Masturbation Instructor (4382 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.91 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MickGinny (View user info) at 2006-08-02 00:37:14 EDT
Changeling wrangling is not like it used to be.
As some of you who suffer to listen know, I made a career change a few months back. I am quite pleased with the decision although there have been some sobering instances I have experienced that I did not expect. The good news is I have started back to drinking quite a bit.
For those of you that do not suffer, I am working in mental health again; http://www.ubersite.com/m/87944
One of the clients, Marcus, a rather pleasant fellow save the incessant and repetitive questions, constant drooling, aggressive behavior towards others, autistic rocking, whining, screaming, insomnia, self mutilation, and scab picking.
Marcus sees a sex therapist bi-monthly. Which threw me for a loop when I learned of this as Marcus has no sex, and as far as I know, has no promising leads to have sex in the near or distant future.
I learned from a co-worker that Marcus' sex therapist has been trying to recruit someone to teach Marcus how to masturbate for several months because she believes that the unwanted behavior Marcus displays is due to sexual frustration. So when the case manager told me;
"Marcus' sex therapist wants to have a meeting with you."
I replied
"What for, does she need some pointers?"
After some back and forth with the case manager , I reluctantly agreed to meet with Marcus' sex therapist.
MickGinny meets with the sex therapist-
After a lot of bullshit, the sex therapist, a beautiful brunette about 30 years old, stated exactly what the co-worker had warned me about; she believes that the unwanted behavior Marcus displays is due to sexual frustration and he needs to be taught how to relieve the sexual tension through masturbation. She actually came right out and asked me if I would teach Marcus how to masturbate.
MickGinny : "I am no expert, however masturbation it would seem to me is a primal urge that no level of retardation could suppress."
Sex Therapist: not necessarily, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, sexual therapist mumbo -jumbo blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, sexual therapist mumbo -jumbo blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
MickGinny : "Well, I could teach him...in fact if I did teach him he could quite possibly be the best...THE BEST EVER. I don't tell too many people this I try not to boast about it, but when I was 13 I was thinking about going pro. I had all the right moves- I was a true five tool player-the technique I developed was simply sublime. I lived for it... practice practice practice, I was totally devoted."
Sex Therapist: "uhhhh..."
MickGinny : "I'll tell you what, if you have about an hour or so I will run some drills for you. All I need is a gallon of salad oil and a rosin bag. Just check my stuff out, and you judge for yourself if I am the right man for the job"
Sex Therapist: "this is not something to joke about."
MickGinny : "I am not joking, I am THE BEST!"
This meeting occurred last Friday... I am still waiting to hear if I got the gig.
MickGinny
User Reviews
Submitted by DrKennethNoisewater (user info) at 2008-05-23 10:23:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2006-08-05 18:22:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I am THE BEST!"
This was better the second time around, but there is no +3.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-08-03 17:22:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Gunslinger (user info) at 2006-08-02 16:53:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-08-02 03:16:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel your pain. I used to work with dudes who rocked on the floor, slammed their heads agains the wall, bit their own arms, and masturbated constantly.
AWESOME
-------------
what the FUCK
========
HAHA well, there was ONE guy who rocked on the floor and slammed his head against the wall and bit his wrist when he was mad, but then the guy who masturbated constantly was a SEPARATE person, and there was the girl who would claw her neck raw.
So I guess it's not as weird as it sounded the first time, right?
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-08-03 08:55:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm skeptical....even severe down syndrome peeps know how to whack it. sounds like they are doing a candid camera segment on you or something.
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2006-08-02 19:23:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PUT HAND ON SELF.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-02 19:16:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mick I don't know who you are but I'm a huge fan of yours already. Your altruism seethes from your efforts to help others and I am humbled by it.
+2 forever
*sniff*
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-02 18:57:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
why dont you just teach HER, then SHE can teach him?
Submitted by Gunslinger (user info) at 2006-08-02 16:53:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-08-02 03:16:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel your pain. I used to work with dudes who rocked on the floor, slammed their heads agains the wall, bit their own arms, and masturbated constantly.
AWESOME
-------------
what the FUCK
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-08-02 13:32:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-08-02 10:20:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
so chimpanzees can do it but autists can't?
maybe electro just has a jizz build up.
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2006-08-02 10:06:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder if a good health insurance plan would cover a handjob
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2006-08-02 09:51:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What did you do this summer?
Oh, not much. I taught a retard how to rub one out.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-08-02 09:07:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto mental-health employment +2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-08-02 08:34:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have just chortled coffee through my nose.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-08-02 08:15:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why couldn't the sex therapist teach him? Surely, even though she's a lass, she'd know the basic ins & outs?
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-08-02 07:50:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MickGinny : "I am not joking, I am THE BEST!"
--
I think you would have some stiff competition for that title around here.
Submitted by fun_with_needles (user info) at 2006-08-02 05:57:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
www.tardblog.com
Submitted by fun_with_needles (user info) at 2006-08-02 05:57:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why can't he jack off? I knew this kid in grade school named Paul Asshole. Because he could not finish a sentence with calling someone an asshole. But this kid could play drums like fucking Dave Groul.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-08-02 05:55:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So, red, is masturbation in fact the greatest service a man can perform? Because that's what you're implying right there.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-08-02 05:12:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Every time you masturbate, Agent Smith kills a Keanu.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-08-02 05:01:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You string me along woman. Here I am on Gabbly whilst I'm trying to process payroll and you're not responding. Do you have any idea how funny I am? If I where to whore my humour out I would cost £30 an hour and yet you pass up the oppurtunity for a freebie.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-08-02 04:41:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty come talk with me
cmon
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-08-02 04:38:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
... So... what?
I mean... she'd just, like, sit there watching you as you sat opposite a mentally ill man plucking your twanger? Or would she be watching through a two way mirror?
The imagery is all hilarious. This is a brilliant story.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-08-02 04:02:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-08-02 03:38:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://gabbly.com/http://www.ubersite.com
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-08-02 03:34:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i may work slow but i do poor work
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-08-02 03:16:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel your pain. I used to work with dudes who rocked on the floor, slammed their heads agains the wall, bit their own arms, and masturbated constantly.
AWESOME
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2006-08-02 03:02:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't even finish this. Oh GOD.
plus fucking 2
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-02 01:45:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-08-02 01:14:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
made me laugh
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-08-02 01:03:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-08-02 00:49:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fiolename
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-08-02 00:47:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I HAVE NORE REVIEWS THAN YOU!
Submitted by cjpfta (user info) at 2006-08-02 00:46:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm at work laughing my ass off right now. That's a deranged request.