Like the Calligula Orgy... only with Peanuts Characters. Not Safe for Anyone. (1111 hits)
Category: SportsRating: 1.33 on 41 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by icarus (View user info) at 2008-10-14 11:16:50 EDT
As requested here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/119266
We all know the story of the first Halloween. How Hallmark founded it because hairy gay men had too many salty Nut Goody Bars, and there were copious amounts of nubile young boys to give them to. That is why Hallmark and Halloween start with the same four letters, and why the crotchlings say TRICK or treat, "trick" being used in the hooker context.
What most people don't know were the sacrifices made by one Linus Van Pelt that allowed all children everywhere (even those with receding hairlines) to get not only Nut Goody Bars, but also Tick Tacks and Little Debbie Bars and also dental floss and bricks.
"Are you sure we're going to see the Great Pumpkin this time?" Linus asked suspiciously. "Last time you left me in a Turkish Bathhouse. I still haven't wiped all the AIDS out of my butt crack."
"Trust me," Snoopy said with a sly grin. "That was just a test to prove that you are worthy to be among those who have seen 'The Great Pumpkin'. This time you will see 'The Great Pumpkin' foh realz, yo."
"Um, why did you just use quotes?"
"Huh?"
"Single quotes. Just then. I saw you."
"Let's go."
"You used them twice."
They were walking out in the farmer's field behind the Little Redheaded Girl's house when Snoopy picked up the conversation. "Do you like fish tacos, son?"
"Sure, who doesn't?"
Snoopy nodded thoughtfully.
"My sister Lucy feeds me fish tacos every night." Linus went on.
"Really?"
"Sure, she smears her own special sauce on them, then has me go to town."
"Kinky."
"I go to town to pick up salsa verde. She always forgets that."
"Oh yeah! Almost there..."
"Wha?"
"Um, we're almost there. To 'The Great Pumpkin'."
And there it was in all its glory. The Great Pumpkin. Bobbing up and down between the Brussle Sprouts. Bobbing and throbbing. Bobbing and Schlobbing. It also had a tail. And was attached to Spike's legs by way of his back.
"He was helping me with my plumbing problem." Peppermint Patty insisted, sitting up and sliding her flip-flops back on. "I needed a clog snaked out of my drain."
"I was adjusting her lift pump." Said Schroeder.
"I was clearing her outlet baffle." Said the token black kid who doesn't really have a name.
"I was getting a fork out of her garbage disposal." Said Marci.
"I was serving tea and cake." Said Mr. Belvedeere.
And then they had sex. Someone later insisted a horse was involved, but it wasn't on the DVD.
User Reviews
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-10-16 18:20:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shoot me an e-mail sometime.
notyourpie.at.hotmail.com
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-10-16 16:19:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, it would. Especially with the addition of leggings and a sash!
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-16 16:14:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Back in the 1800's macho men wore powdered wigs and tricornered hats and funny coats. This would make us look most impressive and manly whilst hammering small children into the ground.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-10-16 15:46:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Being percieved as manly is the most important part of this.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-16 14:50:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I can scream like a girl so at least we'll be manly child-hammerers.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-10-16 14:14:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm in, but we have to use code names so nobody can pin the crimes on us.
You can be pumpernickle, and I'll be retardando.
You have to say my name with a French accent or it will sound like you are calling me a retard, which would make me cry.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-16 13:56:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
There's this kid who lives a few houses down. Let's REALLY give him something to cry about.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-10-16 11:54:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have to be honest; that wife you sold me has let us all down. Did you know it was Bubbles birthday yesterday? It was. Did she make a cake or anything? No. She didn't even show up to the party! Did you know that monkeys throw poop when they get upset?! It was everywhere!
But seriously, what's the story here? I'm gonna go hit things with hammers!
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-16 11:01:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I haven't seen a single cookie in like a year from her.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-16 11:00:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know, that wife I sold you is being awfully deficient in the cookie department.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-16 10:57:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-10-16 10:27:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-16 10:10:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-10-15 22:32:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-15 22:06:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-10-15 21:49:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Y HALO THAR
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WAZZA?
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SEW BOARD
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MEE TEW
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YOO WANT COOKEES?
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DU BEHRS PI EN DA WUDS?
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-10-16 10:27:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-16 10:10:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-10-15 22:32:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-15 22:06:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-10-15 21:49:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Y HALO THAR
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WAZZA?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SEW BOARD
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MEE TEW
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
YOO WANT COOKEES?
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-16 10:10:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-10-15 22:32:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-15 22:06:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-10-15 21:49:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Y HALO THAR
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WAZZA?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SEW BOARD
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MEE TEW
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-10-16 03:43:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
token black kid.
thats good
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-10-15 22:32:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-15 22:06:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-10-15 21:49:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Y HALO THAR
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WAZZA?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SEW BOARD
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-15 22:06:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-10-15 21:49:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Y HALO THAR
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WAZZA?
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-10-15 21:49:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Y HALO THAR
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2008-10-15 17:18:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-10-15 14:53:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Otter (user info) at 2008-10-14 21:52:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Masquerade, masquerade
Grab your mask and don't be late
Get out!
get out!
well disguised
Heat and fever in the air tonight
Meet the others at the store,
Knock on other people's door
Trick or treat they have the choice,
Little ghosts are makin lotsa noise
But watch out. . .beware--listen. . .take care
In the streets on halloween
There's something going on
No way to escape the power unknown
In the streets on halloween
The spirits will arise
Make your choice, its hell or paradise
Ah--its halloween
Ah--its halloween. . .tonight!
Someones sitting in a field,
Never giving yield
Sitting there with gleaming eyes,
Waiting for Great Pumpkin to arise
Bad luck if you get a stone,
Like the good old Charlie Brown
You think linus could be right
The kids will say its just a stupid lie
But watch out. . .beware--listen. . .take care
In the streets on halloween
There's something going on
No way to escape the power unknown
In the streets on halloween
The spirits will arise
Make your choice, its hell or paradise
Ah--its halloween
Ah--its halloween. . .tonight!
Listen, now--we are calling you. . .
Listen, now--we are calling you...
Listen, now--we are calling you...
Listen, tonight!--we are calling you
And there is magic in the air
Magic in the air. . .on halloween
Black is the night full of fright
You'll be missing the day
What will be here very soon
Changing your way
A knock at your door
Is it real or is it a dream
On trembling legs you open the door
And you scream. . . .on halloween
Darkness
Where am I now?
Is there anybody out there?
What has happened?
Am I in Heaven?
Or is it Hell?
I can see a light comin'
Its comin' nearer
Its shining
Its shining so bright
Its shining on me
I am the one, dooms in my hands
Now make your choice,
Redeemed or enslaved
"I'll show you passion and glory"
He is the snake
"I'll give you power and abundance"
He's the corrupter of man
Save me from the evil one
Give me strength to carry on
I will fight for all mankind
Deliverance and peace of mind
But watch out. . .beware--listen. . .take care
In the streets on halloween
There's something going on
No way to escape the power unknown
In the streets on halloween
The spirits will arise
Make your choice, its hell or paradise
Ah--its halloween
Ah--its halloween. . .tonight!
Yeah, its halloween
Yeah, its halloween. . .tonight
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-14 21:15:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Neither did I. Fucking site. Fuck everything.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-10-14 20:31:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know what I hate about Uber?
I'm actually expected to READ on this site. Fucking A.
I didn't read this.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-10-14 20:28:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-10-14 15:04:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hooray for Peanuts!!
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2008-10-14 14:39:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-10-14 14:21:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lolwut?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-10-14 13:29:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
eees Funny, yes.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-10-14 13:00:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
halloweeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-14 12:47:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Or just get off my post, you filthy mudblood redneck peasant.
Submitted by weather (user info) at 2008-10-14 12:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It was a suggestion and observation, not an invite for you to get your panties in a twist because I didn't rate it what you thought it should have been rated.
No comment, next time.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-14 12:35:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes. Because your track record clearly shows that you would know funny.
Submitted by weather (user info) at 2008-10-14 12:31:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This would've funny if it had been in comic strip form. That and using a "Family Circus" cartoon at the end kind of ruined it.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-14 12:26:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think you made that one up. It was on my PC next to the one with Billy contemplating sexual things about a sheep.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2008-10-14 12:26:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I still haven't wiped all the AIDS out of my buttcrack." Brilliance. Gold. Fluffernutter. I also love the inclusion of the naughty Family Circus.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-10-14 11:40:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-10-14 11:37:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*ejaculates*
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-10-14 11:31:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For some sad reason, I liked this.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-10-14 11:29:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-14 16:22:45 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
HE IS??!
Who's iddq?
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Don't ask me. I know nothing.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-10-14 11:23:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-14 11:22:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HE IS??!
Who's iddq?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-10-14 11:21:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-14 13:36:48 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-10-13 19:37:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-13 12:57:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That part got a little "blue". :-( It was like the orgy scene in Caligula, only with Peanuts characters. Not appropriate even for Uber.
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I demand that you post this.
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You're the boss!
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Whoa! Sandy is Bart?
Also, would it offend you to know, I confuse you with iddqd?