Boobies: Nature's drinking fountain (26747 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.75 on 126 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by comicbookguy (View user info) at 2008-05-28 22:03:25 EDT
One of my balls is bigger than the other.
It's a minor difference, almost negligible really since it did take me 24 years to determine this phenomenon. It's funny I didn't notice earlier because I touch my balls ALL the time. So I'm feeling my balls yesterday and the right one feels just a little bit bigger than the left. The weird thing is that I felt them again today and the left one now feels bigger than the right. The only conclusion to this occurrence is that my balls are involved in some sort of arms race to determine which one can carry more "ammunition."
But I digress.
I was in Barcelona recently to visit a couple of friends and to take a much needed break from the daily grind. My flight was at 6pm but I arrived at the airport by 2pm because I didn't want no trouble. I am brown, with menacing eyebrows, and I look like I can put together a bomb. The fact of the matter is, I poke myself in the eye trying to hammer in a nail. Plus, my passport picture is terrible. They don't let you smile, and for some stupid ass reason, I decided not to shave for a few days, so I do in fact look like I will jihad on your ass any given moment. But anyways, this is the world we live in and I didn't want any shit. Luckily, I got through security really easily.
My friends lived a few hours outside of Barcelona so we were all staying in a hostel which was located right in the center of the city. First of all, Barcelona is amazing. It has architecture, a beach, and some of the finest ass I have ever seen. I literally had a boner the entire time. All the blood was in my penis and the combination of this plus the hot spanish sun made me pass out all the time.
We spent most of the day relaxing at the beach. The beach was full of Indian guys with thick accents trying to sell you drinks. The big sales pitch was (in indian accent): "fanta, coca cola, cerveza, beer...fanta coca cola, cerveza, beer." Every so often, they would throw in "or some smoke hash."
After a day at the beach and some delicious paella for dinner (which is like a party in your mouth and everyone's invited), we would go back to the hostel for happy hour at the hostel bar. 2 pints of beer for 3 Euros. Best deal ever.
It was during this time that you could meet other people staying at the hostel which included people from all over North America, Europe and South America.
One particular night we were all getting shitfaced playing various drinking games. As usual, I kept getting fucked over because I suck at drinking games. At the end of one, I had to drink the community cup which consisted of beer, vodka/cranberry, jack and coke, and sangria. It was like Satan pissed in my throat.
I ran to the bathroom, puked for 10 minutes, brushed my teeth and ate some gum and I was good to get the night started.
I was still pretty hammered when we got the bar/club. They were blaring hip hop and as you all know, I'm as G as can be, so I started to "boogie down" as the kids say.
We were all drunk dancing for a while when my spanish friend, who speaks limited english, tapped me on the shoulder. If you don't know what a Spanish accent sounds like, just picture a more sophisticated Mexican accent.
"yo comic...I want to dance with that girl." He pointed.
I looked to where he was pointing.
"Daaaamn" I said like I was a contestant on Pimp my Ride. On a side note, what a stupid ass show.
"yo, we put a fish tank in yo steering wheel! Daaaamn!"
The girl he was pointing at was smoking. "yo Pablo, that girl is fine as a motherfucker" I said.
"Que?" he said.
"She is attractive."
"Si, she is...I want to have sex with her."
"Pablo...what did I teach you?"
"Oh yes...umm...I want to tear that puta up?"
I nodded in approval.
"But...what of her friend?" he said.
"What friend?"
I looked over at the hot girl who had now moved to the dance floor. Accompanying her was the bane of every man's existence, the king of the cock block, the legend herself, the big fat friend.
I looked Pablo right in the eye. "Pablo, what I am about to do for you is a sacrificial act of brotherhood. I will be your wingman."
"Like in futbol?"
"Yes...and I will help you score."
He looked at me. "Score means sex right?"
"Yes."
He clasped my shoulder. "You are a good friend. I will think of you doing when I am doing la penetrada"
"No...don't do that" I said.
"Are you sure you do not want to...how they say, 'roast the pig'"?
"That's very flattering, but no."
We both looked over at the girls. I breathed in deeply. It was time to take one for the team.
We went up to the girls and did the usual song and dance routine. They were horny Texans and they were ready to party. Lucky for Pablo, extremely unlucky for me. This girl ate all of my lucky charms. She probably ate the leprechauns too.
Pablo started grinding on the hot girl and I was forced to do the same with her friend. The fat girl (Donna) was really into it. It was like dancing with a rising loaf of bread that hadn't baked correctly. Her rack was massive. I'm not gonna lie though, for a fat chick, her tits looked surprisingly firm and shapely. I wanted to sleep on them. I was feeling really drunk.
While we were dancing, she asked me what my background was and I did the same. She said she was adopted and asked me "if I wanted to be her daddy."
Not ten minutes had passed by when she leaned in and whispered to me "you like my gut?...there's some good pussy under this gut."
"Uh yes...yes I do."
"Come on" she grabbed my hand. Let's get out of here.
I gulped.
I looked over at Pablo who looked like he was in heaven. He saw that Donna was holding my hand and looked up at me, his eyes begging me to do the unthinkable.
I thought to myself "fuck it, you only live once. I'll double bag my dick, hit it and get out."
We got back to the hostel and she shoved me into the laundry room. She started kissing me which was like a cow licking my face. A lot of drool my friends. A lot of drool.
She then proceeded to LIFT ME UP by my waist and toss me on the dryer. I am 6'2 and 190 lbs.
She started slowly dancing and stripping off her clothes, while humming the tune to "like a virgin" by Madonna.
My penis actually retreated into my balls. But, I was determined to make the best of situation so while she did her sick fat person dance, I started thinking of evangeline lilly from "Lost". Not 10 seconds had passed by and I was super hard. Donna saw the tent in my pants and ripped off my jeans and boxers.
"oooooh someone likes my dance" she said.
She took off her dress and panties. Her calves were more like cows. Someone had stolen her thighs and replaced them with giant glazed hams.
She then took her off her shirt and bra and stood there before me, a naked behemoth of biblical proportions.
Thoughts of Evangeline Lilly made my boner unwavering. Like a one eyed salute to my favourite actress.
I reached into my jeans and pulled out two condoms.
"Why do the two condoms?" she said through baited breath.
"Herpes?" I said.
She sat on top of me. Her weight was CRUSHING my legs. I penetrated her. It felt...not that bad.
She started grinding her hips while her boobies slapped together. The noise was deafening. Try clapping as hard as you can. It was ten times as loud as that.
After five minutes my legs felt numb but my boner remained. She grabbed my face and shoved them into her tits...they were like giant marshmallows.
"Oh yea! Oh fuck yea! Right there, right there" she screamed.
All of a sudden, I felt this burning in my eye as a stream of liquid hit me in the face.
"What the FUCK?" I yelled out.
I kid you not, bitch was lactating. She lactated right in my eye. It then dribbled from my eye, rolled down my face, and touched my lip. It tasted...not bad.
In reaction to the lactation attack, I instinctively pushed her and she fell off my lap and off the dryer and landed with a thud on her back. It was a good four foot fall.
She started screaming and squirming on her back like a beached whale. The fucked up part was that she was STILL lactating. It was like a stream, right up in the fucking air, and only out of the right breast.
I pulled off the condoms, pulled up my pants, and ran the hell out of there.
I was not ten feet from the door when I ran back. I had to do it.
"Got milk?" said.
It was the right thing to do.
In other news, Pablo never closed the deal that night. Fucking spicks.
User Reviews
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2008-12-12 11:48:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a good man for doing that.
A good wingman is worth his weight in gold.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-11-08 20:43:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
comic
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-09-12 15:57:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahahahahahahahaa!!! Funny as hell!! I ellowelled several times while reading it, which caused several coworkers to pass by and give me strange looks.
Points!!
Submitted by ralphyboy (user info) at 2008-09-12 15:47:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Third time I read this story, get a new one!
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2008-09-12 15:30:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fastastic, as per the usual.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2008-08-05 20:09:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yay!
Submitted by English_Master (user info) at 2008-07-29 03:05:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THIS is the type of "true story" I LIKE to find on here!
You get the "Wingman of the Year" award for THAT self-sacrifice, writer!
Oh, and Evangeline Lilly...? ...NOT that hot, man.
It may seem cliche, but I'd have to go with the likes of Angelina Jolie, Pamela Anderson (pre-Tommy-Lee-wrecking-that-shit), and Angel Lola Luv.
Submitted by Majik_Marker (user info) at 2008-06-16 20:33:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahahaha! You 'took one for the team" and Pablo didn't even screw the hot chick! LOL... you got balls buddy. +2 for it.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-06-16 20:14:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You and me, nigga. B@W for life.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-06-16 19:37:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Grats on B@W
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2008-06-13 11:04:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha, well deserved B@W
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-06-10 17:54:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats B@W
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2008-06-10 15:21:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
embellishment
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2008-06-10 14:27:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder if you added the Chris Rock line in for comedic embellishment or if she actually said it. I guess it's +2 either way, although it would be awesome if she actually said it. Also, this post has inspired me to post my own pseudo-wingman story. So, yeah.
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2008-06-09 20:43:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
first couple of lines worth +2 alone
Submitted by esceptico (user info) at 2008-06-09 18:57:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
absolutely great
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2008-06-02 10:44:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking awesome
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-06-02 01:18:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"you like my gut?...there's some good pussy under this gut."
Chris Rock used that line a long time ago.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2008-06-02 01:00:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:06:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nothing's impossible, if you put your mind to it, Toots.
Or, you could put your mouth to my knob and all of your dreams will come true.
______
You know, I was just thinking how that's EXACTLY the thing that would make me happiest in life...
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2008-06-01 19:27:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Tracer0351 (user info) at 2008-05-31 15:31:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
could have been a +2 if youd posted pics.
on a totaly unrelated note, Pablo needs his ass kicked.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-05-31 13:19:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2008-05-31 11:40:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good to see/read you man. Long time.
anyway on this part:
"Plus, my passport picture is terrible. They don't let you smile, and for some stupid ass reason, I decided not to shave for a few days, so I do in fact look like I will jihad on your ass any given moment. But anyways, this is the world we live in and I didn't want any shit."
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I was in L.A. airport and they're doing standard security bullshit... frisking, metal detector over my knob etc. then this part I had not had done before; "Undo and open your belt."
I cooperate and they grunt something and give tacit appoval that I'm not concealing anything. Then she/they just.. walk.. away... Well fuck, do I do my belt back up? Do I undress further? Maybe I should just walk around bare ass until my flight leaves! jesus, you know, it wouldn't kill them to clarify a bit or give some audible signal that the search is like over.
In any case, great story; I agree with the other uberites; it would be great to see and read great posts like this more often. nice work.
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2008-05-31 03:06:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought you were dead. I'm glad to see you are not.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-05-30 21:11:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for the congrats, you fucking pull start. All Arab womens lactate tastes like curry and arm pits.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2008-05-30 20:53:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD
Submitted by AllyJeans (user info) at 2008-05-30 19:16:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't believe any of this.
Still liked it, though.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:50:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2008-05-29 14:43:19 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i was giving him congrats for his marriage
yes, the lakers will clinch tonight
celts looked terrible in the fourth yesterday, chalk up another LA championship by end of june
=====
Another reason to +2.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:06:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nothing's impossible, if you put your mind to it, Toots.
Or, you could put your mouth to my knob and all of your dreams will come true.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2008-05-30 14:42:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
it's impossible to not +2 your posts...
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-05-30 11:40:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fat chicks - urrrrrrggghhhh.
Can't turn down easy pussy though!
Well done.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2008-05-30 10:33:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"you like my gut?...there's some good pussy under this gut."
_____________
Wow, just wow. That must be the female equivalent to "Hey, nice tits wanna fuck?"
Then again, sounds like it worked for her.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2008-05-30 08:22:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
CBG, the man, the myth, the legend.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-05-30 07:49:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How did I miss this?
I bow down and worship sir. Nice to see you still kicking about.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2008-05-30 07:00:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking Brilliant
+2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-05-30 03:41:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is a plus 2, consarnit. See how easy that is, you fumble-fingered fucks? I've never seen a post with so many accidental ratings.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2008-05-30 03:38:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just.... beautiful...
This is Romeo & Juliette for modern times.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2008-05-30 00:04:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-05-29 22:55:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely done!
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-05-29 20:00:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Forgot to +2
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-05-29 19:59:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-05-28 23:02:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Corny
---------------------
You know, before now, I disliked this ... person. CBG has given me some of the hardest laughs I've ever had. Sometimes I actually rofl'd in real life. Genuinely. If this person dislikes CBG's posts, he hates humanity and must die. He's an annoying dumb fuck with a name that he probably thinks is clever but in reality sucks many asses, one after the other. He must be a Pod Person sent to infiltrate human society to lower our morale and make us susceptible to invasion. Lynch him!
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2008-05-29 19:42:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
pop on when the game starts
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-05-29 18:40:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
aaaaahahhhahahahhahaahahahahaaaaahahahahahahaaahaha....ahahaa...ahaha...
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2008-05-29 18:11:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2008-05-29 17:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
his marriage? hahahaha..has it been that long? pop on aim
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2008-05-29 17:43:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i was giving him congrats for his marriage
yes, the lakers will clinch tonight
celts looked terrible in the fourth yesterday, chalk up another LA championship by end of june
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2008-05-29 17:30:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why are you giving that douche congrats, when clearly, all NBA related props should be directed at me?
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2008-05-29 16:30:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
long time no speak fat ass
i dunno if you saw my review on your last post, but i'll say it again: congratulations
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-05-29 16:26:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shennanigans. It was a man and he was blowing his load in your eye. Are you sure you weren't fucking Kobe carrying the Rapers to another game?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-05-29 15:22:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hilarious.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-05-29 15:19:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i just lit up a cigarette and nodded in agreement.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2008-05-29 15:15:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
thx cbg
Submitted by cuberat (user info) at 2008-05-29 15:02:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-05-29 12:58:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Are they truly of different size?
You're not just making an assumption that one has greater size (i.e. mass) because they they hang differently?
A common mistake.
just saying...
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-05-29 12:53:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Spain is cool good fun!
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-05-29 12:48:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ungh.
Submitted by HerrSchniedelwichs (user info) at 2008-05-29 12:11:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are a good friend. I will think of you doing when I am doing la penetrada
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-05-29 11:54:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by JustAnotherStudent (user info) at 2008-05-29 11:50:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They were blaring hip hop and as you all know, I'm as G as can be, so I started to "boogie down" as the kids say.
That one line made me laugh like a retard. As a fat chick, I should be auto -2ing you, but screw it.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-05-29 10:53:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your spanish trip sounds better than mine. Almost.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2008-05-29 10:40:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2008-05-29 04:46:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
out of ideas, eh?
----------
yes
and fuck brent barry, NO FOUL
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2008-05-29 10:38:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This post was like the syrup nugget in a mcgriddle.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-29 10:13:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you didn't look like a terrorist, I'd probably like you.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-05-29 10:04:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ubmitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2008-05-29 07:36:28 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 alone for calling it "fotbol" and not "soccer" like I'm sure Jamie-poo calls it
I AM FUCKING OUTRAGED.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2008-05-29 09:42:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck Yeah! 2 years on Hiatus and you've still got it.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-05-29 09:34:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The local radio station is trying to contact this chick who apparently has seven nipples.
Seven. Three sets of two, and then a rogue one. Apparently four of them lactate.
Further bulletins as details warrant.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-05-29 09:23:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking awsome.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-05-29 03:14:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cocks on fucking pink unicorns
on an unrelated note I wrote a story involving a unicorn in a donkey show. his ejaculate was rainbow colored.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-05-29 08:47:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-05-29 07:43:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-05-29 02:58:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i wish i could say "i will jihad on your ass"
but being white as a sheet, it lacks a certain something...
--------------------
Richard Reid, John Walker Lindh, etc beg to differ.
-------------
they have black hair (or is it just dirty).
i make casper look like a jamaican
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-05-29 08:43:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GOLD!!!
comicbookguy?
did someone leave the wayback machine on again?
A comicbookguy post and reviews from Ducky, Centaur, Pentameter, kgbpasha.
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2008-05-29 08:36:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 alone for calling it "fotbol" and not "soccer" like I'm sure Jamie-poo calls it
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-05-29 07:51:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One of my balls is bigger than the other.
after that, how could I not +2 this?
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-05-29 07:43:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-05-29 02:58:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i wish i could say "i will jihad on your ass"
but being white as a sheet, it lacks a certain something...
--------------------
Richard Reid, John Walker Lindh, etc beg to differ.
CBG, this made my morning.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2008-05-29 07:41:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BOOYA
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2008-05-29 07:40:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-05-29 07:33:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well fucking done. I particularly enjoyed the Pimp My Ride bit. Donkey has a crush on Xhibit, by the way.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-05-29 07:13:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It tasted...not bad.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-05-29 07:04:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
CBG!
Submitted by centaur (user info) at 2008-05-29 04:49:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-29 04:40:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Besides, there are far more intimate changes I could mention.
---------
We'll leave it here I think!
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2008-05-29 04:46:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
out of ideas, eh?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-29 04:40:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
lol. I feel I am entitled to talk about them, they are attached to me and frankly, I have earned the right.
More appropriate is to say 'everyone who is not actually, physically lactating, please refrain from discussing it'.
Ok? I knew you'd see sense. Don't disagree now, my hormone are all over they shop and I am liable to stab you - whilst crying.
Besides, there are far more intimate changes I could mention.
Submitted by centaur (user info) at 2008-05-29 04:36:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-29 04:33:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
But I am pregnant, I can't help but leak a little. As I type, my arms rub my swollen boobies, which didn't really need to be anymore swollen in the first place. :(
-----------
Ah, see now I didn't say 'could everyone stop lactating'
I said 'could everyone stop telling everyone about their lactating tits' (or words to that effect).
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-29 04:33:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
But I am pregnant, I can't help but leak a little. As I type, my arms rub my swollen boobies, which didn't really need to be anymore swollen in the first place. :(
Submitted by centaur (user info) at 2008-05-29 04:30:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-29 04:19:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm lactating as I type.
Deal with it.
------------
I said STOP
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-29 04:19:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm lactating as I type.
Deal with it.
Submitted by centaur (user info) at 2008-05-29 03:54:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
First of all, Barcelona is amazing. It has architecture, a beach, and some of the finest ass I have ever seen
--------------
This is NOT a secret!? You announced it like it was some kind of fucking relevation.
COULD EVERYONE STOP WITH THE MILKY TITS STORIES NOW?
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-29 03:23:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck yeah.
Shameless related linkwhore: http://www.ubersite.com/m/116741
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-05-29 03:15:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
aaaand I'm spent.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-05-29 03:14:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cocks on fucking pink unicorns
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-05-29 03:14:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
for you
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-05-29 03:14:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is a plus two
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-05-29 03:14:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
woo wooo woo
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-05-29 03:13:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm gonna blame that one on the scroll doohickey
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-05-29 03:13:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what is wrong with me
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-05-29 02:58:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i wish i could say "i will jihad on your ass"
but being white as a sheet, it lacks a certain something...
you sir, should put your shit into book form.
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2008-05-29 02:23:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"yo, we put a fish tank in yo steering wheel! Daaaamn!"
----
CBG FTW!!
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2008-05-29 01:11:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-05-29 00:44:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-05-29 00:42:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh. I've hooked up with a fat guy before, wasn't too bad, although you have to spread your legs wider and really focus on body placement. -end overshare.
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-05-29 00:09:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-05-28 23:12:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-05-28 23:02:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Corny
____
If you don't like this then you don't like Uber you dumb FUCK.
--------------
K
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-05-29 00:07:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2008-05-29 00:03:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know what part of a man I like best? And I'm not kidding about this...the penis.
=================================
Lisa, two or three years ago at the Michigan Ubercon I saw you checking me out. You were wearing brown pants and a baseball cap, if I recall. Anyway I don't remember you EVER looking at my bulbous crotch area. Liar.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2008-05-29 00:03:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know what part of a man I like best? And I'm not kidding about this...the penis.
Submitted by PommyTom (user info) at 2008-05-28 23:48:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. More CBG.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-28 23:44:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-28 15:37:42 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
should post today below
scratch that.
should post EVERY DAY below
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2008-05-28 15:20:28 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yea motherfucker
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:)
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-28 23:40:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YAY!
:)
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2008-05-28 23:39:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes. yes.
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2008-05-28 23:34:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The same thing happened to me.
Except for it was in Bakersfield.
And the dance club was a gas station.
And the hostel was a tent in the desert.
The fat cow could have been the same though.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-05-28 23:24:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my first lac attack was down in boystown in nuevo laredo
six feet across the table
warm and a little sweet
i got my first golden shower in the surf off punta mita
my first anal was with a spaniard in cannes
my asshole was first tongued in the states, but she was of mexican descent
my first threeway was 66% latina
i dig it
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-05-28 23:18:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She started kissing me which was like a cow licking my face. A lot of drool my friends. A lot of drool.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2008-05-28 23:17:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this thread is worthless w/o pics
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-05-28 23:13:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
la penetrada
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-05-28 23:12:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-05-28 23:02:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Corny
____
If you don't like this then you don't like Uber you dumb FUCK.
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-05-28 23:02:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Corny
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2008-05-28 22:48:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Does he still have it?
Yes, kids. Yes he does. He still has it.
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-05-28 22:45:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
la penetrada la penetrada
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-05-28 22:45:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus Christ, there have to be fifty awesome lines in this one post.
We don't often see such serious writing in this forum.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-05-28 22:42:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haven't read it yet
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-05-28 22:41:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YES
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-05-28 22:38:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The more i think about this...
Are you sure you weren't fucking a cow?
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-05-28 22:36:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
See, I don't have the same problem you have. I can fuck fat chicks and not whine about it. I still go by the points system, but you have to make it home for the points to count, and I'm going for the high score.
Lactation was god's gift to you for being a wingman.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2008-05-28 22:27:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice to see you're still posting.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-05-28 22:23:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There are many things awesome in this post.
He clasped my shoulder. "You are a good friend. I will think of you doing when I am doing la penetrada"
"No...don't do that" I said.
That's just one of them.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-05-28 22:17:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Poor Pablo :(
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2008-05-28 22:14:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-05-28 22:05:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HOLY FUCKING CBG POST MAKING MY DAY!
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-05-28 22:09:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
rating the user...now i'll read it.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-05-28 22:09:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahhaha
:D
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-05-28 22:05:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HOLY FUCKING CBG POST MAKING MY DAY!