asaga tensed, bringing the tool up in front of him.
With a barely audible *click* the device shot, and Asaga didn't breathe for a full ten seconds as he contemplated whether he had hit his mark. To be sure, he shot again.
*click*
He had no idea how long he had to escape, but he wasted no time. Down the tree, across the garden and back over the wall, Asaga barely breathed as flew across the ground. He expected that, any minute, the world would explode into a cacophony of lights and sirens, and it wasn't until he was all the way back across he lake before he finally let out a sigh of relief.
Asaga pulled out the device again, offering a silent prayer that his aim had been accurate. If he missed this was all for nothing.
Safely in the concealment of the woods, Asaga turned the four inch LCD display of his camera on and flicked the menu to 'recent pictures'
There, his last two shots clearly showed his target, Britney Spears, doing a line of white powder while taking a shit at Auville Rehabilitation center.
The second shot, the better of the two, showed her nose deep in the stuff. Asaga knew he had over $2 million dollars worth of paparazzi gold in his hands, and allowed himself the slightest of smiled as he slipped off into the black.
User Reviews
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-04-30 14:39:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/116408#2700792
haha.
Does this mean this post is officially quarantined until someone else reviews it?
You fucking spaz.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-04-02 22:28:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-04-01 16:48:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-03-31 16:44:16 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-03-31 19:25:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-03-31 16:06:23 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Picture on the left you are the spitting image of the evil boyfriend from Wedding Crashers!
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Really? Craig Kilborn is now known as "the evil boyfriend from Wedding Crashers!", that sucks.
If if he's not going to be remembered for The Daily Show (the one Jon Stewart took over), I would at least hope people would remember him from the late night talk show that only HAD HIS NAME IN THE TITLE.
Or not, whatev'.
_______
I don't live in the US. Mos tof that was gibberish to me. My apologies to Greg Gillhorn.
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I lol'd
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-31 08:28:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-03-19 11:08:04 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
Most viewed ever? Doind a b-grade job on an internet 'fake poster' application?
Yeesh.
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I think Digg helped with the hits. Though all those good reviews... Of course, you, the minority are right. We are all wrong. ;)
Seriously, why don't you voice your concerns to bart if you care about Uber so much? I am such if he agrees, he will act apprpriately.
It is just all these whiney, bitchy rants you leave on other peoples posts, well, they are not constructive, are they?
Or, you could join Writing.com. I hear they are very serious and heavily moderated there. No goatse or pointless camgores.
Good day :)
ps The 'it's only 'cos I love Uber so much I'm scared of it's demise' arguement doesn't wash with me, sonny. lol.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-28 11:22:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
abc
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:59:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJ8kMbMpQbo
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:59:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hmmm
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:51:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
or is it 1.8260869565217391304347826086957?
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:49:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
22 reviews counting this one.
20 2's
2 0's
40 points out of a possible 44. rating =1.81818181818181818181818181818181818181818181818182(rounded off)
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:44:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I swear
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:44:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Buddy hacket(sp) had soul
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:44:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is for which uncalled.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:43:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is uncalled for
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:43:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i dream, then I wake. I wake, then I eat. I eat, then I work. I work, then I eat. I eat, then I sleep.
I sleep, then I dream.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:41:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
P
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:41:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
o
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:41:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
O
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:41:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
L
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:41:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
0
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:40:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
l
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:40:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
2-2
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:40:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
clickith
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:40:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah, but the answer lies in the microwave
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:39:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:39:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
7
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:39:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
e
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:39:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
d
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:39:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
f
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:39:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
c
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-28 10:38:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AllyJeans (user info) at 2008-03-27 16:50:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-03-27 10:28:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-03-27 07:28:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would NOT want to take deep breaths concentrated through one nostril while taking a dump.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-03-27 04:45:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i like the idea. i like most of it, but the ending is just a little weak...
Submitted by jared.melton (user info) at 2008-03-27 04:36:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2008-03-27 02:33:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-03-26 23:21:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shit sorry dude
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-03-26 23:19:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the title gives it away
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-03-26 21:57:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a credit to your people.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2008-03-26 20:28:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2008-03-26 19:51:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice ending!
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-03-26 19:10:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's always nice to see writing on Uber.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-03-26 17:37:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-03-26 06:48:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This almost reads like a Black Scabbity Tran (R) episode, except at the end Black Scabbity would have melted back into the shadows, and would've - well, basically melted.
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stop trying to pawn off your crap
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-03-26 16:37:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
it's the first time i spit a beverage on my computer screen reading uber.
roflmuch
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-03-26 16:37:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sowwy
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-03-26 16:12:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha it was a camera all along.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2008-03-26 14:52:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
LOL
I just watched the "Britney's New Look" episode of South Park this morning...
This went perfectly with that.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-03-26 14:42:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
IT'S BRITNEY BITCH
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-03-26 14:38:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
LEAVE BRITTANY ALONE!!!
THIS IS AWESOME. YOU SHOULD WRITE ANOTHER BEST SELLER.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2008-03-26 13:42:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*phew*
Got a few hours? I'll tell you about it.
I'm hanging out in Virginia still. Just taking care of business. It seems to take up more of my time than ever these days. But the good news is I'm about to quit. Or have a nervous breakdown. Either way, it should be a lot of fun right?!
Thank you for asking though Scourge.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-26 13:30:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
where the hell have you been? below
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2008-03-26 13:29:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
matte with the little accent thing over the e.
Fucking britney. What in the hell??
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2008-03-26 12:58:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-03-26 12:55:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was rather good, I especially liked the little twist at the end.
Although, you could have used "he" more often than the full name "Asaga." The repetition was a bit much.
Submitted by i_walk_alone (user info) at 2008-03-26 12:47:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-03-26 12:37:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good
Submitted by rodyarask (user info) at 2008-03-26 11:01:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by celtic1888 (user info) at 2008-03-26 10:26:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-26 10:22:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
not too shabby
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-03-26 10:04:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-03-26 09:36:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bloody brilliant, what an ending! Well worth it :)
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-03-26 09:22:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-03-26 09:03:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahaha
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-03-26 08:04:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-03-26 07:55:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting read and definitely worth the time.
Also: I thought this was going to be a review of the porn comic of the same name. Glad it wasn't.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-26 07:24:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-03-26 06:48:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This almost reads like a Black Scabbity Tran (R) episode, except at the end Black Scabbity would have melted back into the shadows, and would've - well, basically melted.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-03-26 05:04:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey. phallic. This isn't a serious writers forum anymore. stop acting stupid.
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2008-03-26 03:45:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good, interesting