Beating A Dead Horse (1071 hits)
Category: Movies & TVRating: 0.18 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Matt Maiorano (View user info) at 2008-07-29 23:18:55 EDT
Well, I'm back from my hiatus.
In case some of you were wondering (which you weren't, but I'm going to tell you anyway) I spent four nights in the unbelievably amazing Las Vegas doing some indoor skydiving, firing off submachine guns, racing go-karts at 40+ miles per hour, watching the Ka production of Cirque De Soleil, Penn and Teller, and enjoying the company of many many strippers...... strippers as far as the eye can see.
There were MOUNTAINS made out of strippers. Even some of the floors of the clubs had bits of real strippers in them, but I digress.
It's funny how when you're in a place like Las Vegas, the weirdest things seem to grab your attention. It seems that no matter how much I drink, gamble, smoke, drink, walk on the strip, or drink, a seemingly mundane thing like the idea of a live-action Dragonball Z movie can still penetrate my mind and manage to piss me off.
Yes, I used to be a Dragonball Z freak back in high school. When I first heard that they were bringing it back on Cartoon Network to pick up where it left off in America, I'll admit I was excited.
After sitting through the remainder of the atrocity that was the Frieza saga, I decided to call it quits. I came to the realization that no matter how much bad metal, bad voice actors trying to imitate the original actors, and redundant (if not ludicrous) storylines you throw into a cartoon, it will never EVER measure up to the glory it once held back in those days when Vegita's voice was actually cool.
But why on earth would the idea of a movie like this piss me off? After all, I'm the kind of guy who's easily drawn into a movie with lots of bright shiny colors, what's NOT to like about a Dragonball Z movie being released in 2009?
Let's take a look, for a moment, at the choice of casting:
Justin Chatwin, with hits like "Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2", "The Chumscrubber", and "War of the Worlds" under his belt, is the OBVIOUS choice to play our beloved hero Goku. After all, he's Asian, can break a man in half with little more than a hard stare, and possesses the kind of acting talent that could make Steven Seagal weep. I'm already bleeding internally just thinking about this.
James Marsters, whose only notable role that people actually remember him for as the vampire "Spike" in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" series, will be playing the role of Lord Piccolo. This would actually seem like a pretty cool idea if Mr. Marsters DIDN'T think his role in this movie was as serious as he makes it out to be. As I recall, an alien - FROM OUTER SPACE, MIND YOU (boogity boogity) - who got a little sand in his mangina over the fact that he was imprisoned for 2000 years does not make a very interesting or compelling plot. It also does not qualify as complex or Shakespearean as Marsters seems to think so (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1098327/trivia).
Chow Yun-Fat, the only cast member who can actually qualify as an A-List actor, will be playing the part of a character who merely sat on the sidelines of every battle on his own private island ogling anything with a pulse and a thong. I, for one, am waiting to see exactly how this is going to pan out.
I'm not going to go over the remainder of the cast because..... well....... nobody knows or cares about who any of them are. All I know is that there is NO KRILLIN. Are you telling me that Goku's best friend in the whole wide universe, a super-powered midget that trained with him over the course of their entire childhood, couldn't be added into this movie? Nobody decided to call up Verne Troyer to see what he was doing in between "Half & Half" and "The Love Guru"!? Are you fucking JOKING ME!?
Instead of staying true to the TV show, these assholes saw fit to throw in a few made-up characters to play Goku's high school buddies. Which brings me to my next point:
The contradictions.
If my memory serves me correctly, Goku trained in the mountains with his adopted grandfather every waking moment of his childhood, and never went to school. I also seem to remember a character by the name of Kame who purged the evil within himself so that he could become the kind of guardian that Earth needed him to be. And could it be true that this evil manifested itself as Lord Piccolo?
Not according to the writers of this script.
No. Instead, we're going to be treated to a high school bitchfest with a being threatening planet earth all because he couldn't handle 2000 years' worth of spank time.
If this is the kind of shit that's getting the green light in Hollywood, I might as well write a "Sonic The Hedgehog" movie starring OJ Simpson with a mohawk fighting an army of robot Jews in a hotel room because he wanted to get his crappy merchandise back.
It'll be fucking epic.
If any of you plan on seeing this giant pile of horseshit, I have just one simple piece of advice...................
................. Don't.
User Reviews
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-07-31 21:17:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I'd been able to go.
:-(
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-07-31 08:42:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2008-05-08 17:42:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Boy, you guys sure exposed me for the sham that I am
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sham i am, sham i am.
i do not like green eggsh and ham
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-07-30 22:30:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2008-07-30 21:31:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
In either case, I purposely didn't talk about a lot of the stuff that we did mainly because it would have been a "OMG DIS WUZ SOOOOOOOO COOL" type of story, which tends to piss me off. Any story that revolves around a "you had to be there" punchline is just plain stupid.
I thought talking about a new live action movie that didn't deserve to see the light of day seemed a little bit more relevant.
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Oh, well okay. Now I see your logic, here is a brand new -2.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2008-07-30 21:31:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ka was a beautiful performance. I thoroughly enjoyed the story, even though underneath all the flash and flare it was still just a circus act. Some of the things that they did were nothing short of amazing, and at a few points I found myself getting a little misty in the eyes. I would highly recommend it to everyone if they ever get the chance.
To be perfectly frank, nobody bothered to contact me after I sent out a bunch of emails. It was mostly my fault because nothing was set in stone until a couple weeks beforehand, but the announcement had been made and a lot of people had told me that they were making their arrangements.
In either case, I purposely didn't talk about a lot of the stuff that we did mainly because it would have been a "OMG DIS WUZ SOOOOOOOO COOL" type of story, which tends to piss me off. Any story that revolves around a "you had to be there" punchline is just plain stupid.
I thought talking about a new live action movie that didn't deserve to see the light of day seemed a little bit more relevant.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-07-30 15:31:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I had hopes for Ka due to the martial arts, but it was boring, I never got into the story.
not that most people actually see any continuity in one of these shows.
I kept looking at my watch for it to be over.
it was just meh.
Love was a blast, and I'm not a Beatles fan
Submitted by Judgement (user info) at 2008-07-30 15:15:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-07-30 15:06:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-07-30 13:39:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-07-29 23:55:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
was this the big ubercon vegas trip?
nice filename, btw
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Yeah - were you able to get anyone to come out there? I don't think anyone's tried that since the crucifixion of J. Greening.
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Greening beat the nails in with his own head. We just held the nails.
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-07-30 14:25:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's subjective I suppose. I saw Mystere first, so maybe that's why I recall it fondly. I'd say I liked O better, but not that much better.
Most recently I saw Saltimbanco which came to the Civic Arena of my hometown. What a disappointment that was.
Anyway, what didn't you like about KA?
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-07-30 14:07:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
cyrus.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/117865#2753739
O
Love
La Nuba
Mystere
Ka
quality starts at O and works down from there. although Love is about equal to O.
Submitted by PayMeLater (user info) at 2008-07-30 13:54:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-07-30 00:22:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-07-30 13:27:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Uhhh...talk more about Vegas.
Submitted by BubbaEarl (user info) at 2008-07-30 13:49:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
in this case.. what happened in vegas shoulda fuckin' stayed in...yada yada yada.
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-07-30 13:39:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-07-29 23:55:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
was this the big ubercon vegas trip?
nice filename, btw
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Yeah - were you able to get anyone to come out there? I don't think anyone's tried that since the crucifixion of J. Greening.
A Question: I've seen almost all Cirque du Soleil shows except KA. What did you think, have you seen others, how does it rate?
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-07-30 11:22:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What a fucking waste of a vegas story.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-07-30 11:13:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what happened? did ebaumsworld kick you out?
Ka is shit "O" is 1000x better.
Penn and Teller's bullet catch trick is quite awsome, did you meet them afterwards in the lobby?They are very cool about meeting fans and you can actually talk to Teller.
Penn is around 45 feet tall in real life.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-07-30 10:50:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Congrats!
Somehow, you managed to make a trip to the greatest city in the world sound like a weekend at a Star Trek Convention with William Shatner and 1000 geeks.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-07-30 10:09:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Needs more ___________________ [Anything. You fill in the blank]
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-07-30 09:59:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wait a minute.
HOW the fuck old are you again?
Dragonball Z!?! Isn't that for like, 10 year olds?
I must be getting old fashioned because I happen to think that grown men who watch kids cartoons and play trading card games are a bit on the strange side.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-07-30 07:32:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i read about Vegas and then you started typing in Greek and lost me
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-07-30 07:24:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-30 03:29:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This may be your most boring post ever.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-07-30 06:37:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I blanked out halfway through this. Don't take it personal - it was probably more due to the wine.
The only other dragonball z fan guy i've known used to wear girls makeup to hide his pimples. And on that basis I judge you.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-07-30 05:50:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-07-30 00:22:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-07-30 13:27:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Uhhh...talk more about Vegas.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-07-29 23:55:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice filename, btw
Submitted by Scy_fy_junkie (user info) at 2008-07-30 03:53:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I had a hiatus once, doctor whipped it out under general.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-30 03:29:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This may be your most boring post ever.
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2008-07-30 03:12:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/117725
beat you to it
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-07-30 00:22:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-07-30 13:27:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Uhhh...talk more about Vegas.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2008-07-30 00:01:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was and am and will always be a huge DBZ fan, but I wept tears of pain when I heard about the live action film.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-07-29 23:55:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
was this the big ubercon vegas trip?
nice filename, btw
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-07-29 23:27:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Uhhh...talk more about Vegas.