Visions of vampires danced in my head (746 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.29 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ainkara (View user info) at 2005-04-19 09:51:54 EDT
This is (yet another) story based on a dream of mine. I have way too many vampire dreams... Anyway, I know it kinda sucks at this point. I was finding it very hard at this stage to get into a rythym. Critisi... wait... CONSTRUCTIVE critisism, would be appreciated.
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Sarah Corrida rubbed her eyes as she looked at the text infront of her. This was the third night in a row that she had been up past midnight in this room, trying to decypher the message found on the aging parchment. It had been found in the middle east, its exact location she was not sure of. She drifted to sleep trying to make sense of a bizarre passage, hinting at death and power.
Her dreams were haunted that night, with visions of dark rooms and seduction. Most of it she could not make sense of, but as she awoke, her head resting on the ancient parchment, strange words echoed through her head.
"What you seek belongs to me, and I am he who walks the eternal night. Come to me, and you will find everything you desire."
An early morning glance at the text, and recognition made her jump awake. She now understood it all, and knew what she was looking for. Walking out of the room as calmly as she could, she picked up the phone and rang the person she knew was waiting for this news.
"I've found it."
Five days later, she was entertaining four guests. All experts, all curious and all hopeful. She was animated as she told them of the story the text had told her, dark caves, golden swords and powerful guardians. She told them what she suspected, a new vampire myth.
They scoffed, dismissed her ideas as ridiculous, but they did not leave. They needed a reason, this she was sure of, and so she gave them the treasure. Artworks unimaginable, perfectly preserved and not seen by human eyes for centuries. And of course, the sword. At its name, their eyes glowed and their hearts sped.
They would seek it.
To Be Continued.
User Reviews
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-07-20 22:12:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Visions of vampires danced in my head "
what's that from?????????????????????
on the tip of my tongue...
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-04-28 07:02:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can feel here that you are hurting about something ,,and hiding yourself away ,away .you will come out of this.try some walking in the bush for a while.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-20 08:12:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
just cause your smokin hot, and the story was good too. Although I didnt really read it.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-04-20 03:34:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was trying to get this part out of the way. None of this was in my dream, so I don't actually know how anyone found the place they end up at. I know what happens when they get there, that's it.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-04-20 02:20:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very nice. I wish you would've expanded on it, though.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2005-04-19 19:24:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
How does this have a 1.56 rating? SERIOUSLY
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-04-19 16:47:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have no idea what happened between the time she says "I found it" and the time those people are at her house. The story just moved way too quickly there. Swords and caves and experts and what now? What's going on?
It lost me...though that might be my own fault. I have ingested a surprising amount of fish paralyzers.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-19 15:56:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-04-19 11:44:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is (yet another) story based on a dream of mine. I have way too many vampire dreams... Anyway, I know it kinda sucks at this point. I was finding it very hard at this stage to get into a rythym. Critisi... wait... CONSTRUCTIVE critisism, would be appreciated.
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After that pun I couldn't bring myself to read the post, sorry.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-04-19 11:35:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
liked it, thought it could have used more development...
did she just understand it all because she slept on the parchment?? how did it all make sense to her???
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-19 11:24:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feed my dogs jalepenos.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-04-19 10:24:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wicked sweet
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-04-19 09:58:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 to give you the benefit of the doubt.
NOW FINISH THIS, DAMN YOU!
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-04-19 09:56:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think this has fantastic potential, lass.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-04-19 09:55:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That picture's awesome...
Hmmm... Constructive criticism...
Finish the story.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-04-19 09:53:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Note to self: Attached picture should not be bigger than text component of story. That is all.