The most important word in the English language: (1406 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.52 on 50 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by iddqd (View user info) at 2008-06-04 01:30:35 EDT
Is, I told my friend as he asked me to buy him yet another beer, obviously, 'No'.
Quite simply it involves more power and more intent than anything else. 'Yes', is merely acceding to someone else's will, someopne else's action or power. It involves nothing but rolling over and allowing another entity to do what they like. It also sets a precedent for future surrenders, as once something is allowed, how can it become un-allowed?
He merely watched some mexicans on the television flickering above grind each other to bloody, grisly pulps, trading punch after relentless, tireless, merciless punch.
Think about it, I continued. Little kids, for example. Little babies are fine - sure they cry, but it's crying about need. They cry 'cos they're hungry. They cry 'cos they're cold. They cry because they're tired. The transaction is simple: work out what the sound is signifying, and satisfy the desire.
But once they hit like two years of age, they start turning into really annoying little pieces of crap.Their giant little brains start putting together all these sounds into meaning. And they learn the word 'No'. No, no, no, no, no, is all they say. They don't even really know or understand it, they just know it gives them a taste of something they've never had before - power. They can say 'No', and all these giant people around them have to stop and listen and do what they say.
He winced with a slight intake of breath as one of the mexicans re-re-re-opened up a cut on the brow of the other with a stinging left.
I continued. So, as i said, 'No' is the most important, the most significant word in the English language. As such, it offers us, as students of said language, lessons we cannot afford to ignore. One of these lessons, is the aforementioned matter of 'precedent'. Now, for example, if i were to merely roll over and accede to your continued requests for beer at my expense, it would set a precedent that would result in both of us - not just you - broke, drunk, and probably destitute alcoholics, our lives in tatters, our futures ruined, our bodies diseased and our life-spans greatly shortened, which itself would probably be a blessing, given our lives would merely be an unended dirge of misery, and not in the buddhist sense. 'No' saves us from all of that.
He looked at me briefly and got up as the bell sounded on the television, and walked off to the toilet.
I sipped my almost empty beer. A bell sounded again.
He returned.
- I disagree, he said. I arched my brow, intrigued.
- 'Fuck' is the most important word in the English language. It has the most variance in meaning, possibly conveying any sort of meaning, purely based upon simply the way in which it is written or spoken. In whatever context it is used, it can assume a meaning which can say a near infinite number of things. It can even become a phatic filler in words, to extend the meaning of a word or phrase, like "unbe-fucking-lieveably tight-arsed". It can be the diffence between glorious success or cataclysmic failure - for example the words spoken to you by some girl: "Fuck you" or "Fuck me" the same word in each case each meaning a completely different thing.
The televison was a mess of blood and flying gloved fists.
- It can even convey hidden menace or threat in a way that few, if any other words can, merely by being dropped into an otherwise innocuous sentence.
- For example: "Buy me a fucking beer." He said as he cradled his dry glass in his fist like a dagger-to-be.
A mexican held his hands up barely above his head as I went to the bar.
User Reviews
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-06-14 13:58:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
lol @ spite -2's.
youre an impotent little man, advertising peon.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-06-13 21:26:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Cunt is a great word.
Submitted by stone8946 (user info) at 2008-06-06 04:20:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2008-06-05 15:26:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
My first word was "No".
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2008-06-05 15:01:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought for sure when he told you to buy another FUCKing beer, you'd say NO.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-06-05 07:33:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FTW. Uber down to the ground.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-06-05 00:45:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-06-04 02:15:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not sure how much of this was a pure literary exercise but I couldn't help noticing a distaste for (or perhaps just ambivalence towards) Mexican boxing.
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au contraire, bonjour.
i find any sport to be fascinating windows into the human spirit. Im sorry i didnt manage to convey it in the story, but i have a tremendous amount of regard for the mexicans i was watching just the other day in the pub whilst waiting around for the tart to finish work.
for similar reasons i have a huge amount of respect for lleyton heweitt. yeah hes a toolbag. an ugly greasy, obnoxious toolbag, but he got to #1 in the world at his sport, and stayed there (unlike rafter) for close to 2 years not because he was just superhumanly better than everyone else, like federer. in fact he was arguably less talented than any of the top 10 at that time. he won, and kept winning and got to the top because he *wanted to* more than anyone else. he ran and ran and ran and ran and chased every ball and won through sheer force of will. whatever he may be like as a person, i think that everyone who ever saw him play in his peak should have a huge amount of respect for him as a sportsman. he (like many other exapmles) epitomises the triumph of mind over matter.
on another note, i need people to watch the nba finals with, my current circle of friends dont know shit about basketball, and ive lost the numbers of all the guys i used to play bball with.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-06-04 17:38:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Okey-dokee...
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2008-06-04 16:10:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 good post
+1 because I'd never heard of phatic filler and would've (probably incorrectly) called this tmesis.
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+2
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-06-04 15:24:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love conversations like this. Written well, too. Congratulations.
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2008-06-04 15:04:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2008-06-04 13:53:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Uber
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-06-04 12:27:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-06-04 12:23:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed this.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-06-04 12:10:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I was all set to +2 this for not choosing "fuck," which has been done ad nauseum. Then your friend came back from the bathroom.
Submitted by Off_The_Wagon (user info) at 2008-06-04 11:43:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-06-04 11:35:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-06-04 11:24:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I prefer the theory that 'love' is the most important word
_____________
Awww, he's a romantic!
See Also: pussy.
JUST KIDDING PLEASE KEEP WRITING.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-06-04 11:34:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-06-04 16:24:24 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
I prefer the theory that 'love' is the most important word
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:) what I thought when I rated this morning
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-06-04 11:24:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I prefer the theory that 'love' is the most important word
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-06-04 11:23:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well done.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-06-04 10:55:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-06-04 10:40:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was awesome. I like the way you think sometimes.
Submitted by theBarron (user info) at 2008-06-04 10:13:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THAT'S WHAT YOUR MUM SAID, DIDN'T STOP ME RAPING HER THOUGH!
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-06-04 10:04:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-06-04 09:41:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm too lazy to
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-04 09:17:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You need to fucking post more.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-06-04 07:36:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
original take on a very un-original skit.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-06-04 06:39:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2008-06-04 05:52:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by centaur (user info) at 2008-06-04 04:43:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-06-04 04:19:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-06-04 04:18:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Then Michael sold out, just a little.
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-06-04 04:17:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Ok, maybe a -1.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-06-04 04:15:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-06-04 04:07:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Compelling.
____
This was a minus 2 job? Seriously? COmpared to all the "my boyfren dumped me", "hao du i deleet posts??", "i got drnuk lol!" this was a minus 2 job? The worst possible rating?
Man.
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-06-04 04:07:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Compelling.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-06-04 03:15:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was SURE that the entirely of this post was going to be the word "Cunt."
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-06-04 02:30:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dunno Phallic old chum. That review makes you sound more indescribably gay than anything.
OMG TWO MEN GONNA BEAT EACH OTHER AND EXHIBIT THE WILL OF SAVAGERY FTW!
*fwap fwap fwap fwap.*
Sorry. It's 2:00 a.m. here. I have been trying to learn the finer points of Dreamweaver for a solid 12 hours today, and it's making me 1) stupid, 2) stupid and 3) stupid. You're probably not gay. In fact, I think I've seen you with a lot of tail in some of your camwhores.
Then again that's no big deal because Aussie chicks are easy. The first one I ever met I wound up humping like a dog on a fire hydrant.
Anyway, you're going to be a lawyer so I have no respect for you, unless Australian lawyers are more along the lines of what American lawyers USED to be. USED to be they were respected scholars, statesmen, and humanitarians. In the me age, however, they've become the scourge of the USA, IMHO.
Goodnight and good luck.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-06-04 02:16:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Look at that essay of a review! Can you tell it's exam time and i haven't had a drink in 5 days?
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-06-04 02:15:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not sure how much of this was a pure literary exercise but I couldn't help noticing a distaste for (or perhaps just ambivalence towards) Mexican boxing. I know this is tangential to the linguistic discussion you wanted to start up but I feel it is a good opportunity to turn you towards one of my formative pieces of media.
I am referring to the first 2 major fights between boxers Rafael Marquez and Israel Vazquez. Some modern commentators need little incentive to fly into a vitriolic rant about the savage anachronism of bloodsport. They see it as nothing more than two jungle apes beating each other in front of a hormone fuelled menagerie of screeching chimps.
At the other end of the spectrum is the perception of such sports (boxing/kickbocing/MMA) as a pure representation of the masculine ideal to self improvement. What more Earthly, visceral and simple way is there for a man to test himself? How better can a man probe his own limits that by putting himself face to face with another man for the purposes of athletic violence? How better can you know your own body than by pushing it as far as it needs to go?
Now, obviously I lean towards the latter interpretation. It is inarguably idealistic and ignores the base thuggery that will inevitably pervade sports of this type. However, I firmly believe in these two bouts (Marquez-Vazquez I and II) you see the best possible aspect of male character.
I think you see the brute strength of belief. The idea that the body could be run through a combine harvester and it would only be a defect of the will that would result in death. Quite honestly, I believe you see one way in which a man can be his absolute best.
Note, however, that I am not trying to devalue concepts such as compassion, fatherhood and passiveness. They have their place. But two men willingly stepping into a ring with the full knowledge that their face will break long before thier spirit is, to me, something that is almost indescribably powerful.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-06-04 01:58:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG SHE LEIK TOOOOOTALLY MADE A COMEBACK ALTHOUGH I DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS DIRECTED AT ME OR YOU. I THINK IT WAS YOU SINCE I, SADLY, HAVE NOT ACTUALLY HAD NOOKIE IN A COUPLE OF YEARS.
SIGH. THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN ONE BECOMES DIVORCED AND OLD. NOOKIE DRIES THE FUCK UP.
BUT IT'S ALL COOL I'M NOT NEALY AS HORNY AS I USED TO BE AND WHEN I WAS HORNY I GOT MORE THAN MY SHARE OF THE OLD CLAMSHELL, IF YA KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' NUDGE NUDGE WINK WINK.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-06-04 01:54:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i prefer cuter meat. so it works out!
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-06-04 01:49:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG OUCH THAT HURTS LIKE HELL BUT I AM AN OLD MAN SO I HAVE TO GO FOR OLD LADY POON WHEN I HUNT AND AS FAR AS OLD LADY POON GOES, EXPERIMA'S IS PROBABLY ABOUT AS GOOD AS IT'S GOING TO GET.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-06-04 01:48:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
anyway, im out. had a spare 10 minutes at uni, and wrote this. now im off home to write another 7000.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-06-04 01:48:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i kill me.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-06-04 01:47:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i prefer, shall we say, 'fresher' meat...
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-06-04 01:46:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU SEE? THE INTERNET BLONDE EXPERIMA HAS USED TWO OF THE MOST POWERFUL WORDS IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE; FUCK, AND YES.
I INSTANTLY EJACULATED, AND IF YOU SAY YOU DID ANYTHING LESS YOU, MY FRIEND, ARE A GODDAMNED LIAR AND I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-06-04 01:45:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the point of the post is a philosophical discussion of the nature of language, using a pub conversation as its conceit and a fight on the television as is allegory. the words chosen are pretty much meaningless and arbitrary, and serve merely the purpose for people to consider the language they use and how it uses them.
/lecture.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-06-04 01:43:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...MURDERED BY *THEIR* SPOUSE...
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-06-04 01:43:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AS I'VE TURNED UP TO SPOUT MY ONLINE SHIT I MUST ASK YOU WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS POST? IT WAS READABLE AND THE THOUGHT OF AUSTRALIANS WATCHING BATTLING MEXICANS BEMUSES ME BUT I SEE NO REAL POINT TO THE POST.
MY POST, YOU SEE, WAS TO INFORM YOU THAT SOMEONE WAS POSSIBLY MURDERED BY THERE SPOUSE, THERE IS A WOMAN WITH MASSIVE TITS IN MICHIGAN, MEN SHOULD HAVE MORE RIGHT TO BITCH ABOUT THE TOILET SEAT ISSUE, AND HAPPINESS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MONEY.
YOUR POST HAS NONE OF THOSE QUALITIES SO I GIVE YOU A +2 WITH THE VERY SERIOUS QUESTION OF WHAT WAS THE POINT.
I ALSO DISAGREE ABOUT THE WHOLE NO VS. YES THING AS I BELIEVE YES HAS MUCH MORE POWER OVER NO. YES IS POSITIVE, YES USUALLY BRINGS SOME SMALL SENSE OF SATISFACTION, SOME DESIRE FULFILLED, SOME HOPE REALIZED, WHEREAS NO MEANS ANOTHER SOUL HAS BEEN BLEAKLY CRUSHED INTO A FINE POWDER OF HUMAN DESPAIR.
THAT IS SIMPLY MY OPINION HOWEVER AND YOU MAY FEEL FREE TO TELL ME TO FUCK THE FUCKING FUCKITY FUCK OFF.
ALSO, JOHN LENNON BEGAN DATING YOKO ONO BECAUSE HE WENT TO AN ART EXHIBIT OF HERS. HE CLIMBED A LADDER ON A PERFORMANCE ART SORT OF THING AND AT THE TOP YOKO HAD PAINTED THE WORD "YES." LENNON WAS SO TAKEN WITH THIS HE ASKED TO MEET HER. THEY EVENTUALLY MARRIED, THE EVIL NIP DESTROYED THE GREATEST ROCK BAND IN HUMAN HISTORY, AND HUMANKIND WEPT.
NOW THAT'S POWER, MY FRIEND.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-06-04 01:36:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck yes