Dissecting A Bully (98931 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalLabels: B@W
Rating: 1.88 on 91 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (View user info) at 2008-08-04 22:50:38 EDT
I wasn't exactly popular in high school. Check that, I was wildly unpopular in high school. Changing schools with the regularity of changing one's underwear will do that to a person. I started my high school career in a new city with zero friends and even less social skills. My natural personality is...off putting to say the least. As I've described before, my certain brand of humor isn't for everyone.
Not fitting in wasn't the problem, standing out was. I didn't have the right clothes, my glasses were too big and my memory is shit. Why was memory a problem, you ask? Because in gym class, I couldn't remember my locker number and instead of having a red, black or blue combination lock I used a pink one so I could easily identify where my stuff was. The problem with that was it made me a target for the semi-muscular, semi-retarded jocks. Having a pink lock automatically made me a homosexual and someone to torment and occasionally sucker punch in the hallway. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't a pussy. Every punch or shove I was on the receiving end of was reciprocated but I usually ended up with a nice ass beating.
After about a year and a half of bi-daily antagonization and constant homosexual slurs hurled at me in the hallways and cafeteria I was looking for a way to end it once and for all. Things were getting worse and I couldn't take it anymore. It was then, in my biology class, that I became a legend.
For some reason that boggles my mind, the self proclaimed leader of the pack of assholes that terrorized me was in my honors biology class. He didn't seem particularly smart as he spent most of the lab experiments lighting notebook paper on fire with Bunsen burners and heating up paper clips to ungodly temperatures and flinging them at me. I'm betting that after what happened to him he wished he could have taken all that guff back.
During a three week period our teacher was giving us dissection projects to work on. We started with a cow's eye and heart and worked out way up to a squid and the ever popular frog. The squid was the beginning of the end for the bully that I will continue to refer to as Chump.
Chump thought it would be funny to throw bits of dissected squid at me. Tentacles, cartilage, and ink sack. The ink sack broke and stained my less than fashionable khaki pants. I was irate but the teacher threw him out before I could retaliate. Now you would think that Chump wouldn't be allowed to take part in anymore dissections after that. He did. The next week there he was, sitting at the lab table behind me with his frog, flicking bits of heart and entrails at me. Apparently I was allowed to walk around school for two hours with frog intestines on the back of my shirt. I'd like to thank everyone at West High for that. Fucking scumbags.
I don't know how many schools go past frog anatomy, but the grand finale for us was carving up a cat. That's right, Puss in boots spread open on a desk like a classroom porn directed by Tim Burton.
Knowing Chump's penchant for throwing embalmed meaty bits at me I knew I had to have something in store. Everything was going smoothly until we stared extracting the brain from Fluffy.
Splat.
Some gray matter landed beside me.
I waited.
Splat. Snickering.
Getting closer.
Splat.
Right behind my ear. I remember thinking that cat brain feels eerily similar to a spit ball.
"Chump, get down to the office."
Shit, the teacher caught him. I only had a little time to gather myself. I hurriedly removed the pins from my cat while monitoring Chump's packing process as he zipped his books up and pushed the stool back. My hearing seemed super human. I could hear every breath in the school. I could feel Chump sneering at me as he was preparing to pass by. I took a deep breath.
Just as I saw the first Doc Martin come into my periphery I grabbed my splayed open cat by the tail, stood up and swung all in one motion. The sickening smack of open cat on smug face was like if you dropped a watermelon from high above into a shallow puddle on concrete.
I screamed, releasing the air that I had held waiting for my moment.
"A motherfucker can't swing a dead cat without hitting a faggot around here!"
Stunned silence fell over the class. No one knew what to fucking do. I might as well have just shot the guy in the face and shit in his ear.
Chump doubled over and puked. Then he cried. Then he puked some more. It was beautiful. The shock wore off the class and people started yelling, screaming and laughing. Teachers came running from the adjacent classes to see what the sudden explosion of sound was. I was promptly escorted down to the main office. I knew I had done something big when I had to deal with the principal and not just one of his lackeys assigned to me alphabetically.
I pleaded my case against Chump and his cohorts and why I should not be expelled. I reasoned that one whole cat to the face made up for all the little bits of dead animals I had endured for the past three weeks. In the end I got a month of the dreaded ISS (In School Suspension) and had to see my whacked out guidance counselor once a day.
After my penance was served, there was a different vibe when I walked down the corridors of my school. People were looking at me, not with disgust or disdain but curiosity. They wanted to know what the hell possessed me to hit a guy with a cat. New people started sitting with me at lunch and in the library. The bullying came to a screeching halt. I still received some dirty looks from the jack offs that used to shove me against lockers or kick my feet when I was walking but they didn't dare come near me. I felt like Daniel San after Miyagi got the Cobra Kai to leave him alone until the tournament. High school wouldn't be the same.
Not only had I beat the bully, I fucking humiliated him. You can heal from cuts and bruises but you can't come back from an orange tabby to your grill.
User Reviews
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-10-01 16:55:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're linked on reddit.com
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2008-09-12 14:40:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely done.
Submitted by PeakJ (user info) at 2008-09-08 00:10:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2008-09-01 08:22:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W also if this is true you get +10000000000 to real lfe
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2008-08-30 11:48:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pure, unequivocal, brilliance.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-08-26 00:00:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hopefully, you later high-fived your shadow while you doggie-styled his sister, which, courtesy of mudwistle, is the funniest line I've read in years.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-08-25 22:16:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
brill
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2008-08-21 15:50:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow....
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-08-18 00:07:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh jeebus, but this was sick.
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-08-17 23:59:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-08-17 19:22:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff
Submitted by tamuru (user info) at 2008-08-15 13:50:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dang, i should have done that.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-08-15 01:52:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The first half of this post made me want to watch Freaks and Geeks.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2008-08-13 20:18:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you go girl
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-08-13 12:45:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For all that is good and holy... B@W.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-08-13 12:01:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W AGAIN? Jaysis!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-08-07 15:28:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/38607
Dead cats rule!
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2008-08-06 15:23:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-08-06 10:12:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I phrased that horribly, but you get the idea.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-08-06 10:11:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
if you do an internet check for a bully from your highschool there must be a good chance he was arrested soon after graduation.
i just checked and one i knew from way back was recently arrested for beating his girlfriend.
cool stuff
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2008-08-06 08:53:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-08-05 16:27:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-08-05 12:27:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-08-05 10:21:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That is the best you could do? Hit him with a dead cat? I don't believe a fucking second of this, he had to been the biggest pussy in the school to not crush your ass. I have seen a half-ass bully like this though, he was like the tough guy out of the fucking weird, nerd crowd and while all the other nerds were afraid of him no one else would take his shit. Way to go, you hit a nerd with self esteem problems with a dead cat and undoubtedly ruined his Stone Cold Steve Austin WWF shirt.
________________________________________________________________________
Sorry my little tale didn't appeal to you, Mr. Sandwich. I didn't realize that we all lived in a carbon copy world where everyone has the same personalities and stereotypes. I also apologize for not getting my "ass crushed." I can handel myself one on one, so I doubt that I would have gotten "crushed" by a 16 year old jock. Besides the fact I doubt any high school bully would "cat face head butt" anyone, let alone have the composure to act anything but absofuckinglutley stunned. I'm sure in your super tough guy tough school where everyone's penis is bigger than the other guy's you proved your manliness by fucking each other in the ass and proclaiming your dislike of it.
Next time you write something that I don't care for (which probably will be soon) I'll keep in mind the fact that you are undoubtedly the coolest individual to ever grace the front page of Ubersite, and still not give a shit. Run along now and get your mom to drive you to work, those curly fries aren't going to cook themselves, chief.
===========================================
Didn't say it didn't appeal to me, just saying that if you are going to fabricate a tale then go big or go home. If this shit is true then I am guessing you went to a mormon school in Utah. You said he was the biggest and baddest of the bullies so unless you sewed a brick up inside that cat then you probably didn't drop him with a shot to the face.
When I was a freshman there was a real bully, Aaron Cameron (http://justice.dentoncounty.com/ISAPI/TSGProxy.dll/dentonco/WEBSERV/3007735/PERSONS/1019081), I played football with him and saw him bench close to 450lbs. One day in the hallway I watched him get ISS for chewing tobacco in school. He then spit on the principals foot, got expelled, and proceeded to rip a waterfountain of the wall and throw it at the principal. He was a real bully, cat-slap someone like him and he would have skull-fucked you in half.
You said yourself that you were usually on the receiving end of the ass-kickery so I doubt you could have handled the leader of the bullies mano-y-mano, that is why you joined the army, you wanted to try and prove that you didn't have to be bullied your whole life.
----------------------
My bully's bigger than your bully syndrome, not a massively documented retardation, but a retardation none the less.
-P
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2008-08-06 08:41:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Life long humiliation +2
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2008-08-06 08:08:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by theshadypeach (user info) at 2008-08-06 03:23:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At least you didn't leave the pins in. It'd be the thing that'd make you cross the line from hilarious to sick.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-08-06 01:42:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This should be made into a short film... or at the very least a flashback in some feature film.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-05 23:54:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was all kinds of awesome.
I fucking hated high school.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2008-08-05 22:23:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I'd had the chance to swing a dead cat at some people I've known.
Submitted by TooMuchMan (user info) at 2008-08-05 20:11:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, that was really cool what you did in biology class. Me and the other socies, we're going to be smoking some pot out behind the football field after school today, if you want to come.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-08-05 19:29:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-08-05 18:41:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2008-08-05 17:53:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If Pentameter doesn't like you, it's probably your fault
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-08-05 17:49:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking wimps. When I was in High School, a bunch of the badasses went back in time and killed Jesus and then moved forward to buttslam Hitler.
"My classes were the meanest." What a bunch of tards. . .
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2008-08-05 17:41:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Consider me entertained.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-08-05 17:39:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-08-05 17:09:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BobSandwich is quickly becoming Uber's biggest fag. He's going to make Oathy jealous.
---------------------------------------------
What else did you expect - he's from Dallas.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2008-08-05 17:38:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Orange tabby in your grill...
Pussy in your face....
it's all good!
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-08-05 17:30:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
dissecting cat's? really? how sick is that. The most we ever dissected in high school were some lab rats.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-08-05 17:09:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BobSandwich is quickly becoming Uber's biggest fag. He's going to make Oathy jealous.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2008-08-05 17:01:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-08-05 17:01:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Didn't say it didn't appeal to me, just saying that if you are going to fabricate a tale then go big or go home. If this shit is true then I am guessing you went to a mormon school in Utah. You said he was the biggest and baddest of the bullies so unless you sewed a brick up inside that cat then you probably didn't drop him with a shot to the face.
When I was a freshman there was a real bully, Aaron Cameron (http://justice.dentoncounty.com/ISAPI/TSGProxy.dll/dentonco/WEBSERV/3007735/PERSONS/1019081), I played football with him and saw him bench close to 450lbs. One day in the hallway I watched him get ISS for chewing tobacco in school. He then spit on the principals foot, got expelled, and proceeded to rip a waterfountain of the wall and throw it at the principal. He was a real bully, cat-slap someone like him and he would have skull-fucked you in half.
You said yourself that you were usually on the receiving end of the ass-kickery so I doubt you could have handled the leader of the bullies mano-y-mano, that is why you joined the army, you wanted to try and prove that you didn't have to be bullied your whole life.
__________________________________________________________________________
You seem to have your facts messed up sir, and you assertions about me could not be farther from the truth.
I did not say that he was the biggest nor the baddest. He was the main bully in his group. My school was comprised of over 2,100 kids in a facility built for 1,000. He was hardly the meanest, but he was the meanest in my class level. You see, I'm not a fucking retard that needed to be put into remedial classes with the real thugs like the Puerto Ricans that had an affinity for stabbing people on the way home. Your Aaron Cameron would have been a second rate thug in my school. There were actual gangs at my school who had their friends come up from West Roxbury and Boston to lay epic beatings on rival gangs. They were too busy dealing with each other to deal with people like me.
As for the "mano-y-mano," my mom laid better beatings on me than those fucking tools, the only difference is that I was afraid to punch my mom in the neck. When you get pushed around by a group of people, fighting "fair" goes out the window and anything goes.
For your information, I joined the Army for shits and giggles. They gave me a $5000 enlisting bonus and I got to drill one city over from where I lived. It had nothing to do with trying to prove that I didn't have to be bullied. Drill Seargents are the biggest bullies on the face of the planet. Plus they taught me how to fix troop carriers and construction equipment which parlayed quite nicely into my current job.
You are wrong on every single account, including "unless you sewed a brick up inside that cat then you probably didn't drop him with a shot to the face." I didn't say I dropped him, I said he doubled over. Next time you vomit, try standing straight up and see how that works out for you. Why don't you grab hold of the context of the story and try reading it again. I appreciate your feedback, though. It's really helpful coming from someone who has a grand total of four posts efforted here with two of them being pictures. I'll take your go big or go home advice to heart if I'm ever in 1992 again.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2008-08-05 16:54:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Boy, I sure do miss highschool!
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-08-05 16:27:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-08-05 12:27:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-08-05 10:21:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That is the best you could do? Hit him with a dead cat? I don't believe a fucking second of this, he had to been the biggest pussy in the school to not crush your ass. I have seen a half-ass bully like this though, he was like the tough guy out of the fucking weird, nerd crowd and while all the other nerds were afraid of him no one else would take his shit. Way to go, you hit a nerd with self esteem problems with a dead cat and undoubtedly ruined his Stone Cold Steve Austin WWF shirt.
________________________________________________________________________
Sorry my little tale didn't appeal to you, Mr. Sandwich. I didn't realize that we all lived in a carbon copy world where everyone has the same personalities and stereotypes. I also apologize for not getting my "ass crushed." I can handel myself one on one, so I doubt that I would have gotten "crushed" by a 16 year old jock. Besides the fact I doubt any high school bully would "cat face head butt" anyone, let alone have the composure to act anything but absofuckinglutley stunned. I'm sure in your super tough guy tough school where everyone's penis is bigger than the other guy's you proved your manliness by fucking each other in the ass and proclaiming your dislike of it.
Next time you write something that I don't care for (which probably will be soon) I'll keep in mind the fact that you are undoubtedly the coolest individual to ever grace the front page of Ubersite, and still not give a shit. Run along now and get your mom to drive you to work, those curly fries aren't going to cook themselves, chief.
===========================================
Didn't say it didn't appeal to me, just saying that if you are going to fabricate a tale then go big or go home. If this shit is true then I am guessing you went to a mormon school in Utah. You said he was the biggest and baddest of the bullies so unless you sewed a brick up inside that cat then you probably didn't drop him with a shot to the face.
When I was a freshman there was a real bully, Aaron Cameron (http://justice.dentoncounty.com/ISAPI/TSGProxy.dll/dentonco/WEBSERV/3007735/PERSONS/1019081), I played football with him and saw him bench close to 450lbs. One day in the hallway I watched him get ISS for chewing tobacco in school. He then spit on the principals foot, got expelled, and proceeded to rip a waterfountain of the wall and throw it at the principal. He was a real bully, cat-slap someone like him and he would have skull-fucked you in half.
You said yourself that you were usually on the receiving end of the ass-kickery so I doubt you could have handled the leader of the bullies mano-y-mano, that is why you joined the army, you wanted to try and prove that you didn't have to be bullied your whole life.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-08-05 15:07:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're alright in Shlongy's book, Donkey.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2008-08-05 14:54:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you had gone to my school, you would have just gotten stabbed
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2008-08-05 14:51:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shennanninnanannigans but still funny
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-08-05 14:25:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd call shenanigans, but the line you used after cat-smacking him is too much like something you'd actually say for disbelief.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2008-08-05 14:10:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"A motherfucker can't swing a dead cat without hitting a faggot around here!"
This would also be true if there were a gay bar inside of the pound.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2008-08-05 13:11:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Marry me, you fag.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-08-05 13:10:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Serious pwnage, below.
Cool story.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-08-05 12:27:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-08-05 10:21:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That is the best you could do? Hit him with a dead cat? I don't believe a fucking second of this, he had to been the biggest pussy in the school to not crush your ass. I have seen a half-ass bully like this though, he was like the tough guy out of the fucking weird, nerd crowd and while all the other nerds were afraid of him no one else would take his shit. Way to go, you hit a nerd with self esteem problems with a dead cat and undoubtedly ruined his Stone Cold Steve Austin WWF shirt.
________________________________________________________________________
Sorry my little tale didn't appeal to you, Mr. Sandwich. I didn't realize that we all lived in a carbon copy world where everyone has the same personalities and stereotypes. I also apologize for not getting my "ass crushed." I can handel myself one on one, so I doubt that I would have gotten "crushed" by a 16 year old jock. Besides the fact I doubt any high school bully would "cat face head butt" anyone, let alone have the composure to act anything but absofuckinglutley stunned. I'm sure in your super tough guy tough school where everyone's penis is bigger than the other guy's you proved your manliness by fucking each other in the ass and proclaiming your dislike of it.
Next time you write something that I don't care for (which probably will be soon) I'll keep in mind the fact that you are undoubtedly the coolest individual to ever grace the front page of Ubersite, and still not give a shit. Run along now and get your mom to drive you to work, those curly fries aren't going to cook themselves, chief.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2008-08-05 12:20:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't get me wrong, I wasn't a pussy. Every punch or shove I was on the receiving end of was reciprocated but I usually ended up with a nice ass beating.
-----
Was that deliberate?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-08-05 11:50:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-08-05 16:06:45 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
funny story, but i don't buy it.
in my school the biggest bullies stabbed you.
well, okay, that only happened four or five times while i was there, but still...
----------------------------------------
Alot can happen in three years, then.
:)
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2008-08-05 11:34:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I assume chump wasn't north korean...otherwise, he would be used to the delicacy of raw cat
mmmmm thats good stereotyping
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-08-05 11:09:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-08-05 11:05:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-08-05 11:00:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The bullies i knew in highschool weren't the "coward if you punch them" bullies. they were the kind that would cut your cat's head off for messing with them
================================================================
The coward if you punch them bullies only exist in movies. Any self-respecting bully would have snapped the bridge of his assaulter's nose with a cat-faced headbutt.
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no the coward if you punch them bullies are the ones that hit girls.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-08-05 11:06:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny story, but i don't buy it.
in my school the biggest bullies stabbed you.
well, okay, that only happened four or five times while i was there, but still...
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-08-05 11:05:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-08-05 11:00:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The bullies i knew in highschool weren't the "coward if you punch them" bullies. they were the kind that would cut your cat's head off for messing with them
================================================================
The coward if you punch them bullies only exist in movies. Any self-respecting bully would have snapped the bridge of his assaulter's nose with a cat-faced headbutt.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-08-05 11:00:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The bullies i knew in highschool weren't the "coward if you punch them" bullies. they were the kind that would cut your cat's head off for messing with them
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-08-05 10:52:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome.
wish at least one pin was accidently left in though. or maybe had a rib jab his eye.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-08-05 10:26:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ungh.
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-08-05 10:21:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That is the best you could do? Hit him with a dead cat? I don't believe a fucking second of this, he had to been the biggest pussy in the school to not crush your ass. I have seen a half-ass bully like this though, he was like the tough guy out of the fucking weird, nerd crowd and while all the other nerds were afraid of him no one else would take his shit. Way to go, you hit a nerd with self esteem problems with a dead cat and undoubtedly ruined his Stone Cold Steve Austin WWF shirt.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-08-05 10:07:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Way to live the dream.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-08-05 09:44:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2008-08-05 09:41:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like your high school experience matches my middle experience pretty well.
-----------------------
Find someone with a horrible elementary school experience and you guys can team up to make the most depressing coming of age story imaginable.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2008-08-05 09:41:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like your high school experience matches my middle experience pretty well.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-08-05 09:39:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-08-05 09:08:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-08-04 23:35:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Total fiction. But I liked it.
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You obviously do not know my husband.
-----------------
I know bullshit. The only thing missing is the coolest girl in school stepping over the sobbing bully to ask him to the prom.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-08-05 09:29:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But you wouldnt say no....
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-08-05 09:28:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Donkey - I absolutely positively must meet you. And that is not some euphemism for buttsecks.
Submitted by Gay (user info) at 2008-08-05 09:17:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ooo la la :)
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-08-05 09:08:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-08-04 23:35:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Total fiction. But I liked it.
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You obviously do not know my husband.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-08-05 08:50:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2008-08-05 08:23:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
while we're at it, I think this should be a B@W nominee. It's been a while since a post has made me laugh like this one.
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2008-08-05 08:22:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your high school bio curriculum sounds very similar to our Canadian one.
Anyway, I fucked loved that story.
Similarly, when we had to dissect the cat, I threw the skin/fur at the model bitch in our class.
You know, those girls in high school who model at bridal shows and think they're hot shit?
I dated her a few weeks after the incident. High school is funny.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-08-05 07:32:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-08-05 07:14:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2008-08-05 07:02:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2008-08-04 23:13:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Probably the only time a pussy in his face was a bad thing
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Probably the only time a pussy in his face EVAR
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-08-05 05:41:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lol
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-08-05 05:32:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
isn't that new verve song good.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2008-08-05 05:31:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good times
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-08-05 05:16:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Didn't happen. Doesn't matter, though - still a good read.
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2008-08-05 04:32:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The same exact thing happened to me just yesterday.
Except Chump was my thumb and the dissected cat was
a solid steel door.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-08-05 04:31:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is what Uber is all about.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-08-05 04:16:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd have preffered to have read a story about how you engineered a life threatening situation so that you could save the bullies life and befriend him, and also about how it all went horribly wrong.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-08-05 04:00:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"A motherfucker can't swing a dead cat without hitting a faggot around here!"
that
is
fucking
fantastic!
oh, and im sorry for pushing you around your locker.
i felt for you when your scrawny ass hit the floor
but, you know, the guys and all....
Submitted by iambetteratit (user info) at 2008-08-05 01:46:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
for a minute i thought you were going columbine on this one
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-08-05 01:35:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this should be made into a feature film
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2008-08-05 01:35:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-08-05 01:17:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good uber post above.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-08-05 00:56:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2008-08-04 20:13:02 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Probably the only time a pussy in his face was a bad thing
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-08-04 23:35:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Total fiction. But I liked it.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-08-04 23:20:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking awesome.
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2008-08-04 23:13:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Probably the only time a pussy in his face was a bad thing
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2008-08-04 23:12:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love stories like this. I had to stop reading it a few times to do work stuff, which I found irritating - but this was a wonderful post.
Submitted by SilentRenegade (user info) at 2008-08-04 23:02:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking cool...