Why Ain't I Dead? :part 3 (437 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.75 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by FALLEN (View user info) at 2010-03-10 12:07:53 EST
Fire,
The effect it has on a man is primal. There is something about the dance of the flame and the consuming beauty of a fire that draws us to it, like a moth to the light. Long before we were mesmerized by television, man spent his hours listening to the sirens call of burning things.
Like most boys, my friends and I spent our days finding just how much mischief we could get away with. It was in one such quest we happened to stumble upon a plastic 5-gallon pail with that most seductive of words on its side; "FLAMABLE". For a 13 year old boy, only a box with "BOOBIES" on the side of it could possibly be more appealing.
By stumble upon, I mean found in the neighbors garage and sort of took home with us with out asking.
Don't judge me I was a kid. If he didn't want us to have it, he should have locked the door.
The bucket contained an oily fuel that burned quite nicely, not gasoline or solvent it was a mix of some kind. Either way, it burned army men real good.
Just so you don't think I was your run of the mill street hooligan I need to tell you this flammable gift allowed me to create our finest plaything, The Spitfire.
You know the pneumatic closer on your storm door? It does its job with a spring and a plunger, and at the end there is screw that you can open or close to adjust the air being released and therefore how fast the door will close.
If that screw is removed the spring will rapidly discharge the air out of the end of the metal cylinder.
Adding a strap to the end of the shaft, place the open end into a glass of gas/oil mix, pull back drawing the fuel inside (like a syringe), ignite the end and release.
It will shoot a flaming jet of fuel about ten feet.
It was awesome. I was quite the Macgyver
But sadly it was not my creation that almost did me in; it was the old warning "never pour gas on a fire"
My friend and I had poured a few puddles of fuel on the ground, just to watch them burn. When he said we should stop before his mom smelled the stuff burning, as we were just outside his back door.
Typical mom.
He ducked inside to see if she was coming when I decided "just a little bit more" and splashed more fuel on the flame. Now we had done this a lot of times before without incident. I remember thinking that as I watched in slow motion as the flame traveled up the stream to the 5 gallon bomb in my hands.
Just the month prior a kid about my age died from a similar act when his metal gas can exploded and shrapnel tore into him. My bucket was plastic but I didn't want to test it out.
I tossed the bucket, toward the fire as I remember, and turned to run.
At this exact time my friend came back to check on me, just as the can exploded in a fireball where I had been standing. I had ducked around the corner so to him it appeared I had been blown to bits.
Well I was not, but my hair was comically blown back and was smoking where it got singed. I had first degree burns and looked like I had real bad sunburn for a month.
But worst of all was the lectures from mom and the doctors about playing with fire.
Next time an electricity double play.
User Reviews
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2010-03-11 14:16:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2010-03-11 08:29:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My cousin and I were playing in the bush one day (lighting bonfires) and having lots of fun (throwing aerosol cans in and watching them explode), when, he tripped and fell and cut eyebrow open (a flaming piece of aerosol can came flying through the air and split his eyebrow open). To this day his mum thinks the scar above his eye is from me pushing him over.
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2010-03-10 17:58:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2010-03-10 15:21:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
In gradeschool we had to read that book about the miler who was terribly burned in a school fire...he used gasoline to start a wood stove...KABLOOOOEY
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2010-03-10 14:30:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DAMN! Boys will be boys.
~~~
"Long before we were mesmerized by television, man spent his hours listening to the sirens call of burning things."
Long before television, flames mesmerized and kept us alive as we huddled near them to keep warm. The huge racks of ribs dripping grease in the firepit filled the cave with a sense of "All is well, we will live to see another spring".
Looking forward to the next in this series...
Submitted by ridiculous (user info) at 2010-03-10 13:02:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it on the 'other' site and i like it here too. I also like Skrap's idea. Kinda like how you should never ever fill baloons with oxygen and acetaline and then light them with a match on the end of a long long pole. shold never ever do something like that. Extra emphasis on the long pole bit.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2010-03-10 12:54:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well I thought about making it more interesting for you sico by saying I filled the cylinder with turkey gravy and coated it with KY. So it would be more along the lines of a typical night you and your husband have, but I figured I would keep the story the way it hapened.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2010-03-10 12:43:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The following is a Public Service Announcement concerning a dangerous and potentially life-endangering situation that could easily lead to injury or death and substantial property damage if you did it, so do not do it. Just don't. Stop even thinking about it.
DO NOT Get one of these http://scientificsonline.com/product.asp_Q_pn_E_3109700
DO NOT Take it to your high school parking lot late, late at night.
DO NOT Replace suggested quantity of water with a similar amount of gasoline.
DO NOT Pressurize the thing.
ABSOLUTELY DO NOT put a candle near the base
AND UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU EVER Pull the extended release cord.
IF YOU DO THIS YOU ARE FOOLISH BECAUSE IT IS FUCKING REALLY DANGEROUS AND PROBABLY ILLEGAL TOO, SO JUST DON'T DO IT!!
Seriously.
But it's awesome.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2010-03-10 12:26:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For fucks sake...do us all one giant favor and get to the point where you stop writing these gobs of Tony Robbins style boredom. You were a kid...whewwey! You shit your pants, I bet you want trophy and recognition for that too, huh? Seriously, tell us the story of how you actually die and then follow through with your morbid tale of being fucked to death by an elephant/sperm whale hybrid because you "wanted as much land and sea penis in you as possible." We get it, already. You're a sea crossing hobbit with a penchant for chewing on cock. It's not going to change...ever! You're the resident guy who dresses in Kimmy Gibbler's clothes, tight pants, and wears bandannas. You rip holes in your jeans to expose your cut legs while you blame the societal ruins on your parents because no one, and you mean no one, understands your hurt. You're an over medicated shit ant in a field of dung beetles. You're not a special little star in the sky, Jenny, because guess the mother fuck what!?!?! Stars are for sale now too. It's best to just start doing heroin. Fuck starting with the small shit like weed or coke (don't worry, you can't possibly overdose on cock all though for your sake we all wish you could) and go right for the heavy duty narcotics. Corey Haim yourself. You're dead to me. You're dead to uber. Now, go to episode FIN and off yourself!
At the very least, STFU AND GTFO!
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2010-03-10 12:08:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you all know you want to make one of my spitfires, don't lie to me.