On Being a Briton: A Tirade (1655 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.38 on 115 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by TTOM: British, Scottish, Vicious (View user info) at 2008-07-21 07:07:04 EDT
Being a Briton, that is, a member of the island nation that includes Scotland, England, Wales and Northern Ireland (plus some odds and ends) is a distinctly strange thing.
We are never happier than when we've got something to complain about. We LOVE a good moan.
It's a good thing the weather here is shit for 200 days of the year, otherwise we would probably have to invade France again, just so we would have a reason to whinge about.
"You don't get massacres like you used to Henry. Frenchie don't put up a fight at all"
"Too true, James, too true. Tea?"
Our humour is cruel, cynical, hate-filled and probably only funny most of the time if you are just as filled with loathing as we are.
Go and look up Bernard Manning, that's classic British humour that is.
Our arrogance over our superiority (I would say supposed superiority but I think we all know that's not the case) is matched only by our surliness and bad temper. Britain is a nation of grumpy old people, walking around towns that all look the same, binge drinking and stabbing each other to death over someone "looking at me funny, innit bruv"
Our sporting achievements are nil. We do not wish for triumph. We distrust winners. More than that, we WANT to lose, we CRAVE disappointment.
Andy Murray (Tennis): "Oh he's in Wimbledon. Will he,.. Will he...?Oh he's been knocked out...What else is on"
Lewis Hamilton (F1): " Well yeah sure he's winning but it's the car innit. Anyone could win if the cars good"
Football (round ball kind): "ENG-UR-LUND! ENG-UR-LUND! ENG-UR-LUND! Oh crikey I've been stabbed with an offensive curvy foreign knife! Mum!"
Rugby (Egg chasing): "Didn't we used to be good at this?"
Cricket (Snore): "What else is on"
Curling (Stone sliding on ice...seriously, only Britain could invent a sport this shit): "Oh hey we've won a gold in...what's curling?"
The only time we enjoy winning is against countries that we share traditions with, mainly the tradition of beating each other about the face and neck with a cavalry sabre whilst wearing a jaunty red uniform with gold frogging. IE the French and the Germans.
Time to break out Bernard Manning again.
We distrust Europe. Too touchy feely.
We distrust Australia. Smug prison-paradise bastards.
We distrust America. Stop rubbing it in our faces.
We distrust other Britons. Please don't stab me guv, innit.
Everything we have ever achieved is in the past, we are incapable of being proud of any kind of future we may yet have. Nostalgia is our crutch and hatred is our zimmer frame. Um...dislike of new fangled things is our wooden leg and an unhealthy fear of happiness our Abu Hamza claw hand.
We are mistrustful, hate-filled, overly-nostalgic cynical fear mongers.
There is no other country I'd rather be from.
When Britain first at Heav'n's command
Arose from out the azure main;
This was the charter of the land,
And guardian angels sang this strain;
Rule, Britannia! Britannia, rule the waves:
Britons never will be slaves.
The nations not so blest as thee,
Shall in their turns to tyrants fall;
While thou shalt flourish great and free,
The dread and envy of them all.
Rule, Britannia! Britannia, rule the waves:
Britons never will be slaves.
Still mor majestic shalt thou rise,
More dreadful from each foreign stroke;
As the loud blast that tears the skies,
Serves but to root thy native oak.
Rule, Britannia! Britannia, rule the waves:
Britons never will be slaves.
Thee haughty tyrants ne'er shall tame,
All their attempts to bend thee down
Will but arouse thy generous flame;
But work their woe, and thy renown.
Rule, Britannia! Britannia, rule the waves:
Britons never will be slaves.
To thee belongs the rural reign;
They cities shall with commerce shine;
All thine shall be the subject main,
And every shore it circles thine.
Rule, Britannia! Britannia, rule the waves:
Britons never will be slaves.
The Muses, still with freedom found,
Shall to thy happy coast repair;
Blest Isle! With matchless beauty crowned,
And manly hearts to juide the fair.
Rule, Britannia! Britannia, rule the waves:
Britons never will be slaves.
*Salutes*
User Reviews
Submitted by chitowngirl (user info) at 2008-07-26 01:18:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Scott's are well endowed. auto+2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-07-24 14:00:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/35708
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2008-07-23 17:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tally ho!
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2008-07-22 18:39:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pip pip, old chap!
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-07-22 13:32:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2008-07-22 07:37:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I would bitch about Britain but I went to the airshow on Saturday and saw the Red Arrows, who were so fucking hardcore they've given me a sense of national pride that probably won't run out until the end of the week. Yes, they're THAT good. I was *almost* pissed enough to sign up to the RAF right then and there (booze + fucking awesomest people alive + zoomy planes doing mad skillz + RAF careers tent = spur of the moment misadvised life choices).
Any other time though, yeah. There's nothing about your post I disagree with. We're well fucking miserable.
>is miserable<
Woot Red Arrows!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-22 03:27:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,
And their like
It's better than yours,
Damn right it's better than yours,
I can teach you,
But I have to charge
uh huh uh huh
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2008-07-21 22:20:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well perhaps he should.
*sniffs*
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-21 21:31:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lady P, I think SQUEEE is a unique TToM phenomena. It really doesn't have a meaning except to imply a beastie's ickyness or creepy-crawly factor.
For instance, a fluffy, cuddly puppy would not go SQUEEE. A slimy, squirmy, sharped toothed carnivorous eel would definitely go SQUEEE.
I don't know. TToM hasn't definitively defined SQUEEE.
Submitted by Desz (user info) at 2008-07-21 21:19:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for having to put up with the weather
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2008-07-21 18:35:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And STILL nobody has explained the meaning of things going SQUEEE.
*weeps*
Submitted by devildog (user info) at 2008-07-21 17:51:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/117295#2731256
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-21 17:31:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-07-21 21:32:15 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-21 07:46:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to be a total Anglophile, until I came to Ubersite.
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Same here.
Jesus how they bitch about us. Why? Jealousy? Once their country was the center of the world, now it's barely an afterthought.
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You can't really be judging an entire Nation over a few flippant remarks made on a website?
Cyrus has got to be tongue in cheek - who on earth even thinks like that i have no idea.
INSANE
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-07-21 17:18:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
danny bhoy.
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-07-21 16:32:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-21 07:46:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to be a total Anglophile, until I came to Ubersite.
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Same here.
Jesus how they bitch about us. Why? Jealousy? Once their country was the center of the world, now it's barely an afterthought.
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2008-07-21 16:03:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-21 15:37:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-07-21 18:51:51 BST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
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WHERE have you been, Mr??
:)
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-07-21 15:36:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Just yesterday I was reading a tribute to the late great Arthur C. Clake and in the portion writtne by Harlan Ellison he diverged onto the topic the reputation of Brit writers for being vicious (but not A.C.C. of course)
Not that, from what I've seen of him, H. Ellison isn't a nasty piece of work.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-07-21 15:21:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think I have mild alcohol poisoning mixed with a concussion.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-07-21 13:59:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WOMAN: Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here. Oh -- how d'you do?
ARTHUR: How do you do, good lady. I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
Who's castle is that?
WOMAN: King of the who?
ARTHUR: The Britons.
WOMAN: Who are the Britons?
ARTHUR: Well, we all are. we're all Britons and I am your king.
WOMAN: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous
collective.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-07-21 13:53:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-07-21 13:51:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-07-21 13:37:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-21 11:11:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't even trouble yourself Skrap. Individuals like him who have made up their minds about us, i.e. that we're all fat and stupid, are pointless to argue with.
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I know, but it's fun to drop inconvenient facts into these things instead of opinions.
Submitted by Dexter-Brown (user info) at 2008-07-21 13:24:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh crikey I've been stabbed with an offensive curvy foreign knife! Mum!"
Submitted by tatersninja (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:51:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Chicken chasing? In the US?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:51:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YEAH, WHOOO, GO BRITONS!
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:38:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fair enough, TTom. I dare say however that our ignorant, pig shit thick hicks would get along well with your ignorant, pig shit thick hicks and vice versa.
Cheese rolling vs. drunken chicken chasin,' man, it's just six of one/half dozen of the other.
Call it novelty. I've grown bored with watching my hicks chase chickens and greased pigs. I want cheese rolling!
Submitted by tatersninja (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:31:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Wow, I think I must be a Briton at heart.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:28:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-21 17:13:56 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hear Hear (or is it here here?) @ below!
Now, let's get back to an important British issue, namely the cheese rolling games I referenced earlier.
Cheese rolling, people, CHEESE ROLLING!!!!
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Yes but these people are from Gloucester and thus are ignorant tractor driving, sister fucking, cheese rolling, thick as pigshit hicks.
Fuck Gloucester. Fuck Peterborough too, no one is British here. Every cunt here is from fucking Poland and they cant drive worth a fuck, pricks.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:14:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:13:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hear Hear (or is it here here?) @ below!
Now, let's get back to an important British issue, namely the cheese rolling games I referenced earlier.
Cheese rolling, people, CHEESE ROLLING!!!!
That's just awesome. I say we do a Goodwill exchange. You send us your champion cheese rollers to teach us the sport, and we'll send you a delegation from the American Midwest to teach y'all chicken chasin' and greased pig catchin'.
What say you?
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:09:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have a +2 because this prompted Director's latest post....which I want nothing to do with.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-07-21 11:53:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nice one F.J.
Off i fuck indeed....
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-21 11:44:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-07-21 16:43:11 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
...Which is why I'm leaving.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think I speak for everybody when I say 'we'll get over it.'
Go on then, off you fuck...
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-07-21 11:43:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DirkDiggler (user info) at 2008-07-21 11:17:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And this always starts as friendly banter and gets bitter.
Accept you flaws guys and be happy about it.
Americans are fat and stupid
British are under achievers, bitter and cynical.
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As a "Brit" i agree completely. I'm a shining example of a bitter, cynical under achiever.
I'm not however a vicious, knife weilding, "black" talking "chav"/ Which is why I'm leaving.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-07-21 11:38:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
are you a gambling man berty?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-21 11:28:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I tried to watch cricket the other day, I really did.
Technical sports are just terrible entertainment but I think the real pleasure is something similar to greyhound racing.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-21 11:20:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, uh...
right.
Submitted by DirkDiggler (user info) at 2008-07-21 11:17:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And this always starts as friendly banter and gets bitter.
Accept you flaws guys and be happy about it.
Americans are fat and stupid
British are under achievers, bitter and cynical.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-21 11:15:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We should all pick on Syria instead.
*shakes fist*
Mesopotamia is full of gays!
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-21 11:11:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't even trouble yourself Skrap. Individuals like him who have made up their minds about us, i.e. that we're all fat and stupid, are pointless to argue with.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-07-21 11:09:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-07-21 10:51:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Trus true, it's mostly the government.
I don't hate Americans, i do pity them though. When on average your population is fat and thick as pig shit. You do have to feel sorry for the few who aren't either fat or stupid.
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someone should probably mention that australia beat us on percentage of overweight/obese population and that the best idea they had for bunny control was building a 2000 mile long fence.
WE'RE SOUNDIN BETTER EVERY DAY!!!
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-07-21 11:07:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-07-21 10:25:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...
Certainly not even considering moving to the The Uber Shame of Asshats. Fuck that, I couldn't live surrounded by Yanks. Fuck that. Fuck that right off. No way, no how.
I'm off to the Land of Oz. Where time is backwards and the sun is always shining.
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That's funny. You know that Aussies didn't start calling the place "Oz" until after the American movie with Judy Garland, which was based on an American-written child's fairy tale, was screened there, right? Right. Off you go to Wonderful Land of Oz, then, and from now on when you say it, remember that an American thought up the name you're using.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-07-21 10:58:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The one thing TTOM missed out, all brits dislike Yanks, the government and the people.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-07-21 10:54:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The place is definitely going downhill.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-07-21 10:51:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Trus true, it's mostly the government.
I don't hate Americans, i do pity them though. When on average your population is fat and thick as pig shit. You do have to feel sorry for the few who aren't either fat or stupid.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-07-21 10:41:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-21 10:33:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:25:41 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Certainly not even considering moving to the The Uber Shame of Asshats. Fuck that, I couldn't live surrounded by Yanks. Fuck that. Fuck that right off. No way, no how.
I'm off to the Land of Oz. Where time is backwards and the sun is always shining.
----
Isn't that just sweet and precious!
Just for clarification, is it our government you hate, or Americans?
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probably doesn't know the difference.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-21 10:33:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:25:41 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Certainly not even considering moving to the The Uber Shame of Asshats. Fuck that, I couldn't live surrounded by Yanks. Fuck that. Fuck that right off. No way, no how.
I'm off to the Land of Oz. Where time is backwards and the sun is always shining.
----
Isn't that just sweet and precious!
Just for clarification, is it our government you hate, or Americans?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-07-21 10:26:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
binge drinking surly whiners are EXACTLY why i'm moving.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-07-21 10:25:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:04:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As GREAT as Britain is, it's becoming a shit place to live, a good place to originate from, but a shit place to live. Full to the brim with work shy losers draining the life from the majority. A government which doesn't understand it's people and put far more effort into pleasing big business and the economy, while screwing the general population to the wall.
Not to mention the vicious streets, and the immigrant problem.
=====
The exact same thing is going on over here, folks.
My pinko friend (who is once again crashing at my place) mentioned to me that she and I should really seriously consider hightailing it out of the US.
I told her, no one would want us being as how we're Yanks and all.
She started pinking out on me so I told her to go to Peru and herd Llamas.
Fuck me if she's not considering it!
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Certainly not even considering moving to the The Uber Shame of Asshats. Fuck that, I couldn't live surrounded by Yanks. Fuck that. Fuck that right off. No way, no how.
I'm off to the Land of Oz. Where time is backwards and the sun is always shining.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-21 10:24:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't do primark - they don't fit anymore!! byeeee
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-07-21 10:17:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lol Primark!
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-21 10:16:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You mean Primark, don't you?
(Good luck house-hunting)
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-21 10:14:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hated his guts, i was relieved when he died, but it was tough having to tell my kid.
I think we are all capable of hurting someone if pushed but the fact that he attacked a seemingly nice guy for no reason, and kicked his head until his face and skull were pulp kinda put him in a league of his own.
oh well, I am off to look at more house. I am considering using a walking stick as I am now so fat people - strangers - have begun to help me up from seats. In laura Ashley this morning, the sales assistant had to tug the dress I was trying on from my belly. Most embarrassing.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-21 10:14:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Abu Hamza claw hand.
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Mecha Abu Hamza definatley needs to fight Technopope.
"Hezbollah Missle!"
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-07-21 10:08:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i think i'll just stay in the east with the russian mafia.
where its nice and safe
*backs away and runs for life screaming "mommy"*
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-07-21 10:04:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-21 14:56:02 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm tired playing this Scottish Polish language barrier game with you!
I know 2 murderers... one definitely a murderer and got away with it, one most definitely not a murderer and in jail for it. This worries me... I'd never thought about it until now.
You be posh then, just remember your scummy mates when they need hand outs.
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haha I speak english, I am just not so quick or sharp.
The justice in Scotland is rough. If he didn't do it, that is bed. I'd shop the one that got away and claim the reward.
I had the pleasure of procreating with my murderer, although he was found guilty of manslaughter - he kicked a guy to death outside a night club. Luckily, as I have said before, he was stabbed to death in prison while serving his time. happy days. i should sell my story to take a break.
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The first guy killed is wife's lover and is now married to my mum's best friend. He got away with it on some police technicality or something. The guy who didn't do it... well lets just say I've done all i can on that front and I know he didn't do it because I was with him when it happened but not like that with him, just in his company. That's a hellishly long story for another day though. This sounds like Emerdale, i come from a place with 20,000 people, how is this possible...!
That's rough orphy, that can't have been easy.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-21 10:03:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ewe don't want to know.
And I do like the person you are today.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2008-07-21 10:03:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It followed several complaints about a man molesting sheep
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BEST LINE FROM A NEWS STORY EVER!
How on Earth does one molest a sheep? "Go on darling, you know you want it. Phoar, look at the hooves on that one!"
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-21 10:01:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What is saccy bleating about now? tee hee.
And it is ok FJ, made me the person I am today.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-07-21 10:00:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well at least you have your wooly friends.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/london/7513533.stm
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:58:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2008-07-21 07:39:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awwww, look, it's a Scot who has completely bought into everything his ancestors fought against when they were struggling valiantly against the English oppressors! For shame, man, for shame.
Go burn your kilt and hang up your haggis, for you are not fit to bear either.
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I have always said that I am proud to be both Scottish AND British. The two in my mind are intertwined and I have always considered the divise policies of Scottish nationals to be foolish at best and destructive at worse.
What we need is for countries to pull together and forget petty shit like who killed who 300 years ago, its in the past, let it go and see the fucking future.
LIVE IN THE NOW MAN!
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:57:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I shiver whenever I hear about that.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:56:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm tired playing this Scottish Polish language barrier game with you!
I know 2 murderers... one definitely a murderer and got away with it, one most definitely not a murderer and in jail for it. This worries me... I'd never thought about it until now.
You be posh then, just remember your scummy mates when they need hand outs.
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haha I speak english, I am just not so quick or sharp.
The justice in Scotland is rough. If he didn't do it, that is bed. I'd shop the one that got away and claim the reward.
I had the pleasure of procreating with my murderer, although he was found guilty of manslaughter - he kicked a guy to death outside a night club. Luckily, as I have said before, he was stabbed to death in prison while serving his time. happy days. i should sell my story to take a break.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:52:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-21 14:47:14 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-07-21 14:44:46 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Its up to Orphelia
Oi! Orphy! Fancy playing Brit Scum Happy Families Shameless Style?
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been there, done that already. I am quite settled playing at posh for now and forgetting my eldest sons father was a murderer.
I have no idea what you are on about anyway. :)
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I'm tired playing this Scottish Polish language barrier game with you!
I know 2 murderers... one definitely a murderer and got away with it, one most definitely not a murderer and in jail for it. This worries me... I'd never thought about it until now.
You be posh then, just remember your scummy mates when they need hand outs.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:47:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 the poster, not the post.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:47:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-07-21 14:44:46 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Its up to Orphelia
Oi! Orphy! Fancy playing Brit Scum Happy Families Shameless Style?
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been there, done that already. I am quite settled playing at posh for now and forgetting my eldest sons father was a murderer.
I have no idea what you are on about anyway. :)
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:45:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm proud of being born in England, though I only lived there a few years.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:44:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Its up to Orphelia
Oi! Orphy! Fancy playing Brit Scum Happy Families Shameless Style?
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:42:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
two birds of a feather, but differing birds.
or
crashing though the cuckoos nest
either way, a classic chav british low class tragedy comedy!
so we are agreed to, then?
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:34:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, I can see it now. 2 children, the same age, both sons of the mailman living two doors away from one another and never knowing they are half brothers...
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:28:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-07-21 08:51:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-07-21 13:37:53 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
your address, banjo, or you are just blowing air out of your arse...
---------------------
Are you a milkman, postman, plumber or do you have any other credentials that would warrant you having my address? Also, how are you at scaling drain pipes?
Orphy, we should make sure we are lush on the same street.
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they tell me my genetical father was a mailman. seeing as i am blonde, mum is brunette and dad has black hair, i tend to believe it. his name was fjord blownkofi - a swede!, so i have mailman blood in me veins. that makes me credible.
ja, i will fix yor pipes! (a drogoroch post. look it up. tres drol!)
as a bonus, i'll do orphy too.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:24:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:18:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
----
im busy for the bledisloe (well this match anyway) - watching it with the tart's brother.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:18:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you crazy world power you. okay I've got to go stick my fingers down my throat - it's been nice.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:17:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck off fatty I'm talking to snakey oops drakey. freud 'eh bon? crazy.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:16:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
okay, but I get to be on top!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:11:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*weeps kabanos scented tears down orc cheeks and leaves*
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:11:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wanna discuss the in's and out's of your foreign policy? i'll be the foreigner.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:09:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
as long as you don't mind sipping this yummy Roofie-Colada!
I'll call you in the morning.....promise
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:07:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU shut it polack. sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, drakey boy, you got a date for the prom?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:06:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm more of a goblin, DR. Now shut it.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:05:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
zing!
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:05:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pound being the operative word hotstuff
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:04:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As GREAT as Britain is, it's becoming a shit place to live, a good place to originate from, but a shit place to live. Full to the brim with work shy losers draining the life from the majority. A government which doesn't understand it's people and put far more effort into pleasing big business and the economy, while screwing the general population to the wall.
Not to mention the vicious streets, and the immigrant problem.
=====
The exact same thing is going on over here, folks.
My pinko friend (who is once again crashing at my place) mentioned to me that she and I should really seriously consider hightailing it out of the US.
I told her, no one would want us being as how we're Yanks and all.
She started pinking out on me so I told her to go to Peru and herd Llamas.
Fuck me if she's not considering it!
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:03:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
As a matter of fact.... I got a $30 tip at the bar this weekend to bend over (bachelorette party).
My tushie is worth $30. It weighs roughly 2 pounds...so...*carry the one*...it's worth $15/lb.
for comparisons sake, As of 10, August 2007, 8:08 GMT, the price of gold is 8070.00USD per Pound
so... my butt is 1/538 as good as gold!
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:01:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
With a few changes you could put in any primarily English-speaking nation except for our little friend, the USA - Canada, Australia... it seems like there's some kind of thing to do with our national identity that makes us wallow in our underachievement. For instance, the hockey team with the most fans, the most-talked about, etc, hasn't won the League in 50-odd years.
This is the way I rank it for people being whiny, grim, and dour:
1. England
2. Canada
3. Australia
4. USA
I put Australia 3rd because some of them can be very happy and outgoing, but they are definitely built along the same lines.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-07-21 08:57:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-21 08:53:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You forgot rain, cream teas, Blackpool, teen mums, doner kebabs, fish and chips, Butlins, Corrie and 'Enders, the Royal family, rose gardens and Sir fucking Cliff Richard.
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and trolls. hey Drake I realise you're a guy btw - I'm a switch hitter. how are your pecs? bossomy?
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-07-21 08:54:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice post, too true.
As GREAT as Britain is, it's becoming a shit place to live, a good place to originate from, but a shit place to live. Full to the brim with work shy losers draining the life from the majority. A government which doesn't understand it's people and put far more effort into pleasing big business and the economy, while screwing the general population to the wall.
Not to mention the vicious streets, and the immigrant problem.
So, I'm gonna fuck off to that prisoner paradise, soon as possible.
But i'm proud to be FROM Britain, I just don't wanna LIVE here.
Who would?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-21 08:53:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You forgot rain, cream teas, Blackpool, teen mums, doner kebabs, fish and chips, Butlins, Corrie and 'Enders, the Royal family, rose gardens and Sir fucking Cliff Richard.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-07-21 08:51:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-07-21 13:37:53 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
your address, banjo, or you are just blowing air out of your arse...
---------------------
Are you a milkman, postman, plumber or do you have any other credentials that would warrant you having my address? Also, how are you at scaling drain pipes?
Orphy, we should make sure we are lush on the same street.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-07-21 08:51:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sweetums you're arguing for me. I was just poking you in the eye that's all. Do you have a nice butt?
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 08:44:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You sure told me.
That wasn't me taking a shot, that was me stating a point. The plus 1 is because I much prefer Squeee and Michael Dudikoff to ramblings about culture. Is that so wrong?
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-07-21 08:37:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
your address, banjo, or you are just blowing air out of your arse...
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-21 08:37:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So, I am going to purchase me a long satin bathrobe, hair curlers, gin, tonic and lots of wine /champagne. I will seduce postmen, milkmen and the like. I will have a rich husband who works his ass off so I can stay in the way I've become accustomed. I will also have a bathroom cabinet brimming with anit-depressants and be in possession of a healty valium addiction.
------------------------------
Are you stalking me????
You forgot to mention heeled feathered slippers and menthol cigarettes, which you only smoke under the arber as hubby wouldn't approve.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-07-21 08:33:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've decided I want to be a steretype. How does one grow old and credible as a woman?
Become a lush.
So, I am going to purchase me a long satin bathrobe, hair curlers, gin, tonic and lots of wine /champagne. I will seduce postmen, milkmen and the like. I will have a rich husband who works his ass off so I can stay in the way I've become accustomed. I will also have a bathroom cabinet brimming with anit-depressants and be in possession of a healty valium addiction.
I decided this the other day. Seems like a worthy aspiration.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-21 08:26:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You forgot the cliches and stereotypes.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2008-07-21 08:15:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As long as it explained why it was going SQUEE while it exclaimed "SQUEEE!", I have absolutely no problem with that proposition.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-21 08:13:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know what would be fantastic? A TToM post about some horrible beastie rolling cheese down a hill screeching "SQUEEE!"
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-07-21 08:13:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Britain, FUCK YEAH!
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-07-21 08:08:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yes F.J. Bell Doc Martin *is* fabulous, I stopped watching the out-takes so it didn't spoil the magic.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2008-07-21 08:07:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
On a side note, TTOM, why do most but not all critters go SQUEE? If it is from the comics, why do the large and scary critters go SQUEE as well as the small and spindly ones? If not, then what the deuce, my good sir?
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-07-21 08:05:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 07:43:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If this were about America, it would be at a .61 with 431 comments.
-------------
*crosses legs and removes cap from ballpoint pen* "no no, sit back drake and relax, tell us how you really feel."
"well..."
"before you begin, let me interrupt. You see the rest of the world understands you americans are decent people, a lot of us *know* americans. That said you lack a certain....'sense of irony' - humour even. You know back in the day when you were sitting on the fence blinking at jerry and redesigning those ranger hats you wore in double u double u 1, the rest of us were like oh jerry you characters, we'll give you versailles and then some. You guys were all we don't get it until 'april fool's day' in hawaii. Then it was all blustering cluster fuck GOD DAMMIT YELLOW PERIL BAD FORM WE'RE IN. Even bonnie is plus twoing this post you silly billy and she HATES peoples not riding motorcycles with big convoluted handle bars."
"............"
*places cap back on pen* "don't hate us for picking on you, you've given us the Browns and Nirvana, and Nirvana are basically Canadians. You can pay at the front desk. no amex."
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-07-21 07:58:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice post, too true.
As GREAT as Britain is, it's becoming a shit place to live, a good place to originate from, but a shit place to live. Full to the brim with work shy losers draining the life from the majority. A government which doesn't understand it's people and put far more effort into pleasing big business and the economy, while screwing the general population to the wall.
Not to mention the vicious streets, and the immigrant problem.
So, I'm gonna fuck off to that prisoner paradise, soon as possible.
But i'm proud to be FROM Britain, I just don't wanna LIVE here.
Who would?
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-21 07:57:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:46:25 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to be a total Anglophile, until I came to Ubersite.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How so?
(And Doc Martin is fabulous)
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-07-21 07:48:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
0.61 and gazillion comments trying to reinforce their greatness.
We Brits are quietly great and require no such debauched flourishes of exhibitionism.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-21 07:46:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to be a total Anglophile, until I came to Ubersite.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 07:43:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If this were about America, it would be at a .61 with 431 comments.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-21 07:42:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But what of your cheese rolling games? You Britishers seem to have a monopoly on the activity, so you ought to lead the world!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/gloucestershire/3761541.stm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Dw3MrCc4o4
http://www.bbc.co.uk/gloucestershire/content/articles/2008/04/16/cheese_rolling_video_nation_feature.shtml
Apparently you folks have been at this for 200 years.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-07-21 07:39:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
being british is gay, but I've got to say I really fucking like that Doc Martin show. If being british was actually LIKE Doc Martin, well I'd like you guys more. thankfully I've had the benefit of flying over your crappy little isle and DOUBLE BONUS, IT PUT ME OFF THE AIRPLANE FOOD.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2008-07-21 07:39:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awwww, look, it's a Scot who has completely bought into everything his ancestors fought against when they were struggling valiantly against the English oppressors! For shame, man, for shame.
Go burn your kilt and hang up your haggis, for you are not fit to bear either.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-07-21 07:32:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
now as the rest of the world sees you;
cold food,
warm beer,
not particularily pretty grrls(there are exceptions - Louis Cort, if your reading this, you are by far the most attractive lady i have ever met, a lady in every sense of the word), but friendly nevertheless.
nothing else matters, really
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-21 07:27:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not happy unless I'm moaning.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-07-21 07:19:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
God save the queen
The fascist regime
They made you a moron
Potential H-bomb
God save the queen
She ain't no human being
There is no future
In England's dreaming
Don't be told what you want
Don't be told what you need
There's no future, no future,
No future for you
God save the queen
We mean it man
We love our queen
God saves
God save the queen
'Cause tourists are money
And our figurehead
Is not what she seems
Oh God save history
God save your mad parade
Oh Lord God have mercy
All crimes are paid
When there's no future
How can there be sin
We're the flowers in the dustbin
We're the poison in your human machine
We're the future, your future
God save the queen
We mean it man
We love our queen
God saves
God save the queen
We mean it man
And there is no future
In England's dreaming
No future, no future,
No future for you
No future, no future,
No future for me
No future, no future,
No future for you
No future, no future
For you
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-07-21 07:19:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy Moly Mother of Shit. I feel patriotic!
Yes, we do come from the most brilliant country in the whole world.
Those aussies may think they're in paradise but they're not because everything not human living there wants to kill them.
America might think they've got it all good but there's a natural disaster waiting to wipe them from the planet.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-07-21 07:16:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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