the return of FRANK (360 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.12 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by shandythetopdog (View user info) at 2008-10-28 21:37:34 EDT
FX: AEROPLANES HELICOPTERS THUNDERING HORSES HOOVES SLEIGH BELLS MARCHING BANDS TRAINS E.T.C.
MAN 1 Look, there's FRANK.
MAN 2 Whaddya know, it's FRANK. Come and sit down FRANK.
What's the matter FRANK you don't look well FRANK hows about we play a little game cheer you up FRANK hows about charades FRANK you go first FRANK you know the rules FRANK you know all the special gestures what's wrong FRANK have this drink then we'll play a quick game have you thought of a word FRANK?
MAN 1 O.K.... three words, first word, two is that two syllables FRANK, steady those fingers will ya FRANK, whadya shaking for FRANK just a little game of charades FRANK, youre the best at charades, we used to play it all the time, you remember FRANK... o.k two syllables. First syllable... sounds like...cow? No. Horse? No
MAN 2 sheep?
MAN 1 dog? DOG O.K O.K let's go FRANK. Sounds like dog
MAN 2 wog hog bog sog cog log jog yog rog nog mog zog vogpog hey FRANK whassa matta FRANK don't get upset FRANK just kiddin' around FRANK FRANK don't you remember the old days FRANK the good old days FRANK what happened to you FRANK?
MAN 1 fog?
MAN 2 easy FRANK take it easy FRANK. FRANK, take it easy FRANK
MAN 1 here ya go FRANK have a toke on this joint FRANK what's wrong FRANK this is good shit FRANK
MAN 2 you shouldn't refuse dope FRANK you never used to refuse dope before FRANK
MAN 1 fog? Is that it FRANK is that the first syllable is fog the first syllable FRANK?
MAN 2 maybe FRANK had a bad experience. Did you have a bad experience FRANK? I think maybe FRANK had a bad experience. Girl trouble FRANK? Money trouble FRANK? I think maybe FRANK had girl trouble or money trouble
MAN 1 hey FRANK have you been doing wrong things to mummy's nice little daughter FRANK? I think maybe FRANK'S been doing wrong things to mummy's nice little daughter
MAN 2 second syllable. O.K. FRANK that's the way youre doing well FRANK. Let's see now...
MAN 1 I think I might give FRANK'S pappy a call
MAN 2 lets see now...
MAN 1 Hey FRANK, what's your pappy's number FRANK?
FRANK I was lying, floating, my wet body relaxed...
(FEMALE VOICE)
MAN 2 Hey FRANK don't change the subject FRANK tell me his...
FRANK drifting, allowing the currents and the gentle surge of each wave to carry me like a baby; or a corpse. Small fish hovered close, unafraid and perhaps even curious. Seaweed swayed with the ocean's hypnotic rythms. Seascapes of valleys and mountains passed beneath me. My breath in the yellow snorkel at my ear was calm and regular, the only sound I heard. I closed my eyes.
In the warm darkness a vast presence; falling, falling deeper, asleep.
I bobbed my head out above the surface and lifted my goggles, treading water. I smiled at the steep headland, feeling enough space to embrace it or play with it like a child. I clambered onto the rocks a little giddily, pulled off my shiny black flippers and stepped slowly and easily amoungst the warm stone, back to the beach, without a thought in my mind.
FX: EXAGERATED FIT OF EMBARRASSED COUGHING
MAN 1 Well gee FRANK...how long did you say you were staying for FRANK? You see we're kind of busy FRANK
MAN 2 pull yourself together FRANK back to the game FRANK there's a funny smell around here FRANK you didn't have some kind of accident did you FRANK? Some embarrasing kind of accident FRANK. It smells kind of funny FRANK
MAN 1 fog, FRANK. Fog FRANK. The first sylabble, FRANK, is fog. Am I right, FRANK?
FX DUBIOUS SPLATTERING NOISES AND SCREAMING AMBULANCE SIRENS
FRANK I knew something was wrong even from a hundred yards away. I ran to her. She was on her towel in the foetal position. Her body was ridgid, her hands like claws curled around her shins. I lay next to her and slowly enveloped her. Finally she began to sob, and I sighed with relief.
DAUGHTER Mummy, mummy, they came and took SPOT away. He was playing that game with a girl dog mummy, that special game mummy, and they caught them in a big net and gave them needles and and they carried him into the ambulance and and they said he was a naughty dog mummy and mummy mummy they said to me they said they hoped it wasn't my dog mummy and they had the needles and I could smell them and they were laughing and I...I...I said he wasn't my dog. I looked away over there and stared away over there so I couldn't see them and sat very still and didn't move then I looked back and they were gone.
FX BURST OF PATHOS INDUCING VIOLIN
MAN 2 Now look here little missy that's not in the rules little missy I think you're getting a bit too big for you're boots little missy I think maybe that FRANK hasn't done what a mammy should little missy I think maybe that FRANK hasn't done what a mummy should little missy I think maybe FRANK isn't fit to be a mammy just now little missy I heard about how them folks were trying to sneak tins of PAL into the doggie prison by sticking the tins of PAL up their arses little missy I heard how FRANK was one of them folks little missy what's youre pappy's phone number little missy?
MAN 1 you know what your pappy always used to say to me little missy? He used to always say to me being original ain't enough and chaos aint enough do you know what chaos is little missy? What's that pappy's of yours number little missy?
MAN 2 let me tell you a little story little missy
MAN 1 let me tell you a little story little missy
MAN 2 let me tell you a little story little missy
MAN 1 don't get upset little missy
MAN 2 don't get upset little missy
MAN 1 SPOT that SPOT that SPOT that SPOT he'll be OK little missy
MAN 2 I was in love once too little missy. All I wanted to do was look into her eyes little missy, and hold her little hand little missy but I was scared little missy and even when we listened to the music together and walked by the lake together and sat under the tree together little missy I was too scared to hold her hand or to kiss her little missy and I was too scared to look into her eyes for very long if we weren't talking little missy if we were just being silent little missy and once I touched her sneakily on the bottom little missy because that's what you do little missy but you see little missy you're not supposed to be scared little missy
MAN 1 but I suppose that doesn't really apply to you and SPOT does it little missy but you see little missy SPOT and that girl dog well SPOT and that girl dog well SPOT and that girl dog little missy well, SPOT and that girl dog little missy well SPOT and that girl dog little missy
MAN 2 well you see little missy the name for a girl dog is a bitch little missy a bitch little missy a bitch you see little missy a bitch a bitch a bitch little missy a bitch
MAN 1 but that doesnt help you with your problem little missy now don't get upset little missy
MAN 2 and SPOT'S friend the bitch little missy well SPOT's friend the bitch was on heat little missy on heat little missy on heat little missy on heat on heat on heat on heat little missy on heat
MAN 1 and so you see little missy now don't get upset little missy and so you see little missy because SPOT and his friend the bitch little missy because they didn't hold hands or read poetry little missy and because they didn't go to the movies together little missy and because we can't really be sure what they were thinking little missy because you see little missy the animals speak in languages we can't understand little missy and then there's the situation with the apple little missy and the shiny red apple little missy and the shiny little red apple little missy that shiny little red apple of yours little missy that shiny little red apple
MAN 2 and you see little missy when a bitch is on heat little missy on heat little missy I repeat little missy on heat little missy well there's a special smell little missy do you know the smell I mean little missy well you shouldn't little missy I mean couldn't little missy because you aren't old enough I mean because you're not a bitch little missy I mean a dog little missy what I mean to say little missy is that shiny little red apple of yours little missy what I mean to say little missy is that you wouldn't be able to smell that special smell that comes from the bitch on heat little missy the bitch on heat little missy because you're not a dog little missy that is you're not a member of the animal kingdom little missy that is well in a sense you are little missy but that particular part little missy
MAN 1 at the hotdog stand little missy with that special smell all over my fingers little missy and in my beard little missy at three in the morning little missy and even the hotdog smell isn't as strong as the special smell little missy
MAN 2 so you see little missy in the special doggie now don't get upset little missy in the special doggie hospital that's a good little girl little missy in the special goggie hospital little missy I mean doggie hospital little missy in the special doggie hospital there's only one smell little missy and that's a very clean smell little missy a very good smell little missy a very good clean smell little missy
MAN 1 on my fingers and beard little missy
MAN 2 you're pappy used to always say little missy he used to always say it aint no good turning the soil over an' mixin' it roun' ifn yer don' allow a coherant and ordered organism, such as a tomato, to grow
MAN 1 that's right FRANK have you got that through to this little daughter of yours FRANK I have my doubts FRANK look at that shiny red apple she's got FRANK had you noticed that FRANK I bet you have FRANK that shiny little red apple FRANK
MAN 2 now FRANK. Don't get upset FRANK what's wrong FRANK FRANK
MAN 1 fog FRANK little missy funny smell under the tree FRANK little missy funny smell the hypnotic rythms of the ocean under the tree the needles FRANK.
FRANK Papppy's dead, little missy.
MAN 2 That's right little missy that's true little missy that's correct little missy and so you see little missy
MAN 1 and so you see little missy
MAN 2 and so you see little missy
MAN 1 and so you see little missy that pappy well pappy well pappy well pappy
MAN 2 no more sex differentation little missy
MAN 1 no more sex differenation little missy
MAN 2 dead little missy you see little missy no more sex differentation little missy dead. Little missy.
FX: OFF: DOG BARKING. FAINT AT FIRST GROWING LOUDER. THEN JOYFULL YELPING AND SLURPING ON MIKE.
*** Conversion terminated at this point (TRIAL version of software).
User Reviews
Submitted by angrydrunk86 (user info) at 2008-10-30 21:33:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i couldn't even get through the story im tired of seeing the name FRANK.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-10-29 07:04:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ace
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-10-29 06:49:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Shite
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-10-29 04:23:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Falafel (user info) at 2008-10-28 23:28:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jesus christ.. *head explodes in a rain of meaty chunks*
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-10-28 22:25:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Too long...but interesting anyway.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-28 22:19:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're returning this? I hope you kept your reciept.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-10-28 22:13:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Pappy" 10 instances.
"Missy" 112 instances.
"Frank" 88 instances.
"On Heat" 13 instances.
Misspelled words 14 instances.
Shandy's User No. 2914
PI 3.14159
10*112*88*13*14/2914/PI = 1959.4447825855673242658079601016, or June 11, 1959, 10:57:50.9 AM, which is 785 days before Barack Obama is born.
Obama is 47 years old
Biden is 65 years old
A majority of a witches' coven is 7
785-47-65-7 = 666, the number of the Beast!
COINCIDENCE?! You tell me.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-10-28 21:45:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
btw, did i mention earlier that manly won the grand final by 40 POINTS TO NIL????
the greatest margin in the 100 year history of the most brutal rubgy league competition to have ever existed?
DID I MENTION THAT????
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-10-28 21:41:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"in this context, and possibly as a result of sharing my house with a bitch (female dog) on heat, I.."
FRANK is rather excruciating, but i couldn't hlep noticing the reference to bitches on heat, which appear yet again in the quote above, from a week or two ago.
i wonder if it is a good or a bad thing that these themes recurr over intervals of decades