Just Desserts or Karma Will Get You If the Bouncer Doesnt! (549 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.14 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <greywolffe.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-05-15 08:31:25 EDT
Forgive my grammar and punctuation, I am 'faced. I tired to type slow and reread it, but who knows what i didn't catch. I just thought this was amusing, so decided to share it with you.
Tonight a few buddies and I decided to have a "guys night out". This did not entail any anal virginity being lost, nor anyone getting beat. What it did entail was the four of us finally going to see The Hitchhikers Guide To the Galaxy, and maybe getting piss-faced drunk afterwards. We probably should have started the drinking early, for the movie blows. Pure and simple, straight to the freaking point.
We sit through the entire movie, and all I can do is try to compare this total piece of shit to any other garbage flick I have seen, like Chairman of the Board(Carrot Top is teh Roxorz!), Titanic( just kidding, I never saw it, I already knew how it ended),or How High. I should have just read the freaking book again, I wouldn't have been out $13 freaking bucks. I already own the books, and and I would have had that much more beer to boot!
The movie finally ends, and we decide to go to our old hangout. It had been almost 2 months since we have gone there, and we decided to go back because anything could be better than the 2 hours of total eye-filth that we had just gone through. Here is where a little backstory is needed.
---------------------------
Flash back 3 months ago.
Me and 2 other ex bouncer type friends are sitting in our old hangout, drinking as fast and as hard as we can. I look up from my beer long enough to notice that trouble is brewing.
"Look hearty, me buckos!" I say to my buds.
"Why?" asked John.
"Fightin' is aboot to start, and I aim to have a little fun!" I answered.
The fight starts, and I take off my glasses and make sure to put my weapons into my hhat, so nothing really bad would happen. I do not fear getting hurt myself, but dont want to go to jail for stabbing someone else.
As I wade into the middle of the fight I see a security guard and an old man get jumped by 4 guys. "this is NOT good," I thought. "I am going to stop that right now!"
I go over to the beat down and drag everyone off the old man first, and the guard after that. My friends follow after, and make sure that I dont get hit from behind while doing this. After we help security literally toss all the hard cases out the door, the old guy comes over to me and shakes my hand.
"Thanks for what you did over there. It might have gone bad if not for your help. My name is Greg, and I own this place."
All I can think about at this moment is I am drinking for free from now on.
Always one to try to pimp myself, and my friends out, I said, "Hey, Greg, glad to be of some help. Me and my friends bounce sometimes, and know what it is like. Here is my card, if you ever need us, you know where we can be found."
No free beer and horrible service ensued thereafter, so we all quit going there.
--------------------
Back to the present.
We are sitting in the bar, trying to get a second beer. We are quiet, just drinking and talking amongst ourselves. The waitress comes over and asks us what we would like, and we order another round. Hell, the bar is fairly dead, 4 beers should take no longer than 10 minutes, and the barwench has helped everyone else other than us. We realize that she was there the day of the fight, and consequently the saving of the boss. We put 2 and 2 together, and after 30 minutes go by with no beer, we just leave and skip the tab. Fuck her.
We decide to go to the titrack and see some boobs. If I am going to be ignored, it will be where I can at least see some booby, god damn it! Even though the beer is overpriced, there is incentive to be there, not to mention we know some of the girls from our old bouncing days.
We finally get to drink the way we like to, and are starting to get kinda faced. We are watching the girls, and getting all kinds of dances from them, and having an all around good time for about 2 hours. That was until this group of black dudes come walking in, hats-abackwards and being obnoxious. They order some beer from my girl Sabrina, and grab her ass as she set them down. I am about to get up when she tells them that that isn't going to happen, and if they do it again she will have them escorted out. The doorman goes over and let them know that they are not to grab the waitress for any reason, and they will be watched.
The guys keep grabbing Sabrina, and a few of the other ladies to boot. This is really starting to anger us, and we started talking out loud about it. Half an hour passes and all the girls who know us ask us to leave, because they knwo we are getting angry and they know our dispositions. Sabrina tells us that the beers were comped, and she confides in me that the group of black dudes was probably going to be tossed in less than a half hour, just enough time to get as much money from them as possible, if it was possible. They hadnt tipped yet, and none of them had gotten a dance from anyone.
So me and my friends leave fairly quick, so quick that we didn't use the rest room before we left. We know that there is no cameras in the lot, so on our way to our vehicles we had to take a piss break. We all choose this car that is right in front of the driveway out, and just give it a washing. Tires, windshield, doors and handles get covered in our collective piss. we stumbled to our respective cars and get in, and start to pull out of the back of the lot.
As we are leaving we see the group of guys leave the club, arguing with the door guy about something. Being at the front of our convoy, and blocking the driveway out I see them turn away and head for the back lot to get into their car. Sure enough, it is the car we had just marinated in our urine. I take off then, after seeing All four of them shaking their hands, wondering what happened to the doors. After seeing one look up to the sky to see if it had rained clinched the deal. I pressed the accellerator and took off, and so did everyone else.
My cell phone rang, and we all couldnt stop laughing about the dumb luck we had in choosing that car to take a leak on. One dude almost got in a wreck, he was laughing so hard! Haha, screw you, cheapass bastards!
User Reviews
Submitted by Santa_Claus_ (user info) at 2005-07-20 18:07:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Eats ass.
Submitted by homeslice (user info) at 2005-05-15 20:25:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I agree, Hitchhiker sucked as a flick. Just read http://www.ubersite.com/m/66332 to see what I thought of it.
Submitted by darkwulffe (user info) at 2005-05-15 18:04:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2005-05-15 11:27:56 (#)
Ranking: -1
I just thought this was amusing, so decided to share it with you. = WARNING SHITPOST
Try to avoid 'sharing' stories with uber. They don't play nice.
And driving drunk? Tsk tsk tsk... Not only your own life you endanger, but others as well. Not very responsible, even for a man drunk at the time.
------------
Ehh, I was drunken posting, forgive me.
Also, It was 4 am when we left the bar. There was no one out on the streets other than drunks, so it was kinda like pinball.
Submitted by Talon (user info) at 2005-05-15 15:30:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good story i smiled a couple times
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2005-05-15 13:27:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well....
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2005-05-15 11:27:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I just thought this was amusing, so decided to share it with you. = WARNING SHITPOST
Try to avoid 'sharing' stories with uber. They don't play nice.
And driving drunk? Tsk tsk tsk... Not only your own life you endanger, but others as well. Not very responsible, even for a man drunk at the time.
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-05-15 10:01:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You actually handed out busniess cards to bounce? Jesus...what the hell are bouncers getting paid nowadays?
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-05-15 09:54:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I skipped from the third paragraph to the last two lines, and I don't think I missed anything important.
Submitted by the_mysterious_stranger (user info) at 2005-05-15 09:46:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment