My uneventful trip to the Big Apple proved that I am in fact immortal (2548 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 0.34 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jonukah<jonukah.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2004-02-09 13:52:55 EST
I decided to put this post under the news category. However, after reading this, you will find that the category is the only joke of this post.
This post is unnews. Nonnews. It isn't even quazi, semi, or pseudo news. This post may even be considered antinews or neganews. (I spelled pseudo right this time! Aren' you proud, Razor?)
Are you bored yet? I hope so, because that is exactly the point.
I have discovered that I am immortal. How does this have anything to do with my boring you? I'll tell you: When the third fate went to cut the thread of my life, she made the mistake of taking a look at my life, and immediately fell asleep. In fact, everyone who has been born after me most likely has an indeterminent fate, because she probably still has yet to wake up.
I went to New York this weekend for a little excitement. I figured that there was no possible way I could go to New York without something awful or amazing happen.
I was wrong.
First off, I drove my ticking time-bomb of a car both was for a total of eight driving hours, and nothing happened. How is this possible? My front-left outer tierod is loose, my front right steering knuckle is loose, I haven't had an alignment in about two years, and my engine light has been on for the past 7,000 miles. No collision. No veering off the side of a bridge. Not even a flat tire.
That was my first disappointment.
Then, I took the wrong exit off route I87, and ended up being lost in the Bronx for forty-five minutes. When I took a shortcut through an alley that was decorated with stinking refuse and shoes hanging from pirated cable lines, I thought: "Sweet! Maybe I'll get mugged, jumped, or shot at.
Nope. Not even. I did run into infamous New York traffic, which is the most significant highlight of the weekend. As soon as people smelled my sweet, innocent blood, and/or saw my Maryland tags, I was cutoff and honked at by everyone. As I was patiently waiting to make a left turn for about twenty minutes, I realized the single traffic law of New York City: Whoever gets there first, wins. So, I finally decided to go for it, and was honked at.
That was the heart-pounder of the weekend.
That is really about it. That isn't to say I didn't have a wonderful time, but nothing happened to me. JMG114 took me for out for a pleasant night downtown, Loren1 was a gracious host, And Slick Rick looked weird in glasses.
I had a wonderful time. I really did. lots of fun. However, nothing ever happens to me. I am a drama queen with no drama. I cannot be angered nor impassioned. I should probably be knocking on wood right now, or else I might find out I am allergic to bee stings and be laid to rest without my glasses on, making me blind as well as dead.
<sigh> Thinking about My Girl always brings a salty tear to my eye. Why? Because that young girl got damn ugly. Did you see My Girl 2? Ugh. Paper bag, anyone?
I really don't know what the point of this post is. I guess I am venting because I have nothing to vent about. Maybe I am just a little down because I realized while I was in New York how boring and sheltered I am. During brief periods of silence with uberfolk, I tried to think of some exciting childhood stories to talk about, and realized I have already spelled out all of them on uber. Good luck finding them. I'm not sure they exist.
Anyway, thank you Jared, Loren, and Rick for showing me a great time, and making me realize how desperately I need to travel and see more of the world.
P.S. I am writing this at a library and am currently without the aid of spell check. Be nice. This is also why I didn't attach the picture of that awesome Indian restaurant. Sorry, Jared.
PPS. I didn't even get to see any superheros. I looked for Jackie Chan in the Bronx, and Spiderman in Manhatten, but they were nowhere to be found. Or simply avoiding me.
User Reviews
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-02-12 14:14:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by celeste (user info) at 2004-02-11 14:15:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-02-10 14:06:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-02-09 18:46:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
William_Q_Percy, I am curious about your original statement:
[...]
The truth is, I do write like I am personal, long-time friends with everyone. In fact, that is exactly how I try to befriend people. I just skip the getting to know everyone and love them from the start. It is much easier that way.
Now, if you argue that the above is all well and good, but doesn't belong as a post, I can understand that.
I write posts generall for one of two reasons: I'm trying to be entertaining, or I'm trying to rant. I just hope that my entertaining posts make up for the rants and I don't become a bitch.
Thank you for listening to my rant, and for your -1
--------------
Jon,
You hit the nail on the head when you said "Now, if you argue that the above is all well and good, but doesn't belong as a post, I can understand that."
I do enjoy how you write with a very personal touch. If you have ever read any of my stuff, or ever get a chance to meet me, you will find that I am also very open right from the word go. I think this is how I identify with you, personally.
However, I just don't think it fits for every post.. this one in particular feels as though it is a message you would type and e-mail to your closer friends, not post on Uber.
Normally your stuff is great and I'll give you a positive rating without fail, but it bothers me when it feels like people are using Uber as a personal message board, or forwarding list. Who knows, maybe its just because I've come to expect great things from your writing. Better writers are held to higher standards I suppose.
You're welcome for my honest rating, and I'll always listen to what you write, you're a favourite of mine. I have to say thanks back for taking my feedback constructively and not just going to -2 all my old posts. The world needs a little more love and understanding, even in places like this.
Take care,
Chris.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-02-10 13:10:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry I didn't bang your brains out Jonukah. Maybe next time. :-)
Hey, you bought a refridgerator! Wasn't that exciting at least? It's just so hard to please people...
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-02-09 22:46:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
After reading this, I'm considering not saving you in Uberia.
It seems to me that you could do so much better.
I guess sometimes I could too though.
Still, I've seen much better from you. I think you have too.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-02-09 19:02:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
<<goes off to cry in the corner>>
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-02-09 19:00:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
thanks for calling me up
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-02-09 18:46:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
William_Q_Percy, I am curious about your original statement:
"You should stop writing as though you know and are personal, long-time friends with everyone on this site"
There are a few things you could have meant with that. My guess is that you thought this post was more or less a boring/depressing rant, (which it was) and that only personal, long-time friends would care to hear that.
The truth is, I do write like I am personal, long-time friends with everyone. In fact, that is exactly how I try to befriend people. I just skip the getting to know everyone and love them from the start. It is much easier that way.
Now, if you argue that the above is all well and good, but doesn't belong as a post, I can understand that.
I write posts generall for one of two reasons: I'm trying to be entertaining, or I'm trying to rant. I just hope that my entertaining posts make up for the rants and I don't become a bitch.
Thank you for listening to my rant, and for your -1
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-02-09 17:56:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
**Why get your panties in a bunch?**
Because he's French. It's their national sport or hobby or something.
+2 not because I like what you write(although I do), but because I know the feeling of having a life that is regrettably free of incident and lacking drama.
Also, +2 because bashing the French never gets old, cheese-eating surrender monkeys that they are.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-02-09 15:27:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You have clique on the brain, frenchie.
"(I spelled pseudo right this time! Aren' you proud, Razor?)"
I might have been if you hadn't left the t off the word aren't. Unless that was intentional, in which case it was kind of funny.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-02-09 15:27:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
werd
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-02-09 15:22:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
William Q Percy, I apologize if I misunderstood your meaning, my bad. The post was a bit weak. Sometimes it's reflex to hit the +2 for a bud, and since i've known Jonukah for a number of years, I gave him a plus 2.
*bows head* rock on
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-02-09 15:18:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-02-09 15:05:02 (#)
Ranking: -2
Neither was I. I was just expressing my personnal view. I know it's forbidden to take on a member of your little clique so next time I'll just put on a 2 and bow to his self-appraised greatness.
oh PLEASE! this isn't fucking high school! We're not the "cool kids" in a little fucking clique! you don't have to like him, hell you don't have to like me or any of the shit we post! But you have to understand if your criticisms(sp) are going to aimed PERSONALY, you're going to generate responses, welcome to the land of the free baby, enjoy the show!
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-02-09 15:17:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm with Kristen. I'm going to shut up about this now.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-02-09 15:17:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Or you could just not rate it. Don't rate the person, rate the post.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-02-09 15:16:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I agree with Cauliflower.
Jonukah wipes his ass and it gets on boredatwork... immediately. There are hundreds of unrecognized posts and posters out there.
I just don't get why everyone so readily sucks Jon's dick when sometimes his posts are crap.
Besides, its not like he doesn't enjoy criticism... just helps him improve.
And the East Coast Connection is a little overbearing sometimes. That being considered, I would much rather read what they write instead of the "KoolMang Post Killers" that have popped up to 'oppose' them.
Whatever. Besides the point.
This post sucked and I just wanted Jon to know.
Jon, this post sucked. -1 for you.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-02-09 15:15:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cacaincourt:
If you were just expressing your opinion on the post, you would have stated it and gone on your merry way. The fact that you're squatting on this thread and immediately jumping on the defensive suggests you have more of a personal problem, rather than your fine literary tastes having been insulted by reading this post.
You can have your opinion. And people can have opinions about your opinion. And you can have opinions about people having opinions about your opinion. But at the end of the day, it's words on a website that you can click out of in no time. Why get your panties in a bunch? No one else is.
Click it, read it, rate it, move on. Unless it was written by one of KoolMang's personas. Then don't even bother clicking it.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-02-09 15:13:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Come to Los Angeles.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-02-09 15:05:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Neither was I. I was just expressing my personnal view. I know it's forbidden to take on a member of your little clique so next time I'll just put on a 2 and bow to his self-appraised greatness.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-02-09 15:00:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Shadow, I'm not hating, I'm just suggesting to him how to make his super awesome posts even more super awesome.
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-02-09 14:56:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really liked this, actually...
The events of your non-events were so heartfelt, yet... empty.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-02-09 14:50:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sheeeeeeesh. What is going on with the jonukah hate? He's so furry and loveable.
+2 for the My Girl comments. All those telegenic kids grow up to be just this side of hideous.
And if you'd made a trip to LA, you'd have much more to talk about. So blame your destination, bubba.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-02-09 14:47:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
and Mr Percy, he is personal long time friends with at least five people on this site, not to mention the fact he's a nice guy, and people respond to that.
Don't be a playa-hata, be a partici-pata
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-02-09 14:43:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-02-09 14:34:02 (#)
Ranking: -2
"-2 this post to your heart's content"
No problem. Hey...you asked for it.
Sorry for not being "constructive". I know that being self-important makes you think you have the final judgement on what's constructive, eloquent, intelligent, right, whatever...as long as it fits your little spics agenda.
did you zip your dick in your pants again? is that why you're being pissy? or is it just that time of the month?
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-02-09 14:42:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
You should stop writing as though you know and are personal, long-time friends with everyone on this site.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-02-09 14:40:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
AlwaysAnEagle, nothing's wrong. This is a rating system isn't it ?
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-02-09 14:34:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the fact "you can't be killed." there go my plans for the summer.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-02-09 14:34:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"-2 this post to your heart's content"
No problem. Hey...you asked for it.
Sorry for not being "constructive". I know that being self-important makes you think you have the final judgement on what's constructive, eloquent, intelligent, right, whatever...as long as it fits your little spics agenda.
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-02-09 14:30:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
SPM?
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-02-09 14:28:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Caulaincourt, what the hell is wrong with you?
Sorry you had minimal adventures, Jonukah, that's a tough break. Better luck next time!
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-02-09 14:25:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"I'll give you another -2 just 'cause you're a last-word freak who has to argue anytime he sees himself being rate what he's worth (-2). As a freedom defender (even if you don't seem to grasp the concept of it), accept bad critics."
I'll accept bad critiques, but bad critics just annoy me. And if you've been paying attention, you would have noticed that I have been yearning for constructive criticism. That, however, does not include stating the obvious, in French or any other langauge.
And as far as having the last word, feel free to -2 this post to your heart's content, if that is what being a freedom defender is about (since you made it clear that I don't know.)
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-02-09 14:20:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
And here's a small -1 for your next childish reply.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-02-09 14:19:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jon, let's go start doing crazy things! I would love to help you make up for the sobriety of your youth (not necc. with booze or drugs) Let's start today!!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-02-09 14:18:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'll give you another -2 just 'cause you're a last-word freak who has to argue anytime he sees himself being rate what he's worth (-2). As a freedom defender (even if you don't seem to grasp the concept of it), accept bad critics.
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-02-09 14:11:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, Caulaincourt. Like I said. Boring was kinda the whole theme. Thanks for the insight.
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2004-02-09 14:08:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha yes NY is rather uneventful. Thats why you gotta go to Harlem. Either Harlem or Flatbush. Thats where the excitement is at. That is if by excitement you mean running for your life. Then yes.
Im going to NYC this weekend instead of skiing to go to the New York Comedy Club. Hopefully the comics will be good and my reservations recognized. I did it online and hoping I didnt pay for no reason. That would suck.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-02-09 14:06:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought that was you!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-02-09 14:00:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Vraiment très ennuyeux. Exaspérant !