900 foot Jesus (2081 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.81 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MickGinny (View user info) at 2006-06-25 12:19:17 EDT
I was reminded recently of televangelist Oral Roberts 900 foot floating Jesus. Do you remember this story? Probably not, as the overwhelming demographic of uber were either swimming in their dads nuts or eating strained yams out of a glass jar. To those of you that have not heard, here is the story;
Back In 1980 Oral Roberts was in the middle of building a huge hospital complex in Texas or Oklahoma I cannot remember which. At any rate, he declared that a 900 foot floating Jesus appeared to him And according to Roberts, Jesus basically promised Oral that the remaining funds necessary to complete the hospital would be forthcoming.
When this story broke I was a young man without the benefit of life experiences that would allow me to get this shit wrapped properly around my brain. I just basically laughed it off and attributed it to Oral scoring really good LSD. Well actually I knew it was deceit fueled by greed but it was funnier to imagine that Oral ate 50 microdots and actually saw a 900 foot floating Jesus.
Now that I am older and fuckinA jaded, I cant help but think of how Oral determined that 900 feet would be the exact measurement to ensure he received the remaining cash needed to finish his hospital because he did indeed succeed in raising the cash. Was he scientific about it? Did he use triangulation? I always thought a 15 or 16 foot Jesus would have been sufficient. His actual press release stated that he spoke with Jesus eye to eye which also has led me to wonder if perhaps he forgot to mention Jesus was floating upside down. Because although Oral is a tall man, it seems to me that it might have been a bit difficult for a 6'+ man to go eye to eye with a floating Jesus the size of a fucking skyscraper.
Apparently Oral was not concerned about the details of his statement. He knew somehow- someway that by simply stating he had spoken with an exactly 900 foot Jesus that the cash would pour in from his vast flock of lemmings.
Here are a few facts about Oral Roberts
He is a motherfucking gazillionaire
He owns a university- a kick in the butt and a baloney sandwich goes to the first user who correctly identifies the Simpsons character who is an alumni of Oral Roberts university-
He is a prolific writer of over 100 books.
He claimed several years ago that he witnessed his father raise a child from the dead.
Here is an old article I posted on another televangelist, Peter Popoff.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/68028
User Reviews
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2006-06-30 21:23:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ned
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-26 16:43:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Benny Hinn is a crazy-ass muthaflucka, and don't get me started on those cheap-ass brown suits he wears and NMEN WAGOO BALUCH SOMAMAMAMAM ELOEOI ATREYU!
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-06-26 11:28:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-06-25 22:49:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
who would name a kid Oral anyway?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-06-25 15:41:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Orals Roberts? Ain't that two gay guys named Bob?
Most of those guys are charlatans. I've never heard any
dirt on Billy Graham, but who knows?
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-06-25 13:41:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks, MickG. I thought that might have been Oral as well. One thing's fo sho: That fool be knowin' how to get his hustle on. He should write a book.
Ooh, that's right; he did.
...and made more money on that.
...
Sonofabitch! That man is my hero!
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-06-25 13:37:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Benny Hinn is crazy in that, "Holy batshit! Why hasn't someone killed and/or committed this guy yet?" kind of way.
We need a televangelist in the, "Wow, I'm calling that number on my tv screen right now and inviting that crazy fucker over for dinner and drinks one night. Then he can babysit the kids while the wife and I go to a swingers party." kind of way.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2006-06-25 13:33:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by cascade (user info) at 2006-06-25 13:24:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
Say, wasn't there another televangelist around that time that claimed God would kill him if he didn't get x amount of money?
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I think that was Jimmy Swaggart. Are you telling me that Benny Hinn isn't crazy enough for ya?
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Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-06-25 13:22:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
Say, wasn't there another televangelist around that time that claimed God would kill him if he didn't get x amount of money?
And don't forget Jim and Tammy Faye! Model citizens, they were.
Actually, I think we could use a good crazy, er, I mean, charismatic televangelist these days
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Actually, it was Oral Roberts who made that statement a few years after the 900' Jesus statement. I think the dollar amount was 5 or 8 million. apparently he raised the dough because he is still among the living. PRAISE THE LORD!!!
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-06-25 13:31:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-06-25 13:01:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
As a kid, I just remember being confused that 'Oral' was some guy's name.
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I thought for the longest time that Oral Roberts was toothpaste.
Submitted by cascade (user info) at 2006-06-25 13:24:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Say, wasn't there another televangelist around that time that claimed God would kill him if he didn't get x amount of money?
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I think that was Jimmy Swaggart. Are you telling me that Benny Hinn isn't crazy enough for ya?
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-06-25 13:22:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Say, wasn't there another televangelist around that time that claimed God would kill him if he didn't get x amount of money?
And don't forget Jim and Tammy Faye! Model citizens, they were.
Actually, I think we could use a good crazy, er, I mean, charismatic televangelist these days.
Submitted by cascade (user info) at 2006-06-25 13:15:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Because it reminds me of MC 900 Foot Jesus.
I wonder if the Praying Hands sculpture in Tulsa are to scale with a 900 foot Jesus...
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-06-25 13:01:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't know about this. But I think there's a DJ named after the incident.
Ned Flanders attended ORU, no?
As a kid, I just remember being confused that 'Oral' was some guy's name.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-06-25 12:39:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember this. Thanks for reminding me that I'm old.
It is a bit peculiar that he arrived at 900 ft. In the interest of scientific disclosure you think he'd at least have published a picture with a ruler present.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-06-25 12:36:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MAYBE HE WAS FLOATING TOO...
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-06-25 12:27:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha how could you say no to a 900ft jesus?