The tale of a drunken 14 year old (658 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -1.2 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by iambetteratit (View user info) at 2008-05-27 00:55:18 EDT
I was fourteen years old. It was eighth grade. One wonderful summer day I was sitting around the house bored as hell when the phone rang. I picked it up, and a buddy of mine Mike was on the line. "Hey man I got something." So I asked what it was, figuring it was something like a Molotov cocktail or some other mischief making device. "Even better" he said "I've got a gallon of vodka" Oh, shit! I was excited. Neither of us had ever been drunk before. We made plans for me to spend the night over at his house because his parents were never there, and he lived back in the woods by the bay. We knew nobody would bother us.
I show up a few hours later, tell my mom thanks for the ride, and the adventure began. It was still day time; we decided to kill a few hours by fishing, and shooting the neighbor kids with paintballs and BB's. When it started to get dark our other friend, Tim showed up to join in the festivities. We put the booze in a backpack and started walking to the store to pick up (By pick up I mean steal.) a pack of cigarettes and a few 20oz bottles of coke. Now, with a secluded house to go back to where we could raise all the hell we wanted, we decided instead to walk over to the local elementary school and sit at one of the picnic tables to drink. The school was closed for summer, and it was almost dark out so we figured we would be ok.
We sat down, and pulled the gigantic bottle of Aristocrat vodka out of the backpack. By the name alone we knew it must be top quality stuff. We started mixing ourselves some drinks and lit up a few smokes. Just after we took our first sip, who pulls into the school lot with lights flashing? That's right, the fuzz. We bolted into the tree line as only frightened kids can. The cop started getting out of his car to chase us. At that moment it dawned on us, "WE FORGOT THE BOOZE" I yelled. Mike turned around and ran to grab the bottle while Tim and I ran further into the woods. After a few hundred feet we stopped to look back. Mike was there and holding the jug like a prize.
We decided to keep running a while until we saw a building on the road to our left. Tim decided that we should hide the bottle in the woods behind the building and come back to get it later. The walk back to mikes house in the dark was a dreary one. We made plans to get the stuff later, and smoked. About a mile from Mike's house a dark colored car pulls up next to us, and rolls down the window. We were about to bolt, figuring we were going to get robbed, or it was and undercover pig, but instead of a homie, or a cop our hippy friend Kenny poked his head out, his blonde white boy dreads wreathed in smoke. We tell him the story of the evening. Kenny tells us his parents are out of town and he's having a few people over to drink, and get high. We decided to get the booze and go to his house. After a few minutes of looking for the backpack, we had our prize and we were on the way.
We pull up in front of a trailer (yes a trailer, he lived two counties away you fuckers) and go inside. I see a few people I know and a few I don't the two I don't know are some kids who graduated the year before. Yup they were cool. Hanging out with 8th graders, getting drunk. We started drinking. It tasted awful. "That's how it's supposed to taste!" Apparently these people were the alcohol experts, so I took their word. After about an hour of sitting on the couch drinking mixed vodka, and coke I stood up to go smoke. That's when it hit me; however I wasn't sure exactly what was hitting me. "My vision is all fucked up" I said. The older kids started laughing and telling me that's what was supposed to happen.
I Smoked, and drank, and turned down the offer of weed. I wasn't into drugs, so I declined, and went into the kid who lived in the house's room. Being a hippy he had all kinds of weird shit in there. The first thing that caught my eye was a full sized suit of knight armor and several random midevel weapons. I asked him about them and we decided to put Mike in the armor, since he was the only one big enough for it to fit. Mike put the armor on and we kept drinking while we all laughed our asses off.
After about an hour mike passed out on the couch wearing the armor, we started getting bored so I went and got all the weapons. "Let's go fuck some shit up!" I decided the night would not be complete without some vandalism. I passed the weapons out and we ran out the door looking for shit to ruin. After a mile or so we were in a quiet neighborhood. "Let's break some car windows!" What a phenomenal idea we had we found a cinder block and threw it through someone's window. We ran off into the night laughing our heads off. Just a few kids hauling ass down the road holding midevel weapons. After a few of these we started back to Kenny's house to go to sleep. On the way we raided someone's truck cooler and found a few more beers to drink. We all passed out on the floor.
The next morning we had to walk the ten miles back to where we lived. I was tough shit now... I had gotten drunk! HOW COOL WAS I?!!
User Reviews
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-05-29 16:39:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
the thing about formatting is... indents don't show unless you upload your formatted file as an attachment, and then you'll get flamed for uploading text as an attachment.
HOWEVER
it is perfectly acceptable to forgo indentation in favor of a line break. So when you get to the end of your paragraph, just hit enter and make the space.
easy peasy.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-05-27 18:11:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just liked this:
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-05-27 00:59:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
reformat old egg, cheers
Submitted by iambetteratit (user info) at 2008-05-27 17:22:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wow thats a nifty trick! look forward to seeing more gems like this.. only next time INDENTED!!!!!
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-05-27 15:51:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The secret? At the end of the line you hit "enter".
See? Nice trick, eh? Watch, I'll do it again...
Amazing.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-05-27 11:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
holy fuck I really hope this is an alter, or a joke, or SOMETHING...
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2008-05-27 11:38:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
holy giant block of text, batman
no fuckin' way i'm reading all that.
Submitted by iambetteratit (user info) at 2008-05-27 11:27:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I tried to indent, but the fuckin thing didn't do it. What's the secret oh wise and wonderful ubers?(said with obvious sarcasm and disdain... you know incase you can't tell)
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2008-05-27 03:50:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This would of been a +2 if it was told from the second person by the Man who raped and killed you.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-05-27 03:30:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
well, I pretty much going to assume this is horrible based on the title.
Submitted by Bushy (user info) at 2008-05-27 02:35:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-05-27 02:20:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Pulling a Uniter (-2)
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-05-27 02:20:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I've seen better (-1)
Submitted by Aussie_em (user info) at 2008-05-27 02:12:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i can see your too cool for paragraphs.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-05-27 01:44:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you are winner
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2008-05-27 01:15:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OMG this one time i was making a portobello burger but a series of random shenanigans led me to the discovery that vegetarianism doesn't mean that substitutes are easy but i ate it anyway and i topped it off with a freshly tossed Your Mom Salad and OMG it was delicious no need for BBQ and I have never written a retarded story about WHEN I WAS fourteen and you just lost the game.
Submitted by iambetteratit (user info) at 2008-05-27 01:02:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dammit I even took the time to make sure i indented and the fuckin thing didnt do it
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-05-27 00:59:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
reformat old egg, cheers