Things I Have Learned While Driving Trucks... (812 hits)
Category: Movies & TVRating: 1.45 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <suburbanator350.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-01-31 04:47:53 EST
A very select few of you know I have returned to my favorite passion: aiming forty tons of metal and fiberglass, mounted to eighteen wheels down this country's highways and biways. Some of you I will actually make an effort to try to visit, as long as you are near major Interstates and can have seventy-five feet of truck parked in your drive-way without pissing off your neighbors (or at least don't mind meeting at a near-by truck stop). The following is a list of things I have learned thus far in my career:
Driving isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
If you find yourself in the runaway truck ramp, perhaps you should reconsider your choice of downhill speed.
A 'good' stop is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' stop is one after which they can use the truck again.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
Never let a truck take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another truck going in the opposite direction.
Always try to keep the number of safe stops you make equal to the number of starts you've made.
There are three simple rules for driving in heavy traffic. Unfortunately no one seems to know what they are.
You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the trailer, things are not at all as they should be.
In the ongoing battle between objects made of metal and fiberglass going a hundred miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.
Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.
It's always a good idea to keep the big window end going forward as much as possible.
Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed, and it is probably aiming for you.
Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal or interpretation.
The three most useless things to a driver are the solid object ahead of you, the empty road behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.
The electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information. They are only there to make the roads look civilized. The electronic traffic warning system is at least six hours behind real conditions, on those rare days when they replace the standard wind, fire, ice, falling rock or heavy traffic notices. These notices will be left up at least 24 hours after the condition has cleared up, just to prove the sign messages really can be changed.
If you pass a smoking tractor-trailer headed downhill, keep a good eye on the rear view mirror for a tractor-trailer overtaking you at 120 m.p.h. You might give some thought to not being between it and the nearest runaway truck ramp.
It is traditional for new drivers to deafen everyone by honking their way thru the tunnels.
Heavy snow, black ice, white outs, fogs, and rain are no reasons to change any mountain driving conditions. They are merely a way of ensuring a natural selection process for removing the less capable drivers. It also keeps body shops, junkyards, new vehicle sales, rescue personnel and funeral homes in business.
User Reviews
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-05-11 16:54:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
\/ Waa tuh fuks mi olady doin hear? \/
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-01-31 15:19:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Carry 104K gross weight without looking "heavy"
Treat your engine mechanic like a GOD
O yeah.....do something "creative" to the dick
who just made you "flat-spot" 16 of your tires
Submitted by Evil_Morg (user info) at 2005-01-31 15:13:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-01-31 11:45:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
shake the trees and rake the leaves
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-31 11:28:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
10-4 good buddy.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-01-31 08:15:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'Cause we got a great big convoy
Rockin through the night
Yeah we got a great big convoy
Ain't she a beautiful sight
C'mon and join our convoy
Aint nothin gonna get in our way
We gonna roll this truckin convoy 'cross the USA
Convoy.....CONVOY
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-01-31 07:33:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
So, let me get this straight:
You basically took a great piece of aviation humour, changed 'plane' to 'truck' and 'pilot' to 'driver', and posted this?
Nice one, skippy.
http://www.anvari.org/shortjoke/EmailJoke_Set_5/881.html
Only a -1 because you SEEM to have added 2 or 3 of your own.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-01-31 06:18:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not bad for a n00b.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-01-31 05:33:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bobotheclown (user info) at 2005-01-31 05:22:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-01-31 04:53:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal or interpretation.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2005-01-31 04:52:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I smiled at a few of these.
Drive safe.