Espionage (528 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.72 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by 8 bit hero (View user info) at 2008-05-29 08:03:08 EDT
As I was perched atop the porcelain throne, I had an epiphany. A thought so profound, it could very well change history as we know it. An Earth shattering idea.
Prior to my trek to release bowel pressure, I had received yet another email from a relative I do not associate with. How this person even came up with my email address is a mystery in itself. See, most of my family is God fearing, conservative, and racist. Oh, so racist. It actually boggles the mind how a group of people that live in an area of mostly white, Irish Catholics can hate people they have never known.
But I digress.
The email contained a scathing retort about Barack Obama. It was all "Muslim" this and "Islam" that. Really, just your typical post-9/11 fear mongering.
Then I read something that stirred the little hamster in my brain from his slumber and set him about his wheel.
"Muslims don't believe in Jesus Christ."
Simply put, this is not true. They do believe in Jesus Christ. To the Muslim, JC was one of their many prophets of Muhammad. They believe that when Jesus does return to Earth, he will have an army of a million men to conquer the infidels.
Again, I digress.
The whole point is, this email got me thinking about Jesus.
More than one religion believes that Jesus walked the Earth. Specifically, three - Christians, Muslims, and Jews. While their accounts about the man vary, they all acknowledge his influence on the world around us.
But what if good ol' Christ pulled a Keyser Soze on our asses?
See, if you believe in the battle of good and evil, then you know Satan is the Father of Lies. Old Scratch may very well have pulled a preemptive strike against God and humanity. See, what if Jesus was really the son of Beelzebub? What if all this talk of the antichrist was just the Devil pulling a fast one?
It would make sense to win the war for souls with subversion. Send in a secret agent disguised as divine to usurp God's plan to send his agent later. Tell everybody of the horrors that will happen if they follow this future "false prophet". After all, the antichrist is described as a charismatic leader that people will wish to follow and worship. Tell the people that if they follow this next one, they are doomed for eternity. If I were running a war, I'd use propaganda and misdirection as well.
Now, Satan has the vast majority of the humans believing exactly what he said. When the true Son of God appears, people will mistrust him, like "Jesus" told them to and Satan will have his little army of followers at his beck and call.
Evil triumphs.
What do you think?
User Reviews
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2008-05-30 03:13:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Jesus loves everyone....
Except you. He told me he hates you and will punch you in the crotch before sending you to hell when you die.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-05-29 20:02:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
the jews don't really put much stock in jesus christ.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-05-29 19:46:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This occurred to people many, many years ago. Try again, loser.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-05-29 14:19:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I got as far as, "To the Muslim, JC was one of their many prophets of Muhammad." What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-05-29 12:58:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I actually had nearly the EXACT SAME IDEA but there was no movement of the bowels involved.
Well, my idea involved Loki (the god not the poster) pulling a fast one on the monotheists to cause endless civil war for his entertainment purposes. If I ever finish the book I'm on, I'll write that one.
And the American Christians who so claim to love this country will probably burn every copy they can get their hands on. Which is, frankly, cool with me; as long as they pay full cover price for each copy.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-05-29 09:19:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I followed you.
someone posted a story to this effect once.
i dont know it.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-05-29 08:59:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
i think i wasted my time reading this but i digress
Submitted by centaur (user info) at 2008-05-29 08:48:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am a watcher.
Submitted by CarterPFly (user info) at 2008-05-29 08:44:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what?
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-05-29 08:29:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Pits, man, the pits.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2008-05-29 08:22:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
zzzzz....