Nobody's Perfect (1225 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.94 on 77 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by corinne (View user info) at 2010-02-08 16:12:41 EST
He's 38, good looking, nice dark brown hair, pretty brown eyes, looks to take good care of himself. He's a financial advisor, loves dogs and kids, never married.
The night he got my number I was pretty excited about meeting suck an awesome guy. He seemed quiet, but had a good sense of humor. The only negative I got from our first chat was that he's a self proclaimed "Ultra conservative Republican". Oh well, nobody's perfect.
He stopped by the other night, as I was on my way out the door to go out with some of my friends. He says, "oh, I guess it's good for girls to have girl night once in a while..." but the way he said it made me feel like he meant exactly the opposite.
Nobodys perfect.
A few nights later he came by again.
I get one text message and he scoffs, "What, are you going to be on the phone all night or what??". I apologize. One of my girl friends unexpectedly stops by, stays for ten minutes. After she leaves he sighs and asks if I always have to have people over. He says that the night he got my number he also got another chicks number. He explains how he saw her and thought she looked cool, so he followed her out to her car, knocked on her window and asked for her number.
He asks if I get high, and I say once in a while, when my sons with his grandma and I have nothing better to do, sure. "Oh, I don't want the mother of my children smoking".
Shortly thereafter he asks about our "relationship". How do I feel about him? Will we be intimate? Am I his girlfriend? How long before I typically move in with a boyfriend?
"Oh, can you run to the store for more beer?" he asks, before I can respond to any of his questions.
As I'm at the store I wonder how the hell I'm going to get him out of my house.
When I get home with the beer he's sprawled out on my couch, watching a movie. I put the beer in the fridge and say something along the lines of how late it is and maybe he should go.
"Oh." He's pissed.
"Sorry."
"Well can I at least... take a few beers with me?"
"Um, ok?"
He shakes my hand, opens my fridge, and walks out with the entire twelve pack.
User Reviews
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2010-02-11 19:13:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Dodge him and stick with me sugar, I look out for my wimmens!
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2010-02-10 07:46:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hey procon, i hate women too, but dont worry.... you just have to treat them like shit. they love that.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2010-02-09 21:47:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by skitty (user info) at 2010-02-09 01:24:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
wtf happened to ubersite
~~~
it's having it's period
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2010-02-09 18:46:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You are a walking door-mat. iddqd pretty much summed it up.
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2010-02-09 18:25:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Procon (user info) at 2010-02-09 12:08:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You know, I'm always amazed at how the opposite sex reacts to one another. And by that I mean how women say things like, "fucking men," when they don't like the behavior of someone they've dated.
There are more than a few women I could say, "fucking women" about, but I don't. You know what I do? I don't date anyone. Fuck it. Too much hassle. Women have fucked me over so many times now that I don't even want to talk to most of them. Female "superiors," have come in and ruined my shit. Ex wife TOTALLY raped me in the divorce.
I'm sick of women and don't even really wanna fuck em' anymore.
So...I just jerk off a lot.
=====
I think Simon loves you and wants you. . .
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2010-02-09 18:03:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It must be lonely standing on the tarmac of life waiting for a special baggage-handler to load you in and finding only Piper Cubs with no pilots.
<a future country-western song>
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2010-02-09 16:34:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I know, I can't believe I went to the store. What a chump I am.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2010-02-09 15:05:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OH CORRINE......
these train-wreck posts are entertaining, I'm just sorry that have to be your life.
Submitted by tech-junkie (user info) at 2010-02-09 13:51:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wish I was that cool. Your really know how to pick them.
Now seriously, you need to tell this guy to get the hell out of your life and file a restaining order if he ever gets near you again.
Submitted by Procon (user info) at 2010-02-09 12:15:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I mean, if you have any doubt as to how much women can suck, just look at Sarah Palin.
Submitted by Procon (user info) at 2010-02-09 12:08:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You know, I'm always amazed at how the opposite sex reacts to one another. And by that I mean how women say things like, "fucking men," when they don't like the behavior of someone they've dated.
There are more than a few women I could say, "fucking women" about, but I don't. You know what I do? I don't date anyone. Fuck it. Too much hassle. Women have fucked me over so many times now that I don't even want to talk to most of them. Female "superiors," have come in and ruined my shit. Ex wife TOTALLY raped me in the divorce.
I'm sick of women and don't even really wanna fuck em' anymore.
So...I just jerk off a lot.
Submitted by tiaprae (user info) at 2010-02-09 11:06:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
At least he didn't wait to be a dick, saved you some time.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2010-02-09 10:59:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, can you run to the store for more beer?" he asks, before I can respond to any of his questions.
As I'm at the store.....
~~~~
This bit made me smile...
You actually WENT to the store?
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2010-02-09 10:44:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He sounds absolutely perfect. What's the ploblem?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2010-02-09 06:33:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
iddqd, I didn't keep giving him more chances. The first time we met we talked for about five minutes, enough to say hi, lets get together sometime, bye.
The second time we talked he stopped by for about ten minutes at which time he seemed perfectly normal, except for the "girls night" comment.
The third time he came over was when I got to talk to him for the first time, at which point I thought, UGH.
Submitted by imreadingleavemealone (user info) at 2010-02-09 02:11:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
God, this was horrible. Smite it.
Submitted by ridiculous (user info) at 2010-02-09 01:30:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not withstanding all below (some very valid points, and a few fucking trolls) I would say it sounds like you dodged a bullet, sounds like he was a anal retentive douche bag and it also sounds like you sized him up and got rid of his ass before you made any significant errors (i.e. sleeping with him)all for the low low price of steam cleaning your couch and a 12 pack of beer.
Submitted by skitty (user info) at 2010-02-09 01:24:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
wtf happened to ubersite
Submitted by TheJesusStrangler (user info) at 2010-02-08 22:56:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No offense but why in the motherfucking hell would I give a shit about any of this? I think I may have come to the wrong place again, goddammit.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2010-02-08 22:49:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Even Shlongy would have to "draw the line" on seeing this hole.
Because Shlongy doesn't like to be 3,413th in line.
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2010-02-08 21:49:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Control freaks don't improve with age like wine and cheeze...
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2010-02-08 21:43:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy has made that hole request about 3,422 times, but who's counting?
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2010-02-08 21:41:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
or you could just post your number here... and im sure shlongly would want you to show him your hole.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2010-02-08 21:40:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can tell you right now he will NOT like it. Nor will he respond positively.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2010-02-08 21:32:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Give him one last chance...only to test my theory.
When he gets up on his high horse, throw his shit right back at him. THAT'S when his true personality will show. Don't go out of your way for him, and see if he accepts you for you, rather than accepting the fact that you bend over backwards to make him happy.
If he asks you to go get beer, say "mmmmmno" with a smile.
If he starts talking about other girls, ask him why he isn't with them.
Etc.
Be assertive/cocky, but don't cross over the line into bitchy, and then gage his reaction and make your call whether or not he's worth it.
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2010-02-08 21:11:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
FUCK!! I HATE agreeing with iddqd! But he's probably right.
Hey Saccy: How's the weather in PA?
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2010-02-08 21:08:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
having thought about this some more, YOURE the idiot.
the dude has been nothing but forthright, and you still kept giving him chances. i suppose if he hit you, youd have thought, no - hes right it was my fault, i shouldnt have been so lippy. (though that is true - no woman should be lippy, as black eyes are unbecoming)
but no, you saw "38, good looking, nice dark brown hair, pretty brown eyes, looks to take good care of himself. He's a financial advisor, loves dogs and kids' and somehow STILL never married. BAM JACKPOT". not 'hmm, wonder why this guy is still swimming around - this looks a bit too good to be true', and then seeing why hes been thrown back into the ocean when he says 'ULTRA CONSERVATIVE' you still stuck around. you saw some dollar signs and an easier lifestyle for yourself and the child and allowed yourself to be sent forth to fetch beer when you KNEW he was a dick.
this is all self-inflicted.
and just like hangovers, no sympathy for self-inflicted injuries.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2010-02-08 20:46:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NO HUGGING, NO LEARNING
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2010-02-08 20:40:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm sure it's been said before but
"Oh, can you run to the store for more beer?" he asks, before I can respond to any of his questions.
You actually went?
I mean being a gracious host is one thing, but who the fuck is he to come to YOUR house and then ask YOU to go out for beer? Even without all the creepy stalky giving you the third degree after what at least sounds like only a few meetings, that right there makes him a complete douchebag.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2010-02-08 20:40:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Haha, that motherfucker sucks. I'm sorry.
Although "Ultra conservative Republican" would have sent me running and screaming...I'm surprised it didn't do that for you.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2010-02-08 20:31:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2010-02-08 17:03:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah I left him alone at my house...? I have nothing to steal.
-----
He's making soup with your panties as we speak.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2010-02-08 20:28:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2010-02-08 20:06:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
damn, sounds like that guy is giving us ultra conservative republicans a bad name.
---
Listen you little turd - you don't get to be all self deprecating and amusing.
Stick to being stupid and unlikable, k?
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2010-02-08 20:06:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
damn, sounds like that guy is giving us ultra conservative republicans a bad name.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2010-02-08 19:55:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Jesus Christ...you sure can pick 'em.
I think it's time to re-evaluate...everything.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2010-02-08 19:33:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Really should be "pobody's nerfect." Everyone knows that you're supposed to transpose the letters for comedic effect.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2010-02-08 19:10:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
idve taken the 12-pack too. you hook up with a single mum and she DOESNT put out - fuck that, im at least walking away with SOMETHING.
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2010-02-08 19:06:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
my he's a keeper... such charm and rapier wit
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2010-02-08 19:04:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
So you let a shallow, jealous, petty, republican douchebag steal your beer?
Dude.
The worst part is you might actually think that isn't entirely your own damn fault.
Smarten up, hoser.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2010-02-08 18:35:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You... actually went to the store and got him beer?
Just checking that I didn't misread, because I can't quite get over that.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2010-02-08 18:15:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2010-02-08 17:21:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm going to key west in a few weeks, maybe I'll meet a fine man down there.
-----
You'll have so much in common! Beaches, seafood, big cocks inside you, rum drinks, dancing.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2010-02-08 17:45:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate when sico makes me lol. Even when he's not extrodinarily funny.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2010-02-08 17:44:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate your fucking guts, slut!
*i just like to hold the enter button down for an extended period of time.
I don't hate you.
Submitted by GroundHorse (user info) at 2010-02-08 17:40:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The SCK line Mark/Space times were okay but it looked a bit sad with a slow rise time but a rapid fall time. So I initially tried to improve the rise
time with a pull-up. No change ie still could not identify chip. I was about to add some buffers when I came across an Atmel app note for their serial programmer "During this first phase of the programming cycle, keeping the SCK line free from pulses is critical, as pulses will cause the target AVR to loose synchronization with the programmer. When synchronization is lost, the only means of regaining synchronization is to release the RESET line for more than 100ms."
Teh voices in my head are inconclusive concerning your last inquiry.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2010-02-08 17:39:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think the whole rating vs posting phenomena is interesting. Like sico +2s me and calls me a cunt, so I'm happy, but if he -2ed me and said "you're awesome" I'd be pissed. And I dont care about ratings, I'm just saying that it's easy to put your intent behind your review via the rating system.
+2s all around!
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2010-02-08 17:37:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
gh, a 1/2 watt or 1/4 watt?
Icarus, thank you thank you. You remind me of scourge.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2010-02-08 17:36:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like a you problem. All he wanted was a few beers and you were just a cunt.
Okie, so perhaps he was advancing a bit quick but what did you expect with a guy his age?
Still.
Cunt!
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2010-02-08 17:35:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2010-02-08 17:27:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm gonna duct tape all your vaginas shut.
Has to be the best line on uber. Ever.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2010-02-08 17:33:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
iddqd, I was hoping you'd show up here and put me in my place. :-|
Submitted by GroundHorse (user info) at 2010-02-08 17:32:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You can use a small resistor of 100-220 ohm in series with the D0, D2 and D3 line in order not to short circuit your LPT port in the event the MCU pins are high.
It was tested without these resistors and no problems occurred.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2010-02-08 17:31:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
beggars cant be choosers.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2010-02-08 17:21:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm going to key west in a few weeks, maybe I'll meet a fine man down there.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2010-02-08 17:17:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I try to go through life treating everyone as I would want to be treated. Unless they annoy me. Then I fuck them up with a hammer until they poo blood and pee diarhhea.
I'm pretty sure I have a sibling I could hook you up with. Unless Derkins is dating him again.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2010-02-08 17:14:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Icarus, yeah maybe you're right, I do place the needs of others before myself. I worry more about how they'll feel than how I feel. But that doesn't mean I feel low about myself... I have normal self esteem, I think? Who knows, though, I have no stick to measure self esteem by.
Bubba... I have tried all angles of meeting guys, bars, internet, friends, etc... I think maybe it's where I live? Or perhaps it's me? lol
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2010-02-08 17:10:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How did this fuckstick get your number? Why did he just "drop by" without an invitation? You should find a different place to meet guys.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2010-02-08 17:10:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There's a difference between being polite/social/turning the other cheek and letting people walk all over you, my dear. You tend to tolerate being walked upon rather than risk offending anyone. This would mean putting a higher value on their feelings/needs than your own. That's where I get the feeling of low self esteem/worth from. Your time is worth more than this fellow's existence, and from the start it sounds like he was making obvious attempts to manipulate you.
That said, I'm the worst diplomat in the world and tend to go on the offensive with little/no provocation.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2010-02-08 17:04:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
nobody is perfect but he sounds like a prick
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2010-02-08 17:03:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah I left him alone at my house...? I have nothing to steal.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2010-02-08 17:02:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You left him alone at your house?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2010-02-08 16:57:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I wonder if he were to write a post about me, what it'd be... lol... ugh
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2010-02-08 16:54:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
the sooner you realize the first "stupid" thing a he or she says or does in a relationship represents the real "them", the better off you'll be
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2010-02-08 16:51:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I believe we talked about this already.
"Swing for the fences, bitch.. "
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2010-02-08 16:51:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No doubt. You only picked up a twelve? Better luck next time.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2010-02-08 16:45:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know if I have low self esteem... I just hate to make other people feel bad.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2010-02-08 16:44:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OH NO YOU DINNIT!!!
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2010-02-08 16:43:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You need to drop the low self esteem bullcrap. You're better than that. Have a brown bess musket in the house. Constantly polish it while he talks, and frequently threaten to brain-rape him with the bayonet. If you need any tips on how to chase a man with an axe, you can talk to Bonnie.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2010-02-08 16:39:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
LOL @ Icarus... you're right, totally. Dammit. Give them an inch and they take a mile... right?
I have a really hard time being mean or rude to people. REALLY hard time.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2010-02-08 16:38:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
so, you've met my brother
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2010-02-08 16:38:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's amazing how some people are. After this fiasco with THIS guy, I was like "Maybe I'm over reacting". But no, no I'm not.
I was dating a really super nice guy, but he lost his job, his car got destroyed and he went on a pot smoking no ambition binge, so :(.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2010-02-08 16:37:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Stop being a doormat. Here's how you deal with it:
Him: Do you always have people over?
You: Do you whine enough?
Him: Do you think we'll be intimate soon? And by intimate I mean fuck? And by soon I mean in five minutes behind the couch?
You: Do you think you'd like to have your penis severed with a butcher knife and forced down your throat? And for your lips to be nailed shut so you can't barf it out and you choke on your own penal blood?
Him: ... uh, are you my girlfriend?...
You: Are you on the fucking View? Do you just go on blabbering all day, you stupid, limp-wrissted, middle-aged faggot? If you say one more thing that makes me think you're just a deadbeat pussy, I will rape you with an acetylene torch and feed your balls to your mother.
Him: Do you think you could go --
You: UH!
Him: to th--
You: NARGH!
Him: I'm going to go out and buy you some chocolates and then leave you alone forever.
You: FUCKING RIGHT YOU ARE, FUCKBALLS!
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2010-02-08 16:36:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I wouldn't even call the asshole/loser posts "funny." More like trainwreck fascination @ the stupidity of these guys.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2010-02-08 16:33:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I have met some nice guys, but posts about them dont seem so funny.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2010-02-08 16:30:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Freudian slips anyone?
Christ. You seem to be an asshole/loser magnet. Fucking men.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2010-02-08 16:26:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I know, EI. I know.
Submitted by Procon (user info) at 2010-02-08 16:26:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not true. I am perfect.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2010-02-08 16:19:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
your track record with guys is ace!
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2010-02-08 16:16:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2010-02-08 16:13:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
suck an awesome guy! haha
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2010-02-08 16:13:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
suck an awesome guy! haha