You Can't Crack A Walnut With A Scarf (5123 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.97 on 125 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bart Cilfone <uberuser.at.cilfone.com> (View user info) at 2006-12-28 04:07:27 EST
I'd had my winter jacket for about three years - it was a crotch-length black wool jacket with a detachable furry collar that I bought after my previous jacket (black leather) was stolen from the Cubby Bear bar during the Cubs' Steve Bartman playoff run in 2003.
After three years of being that close to my body, the lining of the jacket naturally began to wear. The zipper on one of the pockets on the inside of the coat broke at some point and the pocket on the outside began to tear. Time to get a new jacket.
A few weeks ago I bought a knee-length black wool jacket that makes me look bad ass in a Matrix / Morpheus kind of way only with less techno shine and more dorky white guy. This jacket is a lot warmer than my previous one because it's a lot longer and the inside isn't shredded to pieces. The only problem with it is that the collar is smaller, less furry, and there is a good sized gap at the top right in front of my neck.
If only there were some sort of contraption or device that would fit between the jacket and my neck to seal this gap to keep out the cold and wind, that would exactly solve this problem.
I need a scarf.
Technically, I don't "need" a scarf; I already have a scarf. However, the scarf I have is really long and while I didn't really understand this when I bought it, the way it's designed, it's meant to cover the top of your head like a little red riding hood style knit babushka. Since I am under the age of 70 and male, I don't wear it like that, so I wind up with this big bunched up section of scarf on one side of my neck. This looks silly and is uncomfortable because it gets in the way when I try to turn my head. It's like a self imposed elephantitis of the neck.
This got me thinking... what constitutes a bad scarf?
A scarf is basically a long rectangular shaped rag that you wrap around your neck to keep warm. The only reason why you need the scarf is because of a deficiency in an otherwise quality jacket. If the jacket were perfect, you wouldn't need the scarf at all, now would you? The jacket is flawed, but even after realizing the flaw, the response is not to buy a new jacket but rather to go buy a rag to fill the gap left in the jacket intentionally by its manufacturer.
The scarf has no moving parts. Although it keeps you warm, it does not provide any heat. Your body provides the heat. The scarf just gets in the way. The scarf does not do anything - it merely "is". To be a bad scarf is to challenge the very existence of the scarf because given the already low requirements placed upon the scarf (just "be"), a failure here borders on a total failure of its existence. What good is a scarf that doesn't work well as a scarf? You can't eat it. You can't use it as a blanket. It doesn't even make a good old utility rag.
The expectations of a scarf are not much different than say those of a rock. A rock doesn't really do anything. If you want a rock for something, all you want it to do is to "be a rock". If you have a very specific purpose in mind (to make stone jewelry) and the rock doesn't meet that purpose, you can always use the rock for some other unplanned purpose. For example, you could use the rock to crack a walnut, throw at a threatening animal, or even as part of a decorative landscape in your front yard.
You can't crack a walnut with a scarf.
User Reviews
Submitted by dluther31 (user info) at 2007-05-18 07:34:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great essays and term papers like this napoleon essays and cold war essays http://www.essaybuzz.com
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-03-15 13:06:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know why this line was funny...
"You can't crack a walnut with a scarf."
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2007-02-27 03:21:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The man is trying to crack walnuts with scarves!
If that's not proof that he's insane enough to kill Uber, I dunno what is!
FISHSTICKS!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-02-27 02:41:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
because thats the kind of sadist he is.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-02-27 01:51:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If Bart was going to unplug ubersite, why the hell would he still be making modifications to it?
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2007-02-27 01:36:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, I don't really want to play into the paranoia, but if it is true, I really would like a heads-up.
I switched computers a while back, so most of the stuff I've ever written really is on Ubersite. And it'd be nice to know whether or not I have to bother with downloading it back.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2007-02-26 21:17:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Bart, why don't you go public with what you intend to do with ubersite? I know it is some big secret for now... and all a few of us know is that ubersite is going to be unplugged around the middle of March. Did you sell it? Did you decide it isn't worth the trouble? Are you getting married and decided that this wasn't a direction that you want to go anymore?
I hope we get a post "Thank you for your support, good folks at ubersite." and at least a couple of lines what the hell is going on. Don't just pull the plug all dramatic-like and let people discover for themselves that ubersite is finished.
I know that that feds have been to your place at least 3 more times and there have been threats of legal action against you for copyright infringement. This may play into it all.
Give us all a heads up, Bart.
- Stabby
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-02-24 23:56:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is there a a reason that it only shows the first of your reviews on a post, rather than the most recent on that post?
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-02-24 23:54:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My Recent Reviews
--------------
THIS IS HUGE
Submitted by Timmaaaaah (user info) at 2007-02-24 23:25:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Who is this mysterious Bart?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-02-24 01:09:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-02-16 21:11:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-02-15 22:51:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
Bart gave fucking Fetsh back his ratings, but won't giuve me back mine!?!?
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2007-02-20 15:00:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Super.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-02-16 21:11:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-02-15 22:51:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
Bart gave fucking Fetsh back his ratings, but won't giuve me back mine!?!?
Submitted by sizzlemctwizzle (user info) at 2007-02-14 21:37:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2007-02-14 17:45:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
Riiight. The problem is a poorly designed database table and batch job that leads to a constant regeneration of primary keys for records that are held in a hibernate second level cache referenced in a cached collection off of a different cached object with a static and known primary key. When the object holding the referenced ids is retrieved from the cache, it then tries to retrieve the objects for those ids, but since the cache entries for those objects have expired, it needs to hit the database. Since the batch perl script has already deleted those records and recreated them with new primary keys, there is nothing to retrieve and the Hibernate cache layer fails with a "No row with the given identifier exists" error.
I need to either synchronize the cache expiration times so that all the items expire at the exact same moment, or I need to redo the referenced object so that it has a composite id instead of these constantly regenerated ids. Alternatively, I could rewrite the query so that rather than crawl the object tree, it just pulls back all of the information at once, thereby removing the need for the object cache altogether.
In PHP, all of these problems magically go away.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm sorry I didn't know the problem had to do with the database. I thought there was an error with the server side script. Database caching can become a mess. I think your best bet is to remove the need for the object cache. Though it might slow overall performance it would stop a problem like this from arising in the future when the cache id no longer matches the id from the database for whatever reason. Good luck.
Submitted by Murphy1844 (user info) at 2007-02-12 00:44:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I LOVE shit like this. Thanks bart... put a smile on my--- what the fuck. Why did 'bart' underline in red? That's some sweet shit! Anyway... --face.
Murphy
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2007-02-09 19:01:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Bart should post more
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-02-08 04:49:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
See, I wouldn't have even thought of that.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2007-02-08 04:47:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I JUST LABELD ALL BRAT"S POSTS 'POOP" ROFL
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2007-02-08 04:18:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, for now. At some point I will add rolled up labels like "most popular labels" for the post, but that is too subject to abuse right now and I don't want someone to go through and label every post as "poop" or something like that.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-02-08 02:41:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Though it seems only to work when the author of the post has labelled it?
Submitted by aldenso (user info) at 2007-02-08 01:29:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I donno if it's complimentary to give barts +2, but this wasn't a very fun to read article and i shan't let him bend me over.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-02-08 00:48:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent work with the "Labels:" info at the top of each post.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-02-04 14:52:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/90864
Submitted by tartpumper (user info) at 2007-02-02 07:59:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.mypne.com/instore/e-tail4.asp?id=2008
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2007-02-02 07:56:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2007-02-02 07:30:21 (#)
Ranking: -2
This is terrible in every sense of the word.
====
YOU FORGOT THE OBLIGATORY "OH SNAP COWABUNGA DUDES" COMMENT LOL
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2007-02-02 07:30:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This is terrible in every sense of the word.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-01-25 10:13:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-01-22 18:39:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Spoon boy: Do not try and wear the scarf. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth.
Bart: What truth?
Spoon boy: There is no scarf.
Bart: There is no scarf?
Spoon boy: Then you'll see, that it is not the scarf that is worn, it is only yourself.
Bart: But I am experiencing your words on the same level of perception as that of the scarf, so if the scarf doesn't exist, then neither do you, and you are the only reason I have to believe that the scarf doesn't exist.
Spoon boy: But like... y'know... you can't uh... know... uh vat... brain... uh... God damn it.
Bart: Lawl. Pwned.
_____________________
LOL!
Submitted by zig (user info) at 2007-01-25 07:53:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 and a hearty laugh
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2007-01-25 07:08:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/97898#2288945
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2007-01-24 03:44:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bart, stop "WOO BEARS"-ing, or whatever it is you do out there, and start posting shit like this more often.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-01-22 18:39:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Spoon boy: Do not try and wear the scarf. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth.
Bart: What truth?
Spoon boy: There is no scarf.
Bart: There is no scarf?
Spoon boy: Then you'll see, that it is not the scarf that is worn, it is only yourself.
Bart: But I am experiencing your words on the same level of perception as that of the scarf, so if the scarf doesn't exist, then neither do you, and you are the only reason I have to believe that the scarf doesn't exist.
Spoon boy: But like... y'know... you can't uh... know... uh vat... brain... uh... God damn it.
Bart: Lawl. Pwned.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-01-22 18:34:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Bart, although I know you hardly know who I am and don't like what you do know, I've always thought your opinion of me misguided and believed you to mostly be a cool guy. And most of your posts are hilarious. But this is one of the most terrible psuedo-clever things I have ever read.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-01-20 06:52:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for "Last reviewed by thorpe 7 seconds ago"
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2007-01-14 15:29:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BART CELLPHONE!
WAFFLE
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2007-01-03 15:08:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like scarves. We had to build one for a final project in a mechanical engineering class. Wait. I'm thinking of a truss. Nevermind.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2007-01-03 14:48:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-12-28 04:20:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Spoon boy: Do not try and wear the scarf. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth.
Bart: What truth?
Spoon boy: There is no scarf.
Bart: There is no scarf?
Spoon boy: Then you'll see, that it is not the scarf that is worn, it is only yourself.
-------------
In all fairness I think a Matrix parody is fair game here (when otherwise it would be a clear violation of the rules of engagement) because Bart made the first reference.
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-12-31 14:40:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
not entertaining at all
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-12-30 18:38:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel stupid. I can't even follow a story about a scarf. I guess that goes to show that you learn how to use complete and articulate sentences while in college.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-12-29 22:28:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
emo below
me
Submitted by PizzaEagle (user info) at 2006-12-29 21:41:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You're an idiot. A scarf does do something, namely, trap the heat that is exiting your body. Without a scarf, the heat gets lost into the atmosphere. A good scarf traps more heat than a bad one. Learn some basic thermodynamics, buddy.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-12-29 19:19:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Wow! You've changed man!
<EddieMurphyvoiceover>
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2006-12-29 15:19:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm glad that at least a couple people appreciated the use of the word "crotch".
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-12-29 12:48:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-12-28 22:20:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
You had me at "crotch length".
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2006-12-29 11:43:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You can't get to heaven on roller skates, can't catch a taxicab to Timbuktu. Life is hard.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-29 11:37:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Any scarf can be pulled off if the wearer has confidence.
Just promise me that when you reach late middle age, you will never, ever wear sweater vests or ascots.
I too recently got a jacket I really like. It's the jacket of a lifetime. I broke my 'no leather' rule at that biker wedding I attended in Lake George, NY last summer. It was summer. Summer in New York State. I brought light clothes. And it rained and was damp and I was freezing my balls off, so... biker jacket. It kicks ass.
I also got a few verses from The Satanic Bible tatooed on my scrotum, purely protective incantations, nothing malevolent, but I shouldn't really discuss that here.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-12-29 10:49:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, you can't rollerskate in a buffalo herd.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-12-29 04:30:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
bart: darko, i am never reinstatinng your ratings
-------------------
:'(
Submitted by Snare (user info) at 2006-12-29 00:43:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What makes a bad scarf?
Simple.
Go rent a Tom Baker era Doctor Who DVD.
Anything that does not remind you of what you see there is a neck-tie with delusions of granduer.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2006-12-29 00:35:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
theoretically ,if you tie a walnut into the center of a thin scarf and whirl it about your head like David facing Goliath and smash it to a solid wall, I'm pretty sure you would have just cracked a walnut with a scarf.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-12-28 23:58:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
you could be at risk of pulling a 'Jayne Mansfield'
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-12-28 23:37:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh....
nobody wanted it.
sorry, bart
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-12-28 23:31:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i haven't read any reviews on this post yet, but i wonder how many pathetic losers begged to be gifted with your old jacket?
maybe just Georgey boy?
i'll go see now.
oh yeah, this made me smile. funny stuff here, bart.
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2006-12-28 23:15:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i will first mention that if you wrap the scarf so the long ends go behind your shouldersthe ends hand down your back unnoticed...then putthe jacket on, its basically a collar and you dont have "scarf elephantitis" ... or you can jsut buy a collar, its like a scarf without the dangly bits.
....and a scarf can be used as more.... properly practiced, a scarf can make one hell of a snowball sling, i once hit my sister from like 45 feet at about 80mph... it kicked ass. though my aim sucked enough to never be able to do it twice if i wanted to
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-12-28 22:55:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-12-28 22:53:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i have long contended that there is no reason in the world for a man to have a scarf. other than to hang himself for being a queer.
i stand by that contention.
but i miss this type of ubering. just a well-written rambling about nothing important.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-12-28 22:20:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You had me at "crotch length".
Submitted by cshape (user info) at 2006-12-28 22:00:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought it was a nice little piece of writing.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2006-12-28 21:13:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2006-12-28 16:36:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
No, south siders need leashes
-------------------------------------
DEMS FIGHTIN WERDS
RAAAAA
GO BEARS WOO!!!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-28 21:09:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Zing
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-12-28 20:51:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2006-12-28 16:38:56 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-12-28 11:44:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
You misspelled elephantiasis...
---------------------------------------------------
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/elephantitis
Come on man, I do my research, especially when it comes to inflamed genitalia.
*****************
Here is the REAL information:
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/elephantiasis
:)
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2006-12-28 20:24:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Men in Chicago need scarves...I am suprised you only have one.
Seems that it would be a gift. I got a really cool wool one in
London...it was some football team colors and a plaid associated
with some scottish clan...gave it to my brother. So next year...
Bart gets cool, manly scarf.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2006-12-28 20:23:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Not a scarf: http://www.initialideas.co.uk/product.php?prid=139
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2006-12-28 19:05:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
pure gold
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2006-12-28 16:38:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-12-28 11:44:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
You misspelled elephantiasis...
---------------------------------------------------
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/elephantitis
Come on man, I do my research, especially when it comes to inflamed genitalia.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2006-12-28 16:36:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No, south siders need leashes.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2006-12-28 16:10:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
BAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA
SOUTH SIDERS DONT NEED SCARFS
GO BEARS WOO!!!
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2006-12-28 15:32:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No comment
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-12-28 15:25:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I want to place my order for the bibletron 6000, but I have a question. Can I use any book, like say a thesaurus, or does it have to be a bible? I wouldn't mind launching a few copies of War and Peace at fuckers now and then.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-12-28 14:27:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
man up
or move somewhere warmer
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-12-28 13:52:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
jesus, steak...
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-12-28 13:50:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
seems incomplete
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2006-12-28 13:38:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2006-12-28 13:03:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-12-28 12:46:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
And they told me I CAN'T build a robot to hit gay people with bibles, well look out for the bibletron 6000!
How do you come up whit that ?
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-12-28 12:56:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by proofofpurchase (user info) at 2006-12-28 09:32:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
There are many uses for a scarf
You could sew some together and make curtains
You could use them to tie your lover to the bed
You could stuff one in your pants to give the illusion of manhood
If you happen to sprain your arm...you now have an instant arm sling
Tourniquet
Potholder
Belt
...and if you are stricken with cancer you can dress up your baldness.
----
If lost in the wilderness you could use it to filter questionable water.
It also could be a leash for an unruly child at the airport.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-12-28 12:46:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And they told me I CAN'T build a robot to hit gay people with bibles, well look out for the bibletron 6000!
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2006-12-28 12:41:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ok
Submitted by docker (user info) at 2006-12-28 12:21:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rating: 0.84 on 48 reviews
---
Heh
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2006-12-28 12:20:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
...and if you crack your nuts on a wall, it'll leave a scar.
True story.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-12-28 12:12:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This wasn't good.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-12-28 12:08:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-12-28 11:44:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You misspelled elephantiasis...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-12-28 11:33:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ladies love the longcoat.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-12-28 11:22:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Awww, ya hurt my intranet feelings Spaggy!
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-12-28 11:17:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
And believe me, this idiot is an authority on EVERYTHING 'Dumb'
|
|
|
|
\/
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-12-28 11:01:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
So, just becuase of who he is he gets +2's? It was a stupid story about a scarf, people. A fucking SCARF!
Jesus Christ, you people are dumb.
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2006-12-28 10:34:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-12-28 10:31:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by drgoatcabin (user info) at 2006-12-28 08:04:24 (#)
Ranking: 1
In Soviet Russia, scarf wears you!
-----
I despise this joke in its proper home, I hate it even more here.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-12-28 10:16:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
not a huge fan
Submitted by BadASCII (user info) at 2006-12-28 10:15:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-12-28 10:07:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
gay
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Haha. I agree with this guy.
Seriously though, global warming will cure your need of that jacket. Why did you even buy one because in, like, 2 years it is going to be 76 all winter long in northern Illinois.
Too bad about your old jacket. It was merging with you like the spiderman venom costume. I'll bet you were wandering the streets at night and didn't even notice it other than being tired the next day....and blood soaked fists.
Submitted by jade_digitalmedia (user info) at 2006-12-28 10:11:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i live in florida we have no use for these so called "scarves".
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-12-28 10:07:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
gay
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-12-28 09:36:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
stfu
Submitted by proofofpurchase (user info) at 2006-12-28 09:32:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There are many uses for a scarf
You could sew some together and make curtains
You could use them to tie your lover to the bed
You could stuff one in your pants to give the illusion of manhood
If you happen to sprain your arm...you now have an instant arm sling
Tourniquet
Potholder
Belt
...and if you are stricken with cancer you can dress up your baldness.
There must be a lot more uses for a scarf or else why would Burberry charge $350 for ONE of them?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-12-28 09:29:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i like scarves, and make them. i make awesomer blankets though.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-12-28 09:23:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Scarves are for womenz and metrosexualz. :)
Love, CT
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-12-28 08:56:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Boring
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-12-28 08:28:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
who would want to?
Submitted by docker (user info) at 2006-12-28 08:23:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
done even
Submitted by docker (user info) at 2006-12-28 08:22:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've odne at LEAST.... three of those things rad, and only two of them were in my dreams.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-12-28 08:17:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I covered everything.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-12-28 08:17:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You can't go fishing in a watermelon patch
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-12-28 08:16:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You can't drive around with a tiger in your car
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-12-28 08:16:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You can't change film with a kid on your back
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-12-28 08:16:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You can't go swimming in a baseball pool
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-12-28 08:16:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You can't take a shower in a parakeet cage
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-12-28 08:15:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you can't rollerskate in a buffalo herd.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2006-12-28 08:13:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You can't catch a bat in a pot, either.
Submitted by drgoatcabin (user info) at 2006-12-28 08:04:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
In Soviet Russia, scarf wears you!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-12-28 08:02:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What are you, gay?
Submitted by docker (user info) at 2006-12-28 08:01:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A few weeks ago I bought a knee-length black wool jacket that makes me look bad ass in a Matrix / Morpheus kind of way only with less techno shine and more dorky white guy.
---
Where is the camwhore?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-12-28 07:41:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Does your scarf match your Candyland shirt?
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-12-28 06:36:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
uhhh...ok...i guess.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-28 05:58:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
*frowns*
*flops around like a jellyfish*
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-12-28 05:52:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
everybody above my original review who either gives this less than a 2 or questions anything in this post is merely following my lead because they are spineless.
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2006-12-28 05:38:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
sorry bart bart, but I make more sense on the toilet every morning than you made here...
maybe I'm just too tired to appreciate this now
whatever
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2006-12-28 05:10:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You must be bored , to produce this work of art...
BTW. best wishes,bla bla .
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-12-28 05:05:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If you tied a rock in the bad scarf and swung it at a pile of walnuts, I bet you'd crack some walnuts with a scarf, albeit indirectly. But you'd have the added benefit of controlled maneuverability of the rock. Other things you can do with a bad scarf:
1. play tug of war
2. strangle an unsuspecting pedestrian on a chilly January evening
3. lasso recalcitrant women
4. jump scarf
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-12-28 04:22:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm going to play yahoo pinochle now because I am burnt out on poker.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-12-28 04:20:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
bullshit FG
bullshit
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-12-28 04:20:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Spoon boy: Do not try and wear the scarf. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth.
Bart: What truth?
Spoon boy: There is no scarf.
Bart: There is no scarf?
Spoon boy: Then you'll see, that it is not the scarf that is worn, it is only yourself.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-12-28 04:19:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I mean, I don't even own any goldfish, therefore I cannot choose base attributes I have no business choosing.
I am not your lord and savior (which I find to be a crock of hooey anyhow, the whole savior bit-who is actually saved from anything in the grand scheme anyhow?)
also
))<>((
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-12-28 04:18:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm sure theres a deeper meaning and purpose to everything, but since people don't understand my goldfish I refuse to understand your scarf.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-12-28 04:15:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Once again, if I'm not mistaken, this can contained tomato paste.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-12-28 04:12:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As a child, I was given a West Ham United scarf from a "loving" aunt.
Being a dedicated Chelsea fan, this garment spent the majority of it's life stowed away in a cupboard, until I reached teenage years and began using it as a jizz rag.
I would wager that this scarf could probably crack a walnut now.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-12-28 04:10:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Have a +2 on me.